You Don't Own Me 2 (The Russian Don 2)

I stare at her pubic area. The hair has grown back. It is not trimmed or clean-shaven as she sometimes used to have it. Strange, how totally unerotic it looks. In my head I can hear that nurse say, ‘Sometimes when we brush their teeth or shave them they will open their eyes.’

Maybe.

I look at her sleeping face.

Tenderly, I spread her legs and put my tongue into the damp slit. No one sees me. Not even the moon. As soon as my tongue touches her soft flesh my eyes begin to fill with tears. Oh shit. What the fuck am I doing? Tears pour down my face as I lick her. She doesn’t even taste the same anymore.

Wake up, Dahlia. Wake up.

She doesn’t become wetter. She doesn’t wake up, and I just feel worse than the most disgusting pervert. I fix the diaper back and cover her with the blanket. I kiss her cheek.

‘I love you, little fish. I really, really do,’ I whisper.

She makes no response.

‘OK, sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.’

I lurch away from the bed and open the door. Immediately, the nurse gets up from her chair. She goes into the room and closes the door. I trudge upstairs and lie on my bed, but I can’t sleep. I am filled with an indescribable restlessness. Eventually, I get out of bed and go to the cupboard. Inside a drawer I find the box. I open it and take the male masturbator out. ‘For when I am not here,’ she said.

Oh, Dahlia.

I lie on the bed propped up against the pillows. I apply the lube and switch on the gadget. I think of myself licking her, not the way she was today, but the way she was when she first came to me. She had been so full of life and as proud as a queen. God, how different I would have been if I had known then what I know now. If only I’d known how little time there was.

The machine whirls softly. In my head I part her thighs and enter her delicious body. She writhes and moans in ecstasy.

‘Fuck me hard, Zane. Fuck me.’

Her eyes are closed. Her body is arched. I take her nipple in my mouth and she groans with pleasure.

‘Come inside me, Zane. Fill me with your hot cum.’

I climax hard, my body jerking, crying out for her.

For some time I lie there, too exhausted and defeated to do anything. Then I take the masturbator off and clean myself. I crawl under the duvet and try to sleep. Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow she will open her beautiful chartreuse eyes.

August

Forty

Zane

I’m just reminding you, little fish, that Andre Rieu’s concert is only a month away. I’ll be playing at the Royal Albert Hall in front of hundreds of people but the performance will be just for you. There is a box seat waiting for you. Will you please try to come and watch me play, Dahlia? After all, this is your dream …

October

Forty-one

Olga

‘At midnight I saw the sun shining as if it were noon.’

-Apuleius, The Golden Ass

I bend down and stroke her hair. ‘It’s time to wake up,’ I tell her, as I have done every single day since she came back from hospital. ‘Come on. You can do it.’

All these months I got no reaction, and yet today something is different. I can feel it. I touch her cheek. ‘Wake up, brave American eagle and catch your snake,’ I whisper fiercely.

Then I straighten and watch her.

There.

A twitch.

Her face twitches.

I clasp my hands together and start praying. I should go call the nurse, but I don’t. Instead I will her to wake up.

‘Wake up. Wake up. Today is a very important day. You must wake up. Come on. Zane needs you today. You must wake up, brave eagle.’

I wait.

Then.

Her finger … moves.

I stop breathing. Oh God, please let her wake up.

Forty-two

Dahlia Fury

In the beginning I heard indistinct voices, but I could never tell if I was dreaming or not. They seemed to be very close to my ear. I dropped in and out of consciousness effortlessly and without any control. I had strange dreams. Often there were balls of fire. I thought I was a child again walking in a meadow.

Sometimes I’d feel my body being moved around on the bed.

Slowly, I heard the voices of all the people I loved. I understood everything they were saying and I wanted to reach out, oh how much I wanted to talk to them, but I was like a tree, voiceless, unable to move my limbs on my own.

I know that the big concert is today.

Zane will be playing the piano at an Andre Rieu concert. I am so proud of him. No matter what, I cannot miss this performance. I pull my eyebrows upwards with all my might and manage to half-open my eyes. The light is like knives, entering my eyes and piercing my brain. It blinds me and I snap my eyes shut. I feel a rush of movement, then I hear the curtains being drawn closed I struggle again and open my eyes, this time fully. In the dimness of the room I slowly make out a blurry figure. The figure comes closer to me.