An Innocent Thanksgiving

Maggie pressed her lips together, and then looked away, like she couldn’t handle looking me in the eye.

I had no idea what to do with that, so I left—even though it felt like I was leaving the conversation unfinished.

Going back to my new home was disappointing, to say the least. Not that I’d expected to be staying the night or anything with Maggie, not on the first night. Even if everything went perfectly, I wasn’t trying to push Maggie into a relationship. That wasn’t my goal. Not when Maggie had made it so painfully clear that she didn’t want that with me—and there was only so much we could inflict on Fern all at once, anyway. Uncle Cal and her mother dating would probably have been a little much.

But still, I’d hoped… I’d hoped that Maggie would see that I was good with Fern and we’d set up some kind of schedule, a way that I could help out and start to be a regular presence in Fern’s life.

Now it looked like it was going to take a lot more time for that to happen. There was no way that I was sleeping tonight with the frustration coursing through my veins. Usually when that happened I did some art, but…

Dammit, I couldn’t quite manage to pull out blank canvases I had stacked up neatly in the spare room. I always had a spare room blank and ready to go, no furniture or decorations, so that I could get it as messy as I wanted while I was doing my art and didn’t have to worry about collateral damage, so to speak.

But I couldn’t sleep, and I still had that desire to do art…

I grabbed out my paints and supplies, and walked into the master bedroom. I had no idea what I was doing, had no plan, but then, wasn’t that what art was about? I was following an impulse, and so far, my instincts hadn’t steered me wrong yet—at least when it came to my art.

I began painting on one of the walls, and little by little I felt myself start to relax. Losing myself in my art was always a way to take myself out of whatever struggles I was facing, and tonight was no different. As the night loomed large in front of me I lost myself in the fantasy I was creating on my wall, and everything else fell away.

16

Maggie

It had been two days since Cal had shown up, and I hadn’t seen any sign of him since. Which I kept telling myself was a good thing. If he couldn’t be bothered to be around all the time and make that commitment—and how could he know that he was even capable of making that commitment—

Dammit this bag of garbage was heavy. It was trash day so I had to get the garbage cans out onto the road and it was annoying today—

“Here, I got it.”

Leo lifted up the bag and helped me to get it into the garbage can at the end of the walk for the garbage truck. My arms ached with relief. “Thanks, Leo, I appreciate it. You’re always coming to my rescue, I hope that you aren’t interrupting the rest of your day all the time for me.”

Leo just smiled. “I’ll always be around to be your hero when you need one.”

Well that was… a line, for sure.

He put his hand on my arm, and I quickly stepped away. Leo was clearly starting to cross that line he’d been dancing on, to make more… obvious overtures, and I wasn’t having it. At least now maybe he would give me an opportunity to turn him down point-blank and get this whole thing over with?

“I was actually wondering if you were busy later,” Leo went on, as if I hadn’t just stepped away from his touch. “There’s a new movie out that everyone says is great, one of the new Nolan features. Would you like to go with me?”

Finally, an obvious date invitation. I hated to hurt his feelings but it was time that Leo stopped hoping so that he could move on and find a girl who would appreciate him the way that he deserved. He was a good guy, but he just wasn’t the person for me.

“I can’t, Leo, I’m sorry,” I said, and then before he could say anything more—asking about doing it another time, or something—I added, “If I’m reading this wrong then I’m really sorry for making things awkward, but I’m not open to dating right now. I’m one hundred percent focused on being a mom. Fern is my priority.”

Leo’s smile faded, but he nodded. “I understand. Another time maybe.”

There won’t be another time, I wanted to tell him. In high school I would have told him, but that was my natural bluntness coming into play. I just told you I’m not open to dating. That doesn’t mean you wait around for me to change my mind.