Out of the Ashes (The Game 5)

He inclined his head. “Definitely. I failed there. I failed spectacularly.”

Nooo, I didn’t want him to say that. “We both did, Master. Our D/s dynamic isn’t a communication get-out-of-jail-free card for me. We have the same responsibility to speak up.”

He furrowed his brow. “I know, but it’s my job to set the protocol. It’s my job to check in with you every now and then, just like I do in the middle of a scene to make sure you remember your safeword. Things got out of hand with those events.”

Yeah, they’d pulled us apart, if only a little. We’d begun meeting up with more partners.

“We stopped talking about who we met up with,” I said. “We had our rules—only meet up for kink—but we didn’t discuss further than that.” I paused. “How many subs do you think I’ve been with without your involvement?”

The pinch between his brow deepened. “I don’t know. Four or five?”

“One. One single guy, one single time. It felt so damn wrong without you there. I was out of my element, and I don’t even wanna know what he thought. I can’t play without you, Lee.”

It was comical in a tragic way how his posture and expression changed. “I really thought—” He sat straighter, his mind undoubtedly spinning. “But you’re so active online, and you meet up with people all the time.”

“Yeah, friends.” I quirked a grin, despite that it wasn’t all that funny. It was a big problem for us. “I like talking to people. Sometimes I flirt innocently, but you of all people should know it takes a lot for me to be interested. It’s why I’ve always liked public demos. They’re a free ride. I don’t need to be interested in their minds because I’m married to yours, and you’re right there next to me, showing an audience something new, showing them what you’re capable of—what we are capable of together.”

During public demos, I didn’t care if we were sexual or nonsexual with a partner because Lee always put me first, and he showcased how much he loved having me with him. I’d loved being his “best helper.”

“So all this time…” His mind was clearly still reeling. “One guy? You only met with one person without me while we were together?”

“Uh, yeah.” Was that so hard to understand? “You even met him. It was at that Kink and Wine mixer we went to in Baltimore last spring. He was interested in both of us, but you weren’t feeling it.”

It took me an hour with the guy to realize I wasn’t feeling it either, but I’d been blinded by my urge to be a Top.

For a brief moment, Lee appeared crestfallen. “Why have I assumed the worst about you?”

I didn’t know, but I’d done the same with him. “I could ask that too. I dread finding out how many you’ve been with, even though I’m pretty sure it’s not as many as I think.”

He shook his head and dipped down, and he hugged me to him and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I didn’t meet up with anyone without you, baby.”

Oh. Emotions bubbled up so fast that I didn’t know what to do, but he had things covered. He squeezed me tightly, and that was what I needed while I let the relief and confusion tear through me. He’d asked the right question. Why had we assumed the worst about each other? When had we become so defensive?

I sniffled and screwed my eyes shut.

The sharing of partners was the problem. And subsequently, so was the lack of communication.

“We have to stop hurting each other because we’re insecure.” He released me, only to cup my cheeks and brush his thumbs under my eyes. “I hate seeing you sad, my sweet boy. We’ve bled enough. It’s time to heal.”

Well, if he said stuff like that, I was just gonna tear up even more!

“Come here.” He scooted out a bit and parted his legs, and I was quick to crawl between them. It was a favorite position of mine, when he trapped me with his strong legs and played with my hair. “Do you want me to get you a pillow or the covers?”

I shook my head and rested my chin on his leg. “It’s better now, thank you.”

“You should eat one more slice, though.” He leaned forward and grabbed one for me and one for himself. “No need to make Master worried about you disappearing.”

I smiled as a rush of contentment flowed through me, and I accepted the pizza slice. Not wanting to get his jeans dirty, I grabbed a new napkin and placed it on his leg so I could wipe my fingers.

“All right—first rule of our reboot, love,” he said. “We only play together. No meetups with others on our own whatsoever.”