Blame it on the Vodka (Blame it on the Alcohol)

I held her challenging gaze. They always brought it up, but we laughed it off. She wasn’t laughing now.

A flare of warmth bloomed in my chest whenever I was with Austin, but I always shoved it aside, refusing to think on it. I explained it away as a feeling of friendship—even though I never had the same feeling with Nova and Vera. If I didn’t study it too closely, I wouldn’t have to think about it, and nothing would change.

I almost laughed because now, everything had changed.

Austin had changed.

“I can’t be with someone I don’t recognize.”

“Does that mean with everything—friendship too?” Vera asked.

A fist reached in my chest and squeezed, stealing my breath and forcing the golf ball up my throat. I barely swallowed it down before choking out, “I do—I don’t know.”

The thought of marriage terrified me on levels I’d thought I’d moved past.

But the thought of losing Austin completely shook me to my very core, leaving a mass of emotional chaos I didn’t know where to begin to unravel.

“Just take some time,” Nova said softly.

“Maybe this time will force you to stop hiding from your feelings,” Vera said, not holding back any punches.

I huffed a laugh because no amount of time would change my mind.

“It’s not that simple. I made a promise to myself when I was young—I would never be married. I would never trap myself with someone, only for them to end up changing into a monster.” As if to ensure that promise stayed intact, life sent me Bodie as the perfect reminder of why I made it in the first place.

“If it helps, I think Austin is the good man he’s been since we’ve known him,” Vera said. “I don’t think anyone can claim to be completely rational in anger.”

Nova pointed through the screen, nodding her head in agreement. “But he still has to make it up to you so you can feel good around him again. Maybe this will be the time you need to at least restore your friendship.”

“Maybe,” I agreed, but it lacked commitment.

I took a sip of my red wine, wishing it was something stronger.

“Is that what happened to Bodie?” Vera asked, and I almost spit the wine back out.

Oh, my god. They know.

My heart thundered, and I kept my head down, eyes glued to the liquid that matched my cheeks. Shame washed over me like a tidal wave threatening to pull me under. I wished it would. I wished I could vanish from this moment rather than face these two women who thought I was so strong, only to admit how weak I really was.

“Did he change too much? I know he got insanely clingy in the end,” she finished, making me realize that she didn’t actually know.

“Remember when he wouldn’t even come to New Year’s Eve with us?” Nova recalled. “Now, I think he’d try to come in the ladies’ room if he could just so he didn’t have to part with you. Talk about stage five clinger.”

“More like stage eighty,” Vera joked.

I focused on calming my breaths. Digging for the calm strength I used to always have, I managed to laugh with them, adding an eye roll for effect. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“Ugh,” they both groaned.

“Like I said, fucking trapped.”

“You look happier,” Vera said, smiling like a proud mama.

“I am.” Even if things weren’t perfect, I was at least free from Bodie.

The front door opened, and Vera and I groaned in unison over the delicious smell of Chinese that came with it.

“I guess I should probably get going. Parker will be getting up soon,” Nova said, wagging her brows.

“Naughty Nova,” I cat-called. “While you’re taking care of Parker, I’ll be taking care of that fat, delicious baby.”

Nova pouted. “Give her kisses from Auntie Nova.”

“Okay, give Parker kisses from me.”

We laughed and hung up, and I raced to the door to drown my worries in the squirming ball of joy that Vera had obviously made on her own since Nico was too much of an ominous creature to create something so perfect.

“Hey, my sweet little Camila. Let me take you from that mean ole daddy.”

Nico gave me a side-eye while greeting his wife. “Hopefully, girl talk went well. And is over.”

“You just missed it,” Vera said. “It was a titillating conversation about how marriage is a trap.”

He pursed his lips and studied his wife with narrowed eyes. “Hopefully, a good one for you.”

“The best. I’d let you catch me again and again.”

Watching them almost made me wonder if being trapped by Austin could be good. But then I remembered watching my mom crawl us out of hell and knew it was a risk I couldn’t take.

After getting my baby snuggles in, I finally headed home, feeling better about my plan. It wasn’t perfect, but maybe it would help Austin and me salvage our friendship. I was so lost in thinking of ways to keep Austin as my friend that I missed the man standing at my door until his dark shadow loomed over me.