In Too Deep
Saying it out loud, giving voice to the dark thoughts he’d had for years was both freeing and heavy.
The words carried weight. His chest tightened as he thought of all the missed years with his dad. He looked to his brother for some kind of reassurance.
Brendan’s grip on his bottle tightened, but he didn’t say anything. Didn’t refute Ronan’s words.
Jimmy stood. “I wish I had more for you. If you find something else for us to go on, let me know. I’ll do what I can.”
“Appreciate it,” Ronan said, forcing gratitude past the rock in his chest.
Brendan walked Jimmy out. While they were saying goodbye, Ronan looked at the notes Jimmy left. Official reports were barely filled out, but the handwritten comments Jimmy added spoke volumes. Cahill might be slick now, but twenty years ago, he might’ve made mistakes. If no one knew where to look, they couldn’t find them.
“So what do you think?” Brendan asked when he came back into the room.
“I think we have to go back twenty years and retrace Dad’s steps, know what Cahill was doing. I think he messed up somewhere and we just need to find it.”
“It ain’t gonna be easy. It’s all been buried for twenty years.”
Ronan stood. “I’ve got a strong back made for digging.”
“I’m not just talking about the hard work. I mean the repercussions of whatever we find.”
“Cahill’s gotten away with it for too long.”
“Cahill’s not the only one who will feel the consequences of the truth coming out. You’ll get your answers. But what about what it’ll do to Mom?”
“Mom will be fine.” Their mother was the strongest woman he knew. “How could the truth be any worse than not knowing?”
“If we’re right about Cahill, it’ll hit her hard. She trusted him.” Brendan shook his head. “And what about the rest of us?”
“Are you saying you want to drop this now? Because it might upset the balance of your perfect fucking life?”
“My life will be just fine. You’ll lose your job. But we haven’t mentioned any of this to our family. This will blindside them.”
“So we tell them.” Ronan’s irritation grew. They’d come further along lately than he’d been able to in years.
“Tell them what? We’re investigating the possibility that Alan Cahill killed our father? What happens then? We have no proof. Hell, we don’t even have a body.”
“At least they’ll know.”
Brendan sighed. “The more people who know make it more likely word will get back to Cahill.”
Ronan closed his eyes and held tight to his frustration.
“Hey,” Brendan said. “I’m just thinking out loud.”
Ronan looked at his brother. “It feels like you’re talking in circles.”
“I am, I guess. We know Cahill is suspicious of you. If he thinks we’re on to him, he might try to cover up whatever remaining tracks he might’ve left. Right now, he’s gotten away with whatever he did to dad. Probably never looked back. Who only knows what he’s done in the decades since. We all know the power he’s wielded for years.”
“And you don’t want to give him reason to look back now. I get it.”
“It’s more than that. Someone that dirty doesn’t just stop. They get a taste of getting away with shit and they keep going. We could be unraveling a mountain of secrets.”
“I’m not walking away. For the first time in years, I feel like I’m on the edge of something.”
“We are. It’s just a lot of grunt work that’s gonna take time.”
More fucking time. As if twenty years hadn’t been enough.
“I’ll take Jimmy’s notes and combine them with what I have. Go see your girlfriend.”