Tangle (Dogwood Lane 2)

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Fucking is the problem. Not me. But man, if you’ll just be honest with yourself, it’ll help.”

“I have a decision to make here, Jake.”

“Want my advice?”

“Not really.”

He chuckles into the line. “Well, you called me, so I’m calling bullshit on that.”

I rest my head on the steering wheel. “Everything here is wrapped up.”

“Yeah. I know. We covered that.”

“So I’m coming home.”

“Okay. I expected that.”

I heave a breath because I don’t know how to explain. I don’t want to explain it or to care to explain it, but the truth of the matter is I fucking care. A lot. And I can’t just shake that shit off like it’s a girl I met at a café, eating doughnuts.

Every girl I’ve had before, I’ve known there would come a day when I wouldn’t see them again. It was inevitable. It was fine. It was expected, even. So why the thought of going home without Haley kills me is so fucking confusing.

“You know, we live in a day and age where you can travel distances fast. And we have things like text messages and video chat and email. It’s almost like the other person is right there,” Jake says, patronizing me.

Says the fucker who has never tried a relationship, let alone a long-distance one.

I climb out of my truck, needing the fresh air. “Damn it, Jake. It’s not that simple.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“What happens a year from now when I don’t want to be with her anymore?” I ask.

“What happens a year from now when you aren’t and you wish you were?”

“Stop playing devil’s advocate with me and answer the fucking question.”

“I did answer the fucking question. You just don’t like my answer.” He sighs. “She’s really fucked you up, hasn’t she?”

I hate him for saying it. Hearing it like that makes it so real. So true.

“Something like that,” I grumble.

“Why don’t you just come home and see her on the weekends? Try it out for a few weeks or months and see what happens? It might fix itself.”

He doesn’t get it. Hell, I barely understand it myself.

There is nothing to fix. I’d see her every other month if that was all I could have, but that’s not the problem. The problem is there’s no reason to do it. We’ve known that from the start. She’ll be expecting it to last forever, and I’ll be looking for a way out in six months. It’s how I work. It’s how we work. It’ll never work together.

“It’s not like I don’t understand the concept of dating, Jake. I’ve been there. Done that.”

“So? What’s the issue, then?”

I look at the door of the Dogwood Café. A couple of weeks ago, I walked in there and saw her bent over that bar. Little did I know that moment in time would rock my world to the core. Little did I know that my heart would even want to be rocked.

My chest is so tight I can barely breathe. I can only relax when I’m with her, and I can’t be right now. Because I really can’t be when I have to go home and leave her here.

For my own good, but also, more importantly, for hers.

I can’t promise her what she wants and needs. What she deserves is the whole world. I won’t be the guy to break that promise. I just won’t make it.

“I’m going to ask you a question, but you have to promise me something,” I say.

“Okay. What?”

“You can’t laugh at me or think I’m a pussy.”

“I’ll try,” he teases.

“Jake . . .”

“Fine, fine. I won’t make fun of you on the phone. Deal?”

I groan. I wish I could hang up now, but I need his opinion. I’ll have to make do.

“Fine,” I say. “Do you believe in love?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Does it sound like I’m serious?”

He sighs, that damn chair squeaking again. “Okay. Do I believe in love? Yes. I do.”

“Why?” I press.

“I don’t fucking know. Why not believe in it? It even makes sense scientifically, if you think about it.”

“Why?”

“Well, it bonds people together, I guess. It gives you a reason to wake up. It keeps a couple together to raise a family or to have experiences that are more satisfying.” He pauses. “Why? You don’t?”

I pace a circle, my boots crunching the gravel. “Yeah. I do. But here’s my problem with it: I’ve never experienced a love that didn’t end. And I haven’t seen it either. And if you haven’t seen something, does it exist?”

“You don’t think Dad loves Meredith?”

Apart from Saturday night, Dad and I have never talked about emotions. He’s never been particularly emotional, so why start now? Does he love Meredith? I don’t fucking know.

“Maybe. But Dad married Mom and that ended in war. Meredith was married before and that failed. Look at my first serious relationship—that landed Tera in the hospital,” I say, my heart breaking for her. “Why did that happen? Because I didn’t feel like I was in love with her anymore, and she couldn’t take it.”