Shadows of Yesterday

Chapter Six

“Should I be apprehensive about your quiet mood? You haven’t said a word since we left.”

The night was cold and dark. The moon was a crescent shadow on the far horizon that lent no light. Only Chad’s headlights sliced through the darkness of the flat, desolate highway. Sarah lay sleeping in Leigh’s lap.

Leigh turned her head and spoke to his profile. “Who is Sharon?”

His head whipped around and the car swerved enough to jar Sarah out of slumber. Her limbs stiffened reflexively and her mouth sucked at nothing before she relaxed once more.

“How did you hear about Sharon?”

“Inadvertently your mother mentioned her. She suggested I ask you about her. Who is she, Chad?”

He cursed softly and thumped his fists on the steering wheel. “Sharon was my wife. She killed herself.”

Dumbstruck, she stared at him across the darkness of the car. Her heart came to a dull, thudding halt in her chest. “Your wife?” she gasped on a filament of sound. “Your wife?” He nodded curtly. Leigh gazed out into the night, trying to digest the unreality of it. Turning back to look at him, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“Because she wasn’t relevant.”

“Not relevant?” she asked so loudly that Sarah flinched again.

“No. Not to us. My marriage has nothing to do with what I feel for you. I’m in love for the first time, Leigh. Not to say that I didn’t love Sharon. But I loved her in a different way.”

“She committed suicide?”

His hands clenched around the padded leather steering wheel. “Yes.”

“Why, Chad?”

“Dammit—”

“Why?” she shouted.

He braked the car to a screeching halt. Leigh didn’t realize until then that they were in front of her house. Chad turned in his bucket seat to look at her, his eyes flashing angrily. Even in the darkness they were brilliant, lit by an internal flame.

“It happened two years ago. I was in Alaska fighting a fire. It was a helluva fire and took us weeks to put out. Sharon was notified that I was hurt. I was. I had gotten bumped on the head and had a slight concussion, but that was the extent of it. The details of the accident didn’t filter down until after she had taken a bottle of sleeping pills.”

He turned away and pushed open his door. Hastily Leigh rewrapped Sarah and stepped out of the low car when he opened her door. “Where’s your key?” he asked as they hurried through the frigid wind toward the front door.

/> “In here.” She lifted her arm, making her purse available to him.

He fumbled through the contents until he located the key. In a matter of moments the door was opened. Chad went in ahead of Leigh and Sarah to turn on lights and reset the thermostat, which Leigh had conscientiously lowered before they left for the day.

“I’ll go get the diaper bag,” he said.

Dispiritedly Leigh carried Sarah to her new room and laid her in the crib. Her fingers moved automatically as she changed Sarah out of her clothes into a sleeper. She spoke to her softly, commending the infant on her good behavior all day, but Leigh’s mind wasn’t on the lulling words. Her thoughts were focused on the tight, closed expression on Chad’s face when he had told her the details of his wife’s death.

By the time the baby was changed, he was standing beside Leigh at the crib. “Good night, Sarah.” When he bent from the waist to kiss the baby on the cheek, she bopped him on the nose with her fist. He chuckled as he turned her over onto her stomach, patted her once on the rump, and then left the room.

Leigh prolonged her good night to the drowsy infant, dreading the showdown she knew was waiting for her in the living room. When at last she switched off all but one dim night light, she had run out of excuses not to join him.

Chad was sitting on the sofa staring at the floor. His hands were loosely linked between wide-spread knees. As Leigh entered the room, he lifted his head to look at her.

“I apologize for not telling you about Sharon,” he said without preamble. “Considering how she died, I think you can see how it wouldn’t be a pleasant subject to bring up when you’re courting another woman.”

It was a flimsy excuse, and Leigh knew there had to be more behind Chad’s reticence than this. She was determined to draw the truth from him. “There have been plenty of times you could have told me, Chad. I asked if you were married when I was in labor. You could simply have said you were a widower. When I talked to you about Greg, that was a perfect opportunity for you to tell me about Sharon. Or you could have told me the other night when we were clearing the air about all the other secrets you had kept from me. Oh, yes, if you had wanted to tell me, there have been numerous opportunities to do so.”

“All right,” he said harshly and sprang to his feet, raking a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want to tell you!”