Crave (The Gibson Boys 3)

“I’m aware of that. And I’m sorry it makes it weird for you.”

“I’ll be fine. It’s not me I’m worried about.” He shoves away from the table. “If you two were on the same page, I’d give you my blessing. I love you both. But this isn’t easy to watch. It never has been. You’ve always kind of handled it, but …” He stops and turns around. “You seem different about it today.”

“I’m resolved to the fact that I have to take responsibility for my life. For my happiness.”

“That’s true.”

“I know it is. I’ve always lied to myself and thought things would change between me and Machlan, but they’re not going to. I have to accept that and figure out how to live with it.”

“And you think being here is the way to do that?”

“Yeah.” I sigh. “I can’t avoid Linton forever. I can’t avoid Mach either. I want to be able to come home and see you and Kallie and Emily. I want to run into Machlan at the gym or throw Kallie an engagement party and not hem and haw about it because I know he’ll show up. He’s going to have to be a part of my life, and I have to make that work.”

“And?”

“And I’d like to be free to fall in love someday. Get married. Have a family …” When my voice breaks on the last word, Cross reaches for me, but I wave him off.

He gives me the space to get myself together. I shove all those thoughts out of my head, something I’ve practiced long enough to be decent at, and get to my feet.

“You good?” he asks.

“I’m good.” To help the effect, I give him a thumbs-up. “Any advice?”

I watch with amazement as his cup is rinsed and put into the dishwasher. “I have something, but it’ll probably complicate things.”

“Not sure it could get more complicated.” I stand and make my way across the kitchen, shoving my glass in the dishwasher before he can shut it.

“You didn’t rinse it.”

“It only had water in it.”

He scowls, pulling the cup out and rinsing it before putting it back in the dishwasher. “Kallie wants everything rinsed first.”

“Oh, please.” I laugh. “Has Kallie whipped you into a baby?”

“Happy wife, happy life. Isn’t that what they say?”

“Yeah, but she’s not your wife.”

“Yet.” He almost sounds offended. “Anyway, back to you. If you are really in love with Machlan like I am Kallie, then I don’t think you’ll ever stop loving him. Even when she left me, I still couldn’t move on, and I had women throwing themselves at me.”

“Ew.”

He chuckles. “Can’t help I’m a good-looking motherfucker.”

“So. Gross.”

We laugh as he closes the dishwasher.

“What I’m trying to say, I guess, is I don’t think you can convince yourself you don’t love him. Not if it’s real love. Not if it’s like I love Kallie.”

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s not like that,” I lie, my heart squeezing. “Maybe it’s a high school crush that’s unrequited, and it’s time I make peace with that.” I head to the light switch by the refrigerator and look at my brother. “People do this all the time. The percentage of people who marry their first love is actually very low. They survive. I can too.”

He walks by, looking unconvinced. “Get a Plan B together, Had. Just in case.”

“I have one. I’ll hate him.” I flip off the light. “I got this. Don’t worry.”

“I have doubts.”

Following him down the hallway, I feel my spirits dip. Cross flips me a final grin before closing his bedroom door behind him.

Standing in the hallway alone, my thoughts an errant mess, I sigh before heading toward the guest room. “Yeah, well, I have doubts too.”

Five

Machlan

My phone rests next to the napkin holder in the center of my kitchen table. Fashionable from the eighties, each plastic side of it has faint etches of apples in the center. It’s hideous and probably not worth the effort it would take to throw it in the trash where it belongs, but I can’t do that. It was Mom’s.

I stare at my phone like it might hop off the table and gnaw off my leg. My fingers itch to pick it up and call a number ingrained in my brain deeper than any other—one of the very few numbers I actually know. With each passing second, my stomach twists harder until it pulls into a knot so tight I wince.

“Fuck it,” I say and swipe up the device. I ignore the number I really want to call and press her brother’s instead. It’s at the top of the list anyway from when I almost called it an hour ago but hung up before it rang.

As I gaze out the window over the sink, the phone rings once. Twice. Three times. My blood soars through my veins as a hundred thoughts speed through my mind. I snatch my keys off the counter when I hear Cross’s voice come through the line. The keys clatter to the table.