Just Until Morning

I reach down and pinch my forearm until I yelp, then my phone dings again.

248-555-0900: Don’t do that.

Me: Okay, listen. I’m not having the best day. So it’s been fun, but I have things to take care of.

Without another look, I stuff my phone back into my backpack and head north on West Fulton. There are few people walking around most of the time in this part of town, mainly because there’s not really anywhere to go. A few abandoned buildings dot the neighborhood, but overall, it’s just old and tired. No real shops or places to go, but I just know I need to move. To think. To figure out how to pick up the pieces of my life plan that have fallen around my feet in the last twenty-four hours.

I pick up my pace as I near the corner. There’s an alley that will take me back around to the apartment for another pass. Hopefully when I get back there, he’ll be gone, because just the sight of him is making me weak.

Making me want him.

And I have no room in my life for wanting anything right now, least of all him. I’m stomping each step. The grit of the sidewalk crunches under my fifty-cent white Keds I bought at the thrift store a year ago. One of my two pairs of shoes. The other are my work shoes.

The red Dolce pumps I wore last night. Keds and red pumps. That pretty much sums me up right there.

I hook my thumbs under the straps of the backpack and pull. I need to feel compact, under control. Something small, even. I need to hunker down and control at least this stupid backpack as it bounces, hitting just above my ass with each step.

I want out of this life, not back into the bed of the poster child for the gambling lifestyle.

My phone dings in my backpack. Twice. Then a third time.

As I round the corner, I drop a hand to touch the rough bricks of the building as I pass. The masonry scratches my fingertips as I turn into the darkness, my heart thundering in my chest, my face hot, even as the cool breeze in my wet hair. I’m halfway down the alley when I hear the squealing tires.

Brakes lock up just behind me, and there’s a slamming car door.

I should turn, but my forward motion compels me not to look back. I feel like I’m spinning in a hurricane with no way out. There’s no air here. And in the next second, I stop dead. I’m not sure why, but I know that no matter which way I turn, he’ll be there.

The next thing I know, there are fingers on my cheeks, making me shudder. He’s here, in front of me. His warm, masculine scent loops an invisible noose around my throat and begins to tighten. His lips come down on the crown of my head, then he whispers there, cool and soft.

“Why did you leave? When I woke up, you weren’t there. I’ve never felt so alone before. I hated that bed. That room. That fucking house. Because you weren’t there.”

“I left because my debt was paid. Wasn’t that the agreement? Just until morning, right?”

“I need more mornings. One will never be enough.”

I laugh. Not at him. But at this. The comedy of it. The cosmic joke that’s just been played on me. How is this happening to me now? I’m leaving in a few days. Well, that was the plan, at least. And now him? What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment?

His hands cup my cheeks and force my eyes up to his.

Just in that moment, I also remember his moving boxes and realize I don’t know this person at all, do I?

“Last night...it was just too much,” I say, my voice shaking. “I’ve never done that before. Spent the night with someone I barely know. Someone I just met. When the morning came around, I had to go. I have stuff to do. Being in your house, it just felt overwhelming. Waking up there, knowing what sort of life I had to come back to. I’m sorry, I just have a lot of things I have to do right now.”

“Whatever it is you have to do, I’m going to help you.”

“This is crazy. Why? Why would you help me? People like us don’t just do things for nothing, you know. And I gave you what you wanted last night. So what else is there? What, didn’t I do it right? Do you have some crazy fantasy that I have to fulfill before my debt is paid?”

There is a pain in his face, and I realize my words have hurt him. His jaw muscles tighten, and his hands slip from my cheeks, grazing down my arms until my fingers are entwined in his. Warm and firm as he steps into me.

“You are coming to breakfast with me. Then, lunch. Then, I’m going to pick you up for dinner. Same thing tomorrow. And the next day. You got that? Three days. You’ll know I’m not who you think I am. And then, if you still want me to leave you alone, so be it.”

Relief and disappointment fight for control of my thoughts as he continues.

“My heart will break, but I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you still want after three days. But for now, you will have breakfast with me.”

I should say no. I have to say no. I do have things to do. I have to figure out how to be on a plane with my tuition money. Not to mention, when I get there, I need a real job. No more hustling. No more wondering if it’s a week I get to go to the grocery store or not. I want something better for myself. For the promises I made to my mom.

“Okay.” The word falls from my lips, making my throat tighten. “On one condition.”

He raises his eyebrows, and that cleft in his chin shows up.

“What?”

“No matter what, I’m not fucking you.”  I chuckle.

“I’ve heard that before.”

A smile breezes over his mouth, leaving me breathless. He’s so hard to fathom, that serene intensity, an intensity that could only come from living a life of careful calculation, but with a heart I’m beginning to realize is bigger than anything I’ve known before.

With that, his arm is around my shoulders, drawing me into him. His head moves, snapping back and forth, looking up and down the street. What he’s looking for, I’m not sure, but it feels protective, and I sense a deep breath release from my burning lungs.

Finally, I feel safe.

When we get to the car, he opens the door, lowers me in and buckles the seat belt around me. His lips come down to mine in a sweet, long kiss before he pulls back and brushes my crazy hair from the sides of my face.

“I meant it, you know.” He blinks, regarding my face before he continues. “You are even more beautiful in the daylight.”