The Life - Rebirth (The Life 4)

“Tell me, how do you feel about Ricci now? Are you still angry at him? Have you forgiven him? What?”

“You know, I never thought it would happen, but there are days when I don’t even think about him or that night. And then sometimes the dreams come back, and I’m right back there again. Abused, terrified, humiliated. I relive every one of those emotions all over again.”

“Sometimes, when I wake up from one of those dreams, it feels like I’m physically back there again; that’s the worst. It takes Draco forever to calm me down, but that feeling lingers for at least a day or two. They’re not as frequent anymore, those dreams, but I hate that I even have one of them. So, no, I’ve never forgiven him; he never asked. But even if he did, I don’t think I could ever forgive him.”

“What do you wish you could do?” She looked at me questioningly.

“I mean, while I was alone in my little cabin, I used to have nothing but time on my hands before the babies came. My mind would keep replaying all the things that had been done to me as a child, and the one recurring thing was that I always wished I’d have stood up for myself. I wish I’d been the one to confront my dad for the way he treated me.”

“I have these conversations with myself where I pretend to be yelling at him, getting it all out.”

“Oh yes, I understand; I do this as well. It’s supposed to be cathartic.”

“Did you ever go to therapy?”

“No, Draco asked a long time ago, but I couldn’t bear to tell anyone else about what was done to me, least of all a stranger. But Draco did find me a therapist of sorts after all. Sheila!”

“Sheila? I thought she was a midwife?”

“Hmm, that’s just one of her job titles. Before she went back to school to become a midwife, she’d worked for years as s therapist. Apparently, she’d seen and heard too many horror stories involving kids, and she started to burn out. That’s when she decided that she’d rather see the other side of childhood, the birth.”

“I don’t know how Draco found her, but I’m glad he did. She’s like balm to my soul, and my children love her. She’s been a big help to all of us; she was the one who taught me to be free and to let go sometimes. As to what I wish I could do to Alonzo.” She got up from the seat and paced the room before walking over to the kids and ruffling their hair, and coming back over to me.

“I wish I could make him suffer. I wish I could watch him die. I know it’s horrible to feel that way, but I can’t help it. I think part of the reason I’d told Gabe was because I wanted my son to be the one to exact vengeance on him. I wanted it to be an Antonelli who brought him down. You see, I never saw my son as part of Ricci, no matter what he or anyone else thinks. Once I got over how much he looked like him, I realized that that’s where the similarities ended.”

“My son has always been that; mine and Draco Russo’s son. He may have that face, but his heart is pure. My son is a man I can be proud of, and I won’t let Ricci take that away from him. I won’t let him rob my son of his innocence.” Welp, your son, hasn’t been innocent in a while, but I get what you’re saying.

I let her rant on for as long as she needed before it was time to feed the kids and she needed to go back to the main house. I’m not sure where I expected things to go from here, but at least she was thinking. I’ve been thinking since this whole thing started, at least once I got over being mad at Gabriel for sending me away, and I think I see something that no one else seems aware of, and that is the fact that Gabriel has always been carrying everyone else’s load on his shoulders.

He takes care of everyone, whether they need him to or not. It hurts me to think that the boy I’d only seen as strong and capable was actually alone. I doubt he even sees it himself. Or maybe I’m just projecting because I can look in my children’s faces and see him, see him the way he would’ve been as a child.

Thinking of one of my kids growing up under such a heavy burden as their dad makes my heart twist in my chest, and as a mother, I can’t imagine that there’s anything I wouldn’t do to keep that from happening. Who would’ve thought that I’d be feeling this way? That I’d be so quick to forgive Gabriel and now be the one who wants to protect him.