F is for Finn (Men of ALPHAbet Mountain)

Swearing off men after Trip had been about trying to protect myself. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to hurt me like that again. I hated how much he’d manipulated me and the control he had over me. I hated how much he’d messed up my life and that my son would grow up with the same empty space in his life and heart where his father should be that I did.

I never wanted that to happen again. I never questioned I could raise Olly on my own and that I didn’t need a man to get by and get what I wanted in life. But that didn’t mean I didn’t sometimes think about the role a man could play in my son’s life.

Finn was unexpected. He wasn’t the kind of man I’d usually go for, and we almost fell into each other’s lives rather than really meeting. I’d fought so hard not to acknowledge how attracted I was to him and not to let myself develop any feelings. But that wasn’t good enough anymore. I didn’t want to keep swallowing it down and pushing that part of me aside. I wanted him, and I wasn’t going to deny it anymore.

After dinner, Finn helped me rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher, and then I brought out a container of ice cream and some sundae toppings. It wasn’t exactly an impressive dessert, but I’d go for a simple ice cream sundae any day. We sat around the living room, laughing and enjoying our dessert, and then it was time for Olly to go to bed. We went through our usual routine, and as I tucked him in, he handed Finn a book as a way of asking him to read the bedtime story.

It melted my heart. After Olly was asleep, Finn and I came back into the room and sat down on the couch. He rubbed my leg and looked over at me with a smile.

“I think he was fighting with everything in him to stay awake for just one more story. Five times.”

I laughed. “That’s his signature move. Thank you for doing that.”

“Of course. I’ve never gotten to read bedtime stories to anyone before, so it was a fun experience for me,” he said.

That got us talking about our families and our childhoods, sharing more about ourselves and our lives. I navigated through the conversation carefully, not wanting to divulge too much about everything I went through when I was young. It was still uncomfortable for me to talk about, and even though I knew I shouldn’t be, I was ashamed and embarrassed by much of what I experienced.

It wasn’t my fault. I knew I couldn’t have controlled what my mother did or changed it. But I still felt a tug that said there was something wrong with me because of my origins.

After a while, Finn looked at the clock, and his eyebrows raised.

“Wow. I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. I guess I should probably go,” he said.

I thought about it for a second. This was the moment. I felt like I was standing at a fork in the road, and what I decided would change everything. I took a breath.

“Why don’t you stay?” I asked softly.

Finn looked at me with heat and emotion in his eyes. He knew what the invitation meant.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

Inside, my heart was pounding, and my stomach was fluttering. I was a bit worried about being naked in front of him, since I hadn’t been with a man since having Olly, but Finn just might be worth it.

I closed the door of the bedroom and locked it behind us as he walked in. He turned at the edge of the bed and looked at me, and I felt my breath hitching as I turned off the overhead light. Only a small lamp was on by the bed, but I wanted it on. I wanted to see him and for him to see me.

Our eyes were locked together as I reached down and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head. As it dropped on the floor, I reached behind me to unhook my bra, but my broken wrist wouldn’t allow me. Finn stood to help and undid the clasp, slowly pulling the fabric off my chest. I looked up at him and our lips brushed against one another. Slowly, as if he were asking permission, he raised his hand and placed it on the center of my chest.

I leaned into him, and our lips crushed into each other, the tension of the moment exploding into a passionate, deep kiss. His hand filled with my breast, and the other wrapped around me, pulling me to him. I could feel his stiff cock pressing into my belly, straining against his jeans, and reached down to release it. I yanked on the belt and then unbuttoned him, pulling down the zipper and pushing the waistband down.