Tumble (Dogwood Lane 1)

The glow from talking about Dogwood Lane flickers away. The chill that’s been inside my soul for a day now comes back. I shiver, lifting the coffee to my chest and holding it with both hands.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” She leans forward on the rickety pub table and looks at me with a seriousness that startles me.

“Is what what I want?”

“This.” She holds her arms to her sides, her bangles catching the light from overhead. When they drop to the table, they jingle. “Don’t get me wrong. I want you here. But do you want you here?”

I sit, stunned. My jaw hangs open as I look at my best friend. “What are you talking about? Of course I want to be here.”

She sips her coffee, eyeing me over the cup. Her question leaves me irritated, and rather than call her out, I take a drink of my overpriced coffee.

Finally, right before I’m ready to lose my mind, she sighs. “Look, Neely. All I’m saying is that I’ve never seen you as animated as you were a little while ago. You’ve been excited about articles and opportunities, but I think you just went ten sentences and didn’t even breathe.”

I look at her like she’s lost her mind. Still, her stupid words cause my mind to drift back to Dogwood Lane. My heart pangs for the smell of fertilizer, the taste of Mom’s pie. I’d do almost anything to see Dane’s smile and hear his voice whispering at the shell of my ear.

“That. Right there,” she says, pointing a pink-painted finger at me. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

My stomach rolls as I look at the manicure and think of Mia. “Enough, Grace.”

“I can’t let this go. Trust me, I’d like to. I’d like to tell you what concert tickets I bought us and fill you in on my dating life. But none of that is important, and this is. And as your friend, I have to be honest with you even when I’ll lose in the end. You need to go home, Neely.”

“I can’t. I go to see Frank tomorrow.”

“I get that. And you deserve that job. But if anything in the world made me smile like you do when you talk about Tennessee, I’d never leave it.”

I lean forward and look at her earnestly. “But this is the only thing I’ve ever wanted. To be at the helm of something big. I’ve waited my whole life for this moment.”

“You don’t think I understand that?” She arches a brow. “I kill myself for the same thing you do. I bust balls every day so I can feel like my life means something. But you know what?”

“What?”

“I don’t have anything else.” The light in her eyes dims as she glances down at her cup. “I don’t have a Tennessee. I don’t have a mom who bakes pies or a Dane who adores me. Or a Mia, but I’m kind of happy about that.” She makes a face. “But if I did have them, I’d walk away from all this.”

My throat squeezes shut as I think of all the things she’s just said. There’s a pull on my heart I almost can’t bear.

“You have waited your whole life for this,” Grace says, standing. It takes a second to get her balance on her two-inch heels. “But which moment do you mean?” She grabs her purse and coffee and kisses my cheek. “Call me later. I’m late for a meeting.”

I watch my best friend exit the café and hail a cab. I won’t see her again until the weekend because there won’t be time. There never is here.

I get to my sneaker-clad feet, happy not to be wearing heels today, and take my phone out of my pocket. A picture of Dane, Mia, and me at Mucker’s is my screen saver, and as much as it kills my heart to look at it, I can’t change it. It’s my last thread to a few days of my life that will always feel like some of the best.

Before I tuck my phone back in my purse, it lights up. I don’t know the number, just that the area code is Tennessee. With bated breath I answer. “Hello?”

“I heard ya left.” Penn’s voice glides through the line. “Is that true?”

“Yes.”

“You kind of piss me off with this shit.” He tries to say it like he’s joking, but the grit on the back end proves he’s not. Not entirely, anyway.

“Penn, I’m sorry. It was a last-minute decision, and I didn’t have time to make the rounds.”

“Yeah, I know. You never have time for us peons down here in the sticks.”

My heart splinters. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Maybe not. I mean, I know you like me even if you don’t like the rest of them. Can’t say I blame you,” he jokes.