Let Me Burn (Angel Sands 1)

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“It was a good party, wasn’t it?” Chelsea asked Ember, as the two of them walked along the shoreline later that evening, their bare feet sinking into the wet sand. The sun was slowly setting into the horizon, painting the sky with a palette of oranges and blues. A few wispy clouds drifted above the skyline, their tips tinged with deep purple.

Ember loved the beach at this time of night. It reminded her of when she was a child, and their father would sneak her down for one last paddle before bedtime. After Chelsea was born, Ember had clung a little closer to him, surprised and perplexed by the closeness her mother had to the new baby. And he’d stepped up, the way a father should, making her feel special and loved. He’d shown her that her age gave her special privileges. That they could go on adventures that Chelsea couldn’t until she was older. He taught her that being a big sister had way more benefits than downsides.

She felt that keenly, now, as they meandered toward the boardwalk, the lights from the pier sparkling in the distance. She missed Chelsea when she wasn’t here, especially after her split with Will. There was a special bond between the sisters that made her heart feel full.

“It really was,” Ember agreed. “I think Mom enjoyed it, even if I caught her having a little cry in the garage earlier.”

Chelsea sighed. “She spends a lot of time in there, doesn’t she?”

“She says it makes her feel closer to Dad.” Ember wiggled her toes in the sand. “Though all it does is make her upset. I keep telling her we should clear it out, but she won’t.”

“It will be a hell of a job. I don’t blame her.” Chelsea raised her eyebrows. “There’s stuff in there going back forty years. He never threw anything out.”

Their father wasn’t exactly a hoarder, but he liked to keep old things. Empty boxes of appliances they’d long since stopped using, old collections of stamps, and maps that he hadn’t looked at in years. He’d kept them meticulously organized, in labeled boxes that lined the shelves, but there were still so many of them.

“Remember how Mom used to tell him to throw it all away?” Ember said, as they reached the shoreline. It had been Chelsea’s idea to come down to the beach, the way they used to when they were kids. To watch the sun sink down, and the curtain of night lift up. “Here’s her chance, and now she’s refusing to do it.”

“I guess people grieve in different ways,” Chelsea said.

“Yeah, they do.” A wave washed in, covering their feet as they walked. The water was surprisingly cold given the warmth of the evening. They were both still wearing shorts – though Chelsea had covered her arms up with a jacket, and Ember had pulled on one of her mom’s old sweaters before they left the house. “I just wish I could do something to help her.”

That was the hardest part. Dealing with her own grief was one thing, but watching her mother try to claw through it was another. A reminder of what happened when you lost somebody you loved.

Ember knew a little about that.

“I’m worried about both of you,” Chelsea said, turning to look at her sister. It was as though she could read Ember’s mind. “And if I’m being honest, I feel a little guilty as well. I’ve left you to carry most of the burden while I’ve been in Sacramento.”

Ember smiled, reaching out for her sister’s hand and folding it in her own. “You didn’t abandon us, you have work to do. And this isn’t a burden, it’s our family. Sometimes one of us will do more work, and sometimes the other will.” She squeezed Chelsea’s fingers before letting them go.

“But you’ve had so much to deal with.” Chelsea sighed, shaking her head slowly. “With Will leaving, and Dad dying so soon after. It must be awful for you.”

“It wasn’t that soon. It was two months later.” The breeze dancing in from the ocean was making her lips feel dry. She moistened them with the tip of her tongue, tasting salt on her skin.

“I can’t believe he didn’t come to the funeral.”

“I told him not to, remember?” Ember’s chest tightened at that memory.

“Yeah, well he should have come anyway.” Chelsea’s words were full of a grudge only a sister could hold. She’d been angrier at Will’s behavior than Ember had, ranting about him where Ember only felt numb.

She

inhaled a deep lungful of ocean air. All this talk about loss was getting her down. “Well, it’s history now. Time to move on.” The corner of her mouth quirked up. “Things can only get better, right?”

“Have you ever thought of moving out of town?” Chelsea asked. Seeing Ember’s horrified expression, she gave a little laugh, then grabbed her sister’s hand. “Don’t screw your nose up. Maybe it would be good for you and Mom to get away from all these memories, make a fresh start. You could come to Sacramento. There are a lot of jobs there.”

Ember tried to picture herself living in a big city like Sacramento, being so far from the shore and the ocean. What would it be like to wake up to office towers and concrete every morning, rather than the sand and sky she was so used to? It had been strange enough when she went to university in San Diego. It had taken some time to get used to the sounds and the scale of the city, but even then she’d had the beach and the wide-open sky to fill her soul.

“And leave Angel Sands?” Ember asked, smiling at her sister to soften her words. “I can’t ever see it happening.”

Chelsea shook her head, her smile mirroring Ember’s. “No, I can’t either. You’re like an Angel Sands institution. They’d set up a search party if you left town.”

Ember laughed. “That doesn’t sound so flattering.”

“Shut up, it’s flattering as hell. People love you here, all your students and their parents. They rave about you.”

Yeah, well she raved about them, too. Ember loved being an elementary school teacher. She could never quite understand people who dreaded Monday mornings, because she always walked into school with a smile on her face.