Chasing The Sun (Angel Sands 7)
For as long as he could remember, he’d believed that his mom had been the one to walk out. He’d thought that some people were never supposed to be tied down. He’d built defenses around his heart to make sure he’d never be like his dad, pining for somebody he could never have.
If he was truly honest, that’s why his relationship with Hayley never worked out. Sure, he’d gotten engaged to her, but he’d never truly let her in. Never let himself be vulnerable to her. And when she’d met somebody else and gotten pregnant – he’d told himself that’s just what women did.
After that, the shields he’d carefully built around his heart had gotten stronger. Harder. He’d told himself he was fine being
alone. He had his business, his friends, and never wanted for female company.
Until Lydia.
He swallowed hard, remembering the way she’d looked before he walked away hours ago. Her eyes dark and full of clouds he knew he’d put there. Because he hadn’t been honest. Not with himself and not with her. He’d walked away without telling her how he truly felt about her, because he’d been too damn scared she didn’t feel the same way.
If he was truly honest, he was still scared. She’d found the tiniest chink in the armor of his heart, and burrowed her way in. And now that the barrier was breached he had no idea how to close it again. She was there, whether he wanted her to be or not. And when she left today, it would hurt like hell, because he’d let her in.
He stood there for ten minutes, but thoughts were still buzzing like flies in his head.
“I know you said you needed space, but I wanted to check if you were okay.” His dad stood next to him, holding two Styrofoam cups of coffee. He offered one to Jackson, who took it silently, lifting it to his lips and taking a mouthful of the bitter drink.
“I just needed to get out of there.”
“Most people feel that way about hospitals,” his dad said.
Jackson laughed, and Ryan smiled at him.
“I’m sorry,” his dad said quietly. “For messing you up with our relationship. I know things haven’t been easy for you. Not with Hayley leaving you and all.”
“That was years ago,” Jackson told him. “And she did me a favor.”
“I’d agree with that. To a point. She certainly wasn’t good enough for you.” Ryan sipped at his coffee. “But she also hurt you. Even if you pretended everything was fine. The same way me asking your mom to leave hurt you. It might have been for the greater good, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.”
“Yeah.” Jackson leaned his head against the brick. “I guess it’s like lancing a boil. It hurts, but you gotta get the pus out.”
Ryan laughed. “Another good description of Hayley. But seriously, I’m sorry that we never had this conversation before. We should have. But I’m just not good at talking.”
“Yeah, well there are a lot of things I should’ve said before. Like I hate the way you always give in to mom whenever she needs anything.”
Ryan nodded. “I know. But she’s different from us. She’s not strong. And she’s still your mom.”
“She’s an adult,” Jackson pointed out. “There has to come a time when we stop bailing her out.”
“You’re right.” Ryan sighed. “I’ll tell her there are some conditions to me taking her home. First of all, she needs to agree to get some help. Proper counseling. And she needs to stop asking for money.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
Ryan caught Jackson’s eye. “Then we learn to say no.”
Jackson smiled. “Good.”
Ryan eyed Jackson carefully. “And where are you?” he asked. “I don’t mean the hospital, but where are you with life? I know you and Lydia got pretty close these past two weeks.”
“I’ve fallen in love with her,” Jackson admitted. “Every damn part of me aches when I think about her.”
Ryan’s eyes opened wide at his son’s candor. “You love her?” he asked, a smile breaking out on his face. “That’s great.”
“She leaves today. And she has no idea how I feel.” Jackson pulled at his hair, letting out a sigh. “I need to call her. Tell her.”
“What time’s her flight?”
Jackson glanced at his watch. “Twelve. She has to leave Angel Sands by eight to get there in time.”