Savage Saints (Monsters of Saint Mark's)

“Yes. Because I have a life there.” And this is a weird thing to say. For me, at least. Because I’ve never had much of a life. And if you had asked me a few weeks ago if being cursed inside the walls of Saint Mark’s was my idea of a life, I’d have laughed. But that place feels like home now. And the people there—even though the monsters are new—feel like, well, if not family yet, at the very least friends.

Tarq lets out another long breath. “Well. If that’s how you feel.” He turns his back on me. And as he walks out of the lab he calls over his shoulder, “See you tomorrow.”

Just as he’s leaving, Talina is entering. “Hi, Tarq,” she chirps. “Bye, Tarq,” she snickers.

She kicks the doors closed with her foot and walks over to me with a carry-tray of coffee cups and little glycine bags of pastries. “I bumped in to Mikayla and she started forcing pastries on me.” Talina sets the tray down on the table and hands me a coffee, then slides two pastry bags over to my side. She sits down in the same chair where Tarq was just a few moments ago and takes a long sip of coffee. When she comes up for air, she smiles and sighs. “I needed that. Oh.” She points at me. “Before I forget, the girls want me to invite you to come to the party with us on Fireday. We’re meeting up around seven and—”

“No.” I put up a hand to stop her. “I can’t.”

Talina blinks at me. “But Pie, it’s a big deal.”

“I’m sure it is.” I’m not really sure of that at all, but three invites to the same party in the span of an hour has to have meaning. “I only work here, OK? I don’t live here, I don’t party here, I don’t… do anything here, apparently. Except exist. I can’t stay and party, Talina. I have people at home.”

“Right.” She forces a smile. “I knew that. The girls were just really excited about meeting you and want to get to know you better.” She puts on a serious face. “Don’t worry though. I didn’t say anything. They have no idea you’re Princess Pianna.”

Oh, God. That name again. “I’m really not her, Talina.”

Talina nods at me. “Got it.” But it’s all very conspiratorial. Like it should come with a wink.

“I just can’t go. And it’s not a joke. I’m walking between worlds, Talina. And this is not how life works, OK? It’s weird. And disconcerting. And, frankly, I’m surprised you even want me to go. And if this is just some… polite gesture, well—”

“Pie.” Talina reaches across the table and takes both my hands in hers. “No. It’s not a polite gesture. We like you.”

“Why would you like me? I’m just a freak. This body?” I scoot my chair back and stand up. “This isn’t even me! It’s part of my curse. In my real body, I don’t have horns, or hooves, or fur. I’m human. I drive a run-down piece-of-shit Jeep. I have an imaginary bird friend called Pia. And I’m stuck in the woods in rural PA.”

Talina gets up from her chair and walks across the lab to her bench. Then she turns and looks me straight in the eye. “That might all be true.”

“Might?”

“Might. But then again, Pie, it might not. Did you ever consider that you don’t belong in that world? That you were born in this one and put there so we could not find you?”

I don’t know what to say. Because, of course, I had that whole convo with Ostanes when I was hovering between life and death during the banishing. But that feels like a dream. Even this place feels like a dream. Every second I’m here I’m on edge. And I think it’s because I’m afraid that I will jerk awake and when I open my eyes, I’ll be sleeping in the backseat of my Jeep in a random gas station parking lot while on my way to Toledo.

And even though that doesn’t have to be a bad thing in all ways, it would be a bad thing in the ways that count.

Because Pell and Tomas, they feel real. I feel like Pell and Tomas and I are meant to be. The hallways proved it, right? We were children together. We ran in the woods. We lived in a realm of ancient gods. We were made by a great alchemist. Little drone moths live in my palm and give me eyes for days and days.

I’m not ready to rewrite my history once again and that’s what this place is trying to do.

“Listen.” Talina’s voice is softer now. And I realize that she probably read my thoughts just by the expression on my face. At the very least, she understands my confusion. “There will be more parties, Pie. Hell, there’s another one on Charmday. Maybe you could let Pell and your friends know you’ll be late that night so they don’t worry? And it’s smaller than this palace thing. Zantha has earned another certification, so we always celebrate afterward. It’s very casual, though.”

I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.

“Or not,” Talina chirps. “Forget it. It’s no big deal. We can just have coffee and lunch with the girls during work hours, if that’s better. They just really liked you. And it’s funny.”

“Why is it funny?” My voice has a little edge to it.

“Because we’ve been a tight-knit group since we were children. It’s been just the five of us for so long. And even though plenty of girls have tried to infiltrate our little pack, none have ever passed the first test. Until you, that is.”

“First test? What’s that mean?”

“We all have to like the new girl equally. And no one has ever been liked by all of us equally. There were a few who got the majority vote. But none before you who got the unanimous one.” She shrugs. “It’s dumb, I guess. But we’re family. I feel about them the same way you probably feel about your friends back in your world. And that’s why I wanted to go get coffee alone this morning. We took our vote and we all agreed. We like you, Pie. We want you to be part of our little group.”

They want to be my friends.

This offer is so foreign to me, I’m suddenly confused and overwhelmed.

On the one hand, isn’t this what I wanted? Didn’t I just write a haiku about being lonely and friendless?