Where There's Smoke

“I don’t care.” She rounded the desk and knelt in front of the chair in which he sat, trustingly placing her hands on his thighs. “Bowie, all my life I’ve lived according to what other people wanted for me. I’ve done everything that was expected of me and nothing that would be looked upon with disfavor. But not too long ago, Key reminded me that life is passing me by.” She inched closer. “I didn’t realize how right he was until you kissed me. Then, for the first time in my life, I experienced a sense of bursting free. I don’t want to grow old and then discover that I missed the best things life has to offer because I was afraid of offending someone else. For thirty-three years I’ve been the prim and proper Miss Janellen, and frankly I’m bored with her. The only fun and excitement she’s ever had was with you.

“So what if the hometown folks raise their eyebrows over us? They’ve been tsking for years over my spinsterhood, pitying me because I didn’t have any beaux. Between pity and disapproval, I choose disapproval.” Taking a deep breath, she added, “If you like me—even a little—don’t back off because you’re afraid of damaging my reputation.”

“If I like you even a little,” he repeated, smiling his sad smile. He pulled her up and settled her on his lap. “I like you so much my heart goes to aching every time I think about you, which is all the time.”

He took her hand and stroked the back of it, his touch light, as though he feared breaking the fragile bones. “Folks aren’t going to cotton to us being a pair, Janellen. You stand to lose so much. Me, I got nothing to lose. No money, no name, no family or friends or a position in the community. But you could be hurt bad.”

She laid her fingers against his lips. “I won’t be hurt, Bowie.”

“Yes, you would. I’d hurt you, and I can’t hardly bear to think about it.”

Their faces were very close. His eyes were dark and intense, and she knew that he was no longer referring to the effect that their being together would have on her social standing. He was talking about the physical pain their coupling would cause her.

She whispered, “I wish for that hurt. I wish for it right now.”

She fell against him softly. A low moan escaped her as his arms enfolded her. She tilted her head back against his biceps and welcomed his urgent kiss. They kissed hotly and hungrily, their mouths melding.

He stroked the side of her face, trailed a finger along the line of her jaw, touched her neck. Between fervent kisses Janellen whispered encouragement. When his hand moved to her breast and gingerly covered it, she lovingly murmured his name.

“I can’t go on with that or I’ll do what I swore I wouldn’t do.”

She opened her eyes and sat up straight. “What are you saying, Bowie?”

“That I’m not going to fuck you.” She uttered a small sound of protest and dismay. He hastened to add, “What I want to do is make love to you. I want to do it proper, on a bed with sweet-smelling sheets, in a place that’s clean and worthy of you.”

She relaxed and laughed softly. “That doesn’t matter to me, Bowie.”

“It matters to me. I still think I’m the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, but you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life, and that’s for damn sure. I won’t treat you like any old gal I could get off with.”

While Janellen was disappointed that he’d stopped the foreplay, her heart filled with tenderness.

“I’m fairly certain you’re a virgin.” He glanced up and she nodded. “I can’t imagine why that is, but I’m damned glad no other man beat me to you. It’s an honor I don’t take lightly, so when it happens, I want it to be like the first time for me, too. And in a way it will be. I’ve never done it with a woman I’d share my toothbrush with.”

She giggled and nuzzled his shoulder. “Will you share your toothbrush with me?”

In reply he kissed her, pressing his tongue deep into her mouth. “I’ll be looking for a place where we can go,” he said hoarsely when the kiss ended.

“Your trailer,” she suggested enthusiastically. “I’ll come tonight after supper.”

“That trailer is fine for me, but it’s not fit for you to set foot in.”

“Bowie!”

He stubbornly shook his head. “It’s got to be someplace special. When I find it, you’ll be the first to know.”

“But when?”

“I don’t know yet.” His eyes burned with desire. “As soon as possible.”

“Until then, you can come to the house every night after Mama goes to bed.”

“I’d never sleep with you—sneaky like that—under your mama’s roof.”

“I didn’t mean we’d sleep together, just be together. I can’t leave Mama alone. Maydale would get suspicious if I asked her to stay late every night. I’d soon run out of excuses to be away from the house. If we’re going to see each other, you have to come there.”

He frowned. “That’s tempting fate, Janellen. If we take chances like that, something terrible could happen.”

“That’s silly. Nothing’s going to happen.”