Absent in the Spring (The Shakespeare Sisters 3)

‘Like what?’ It was Adam’s turn to grin at her, as he gently poked fun at her.

‘I used to like you, Adam,’ Lucy said. ‘Now I’m not so sure.’

It was a lie. She loved Adam the same way she loved Sam – because they made her younger sisters happy. It had been one of the greatest gifts of her life to watch her sisters blossom and fall in love. And as she looked at Juliet, all alone in spite of being married and having a family, she couldn’t help but wish that her third sister had experienced the same.

‘Okay, I’m going to call this videoconference to order,’ Lucy said, realising that if she didn’t, the six of them would carry on like this for ever. And as much as part of her would like that, she’d been honest when she said she had other things to do. Like a whole pile of work she’d been neglecting for weeks. ‘Are you all right with me just getting everything out there?’ she asked them. ‘Or do you want to ask me questions?’

Five faces looked back at her through the screen. ‘Just get it out there,’ Cesca said. The others nodded.

Okay then. Lucy grabbed her glass of water, swallowing a mouthful to moisten her tongue. She’d done nothing but think about this for the past few days – well, this and the mess she’d left behind in New York – and somehow it felt good to be finally talking about it.

‘I guess the first thing to remember was we were all so young back then,’ Lucy said, putting her glass down on the counter beside the laptop. ‘I know we thought we were old, and the bee’s knees, and that we knew everything. But really, we were still kids. And in those days I saw everything in black and white. The girls at school were either my friends or my enemies – though that could change on a daily basis. And as far as we were all concerned, our mum was a beautiful angel who took care of us all.’

Across the Atlantic, her sisters were nodding at her words. She could see that their eyes were already glassy. Thinking back to those days was stirring up emotions in them all.

‘And I don’t want what I have to say to make you change your opinion of her, or of Dad. They were just human like the rest of us, that’s all.’

She took another swallow of her water. She wasn’t sure whether it was all the talking that was making her mouth dry, or the memories. ‘It was one of the last days of term – I remember that because it was Sports Day, and I really didn’t want to take part. So when I actually felt sick, I thought all my Christmases had come at once. I spent a morning in the school nurse’s office throwing up, while they tried to call Mum to pick me up. They even tried to call Dad, but he was in a meeting at college, so in the end they told me to make my own way home.’

She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering that day. The memory was so vivid she could almost feel the way her stomach had griped all the way home, and how she’d clasped her hand across her mouth to stop herself from being sick on the pavement. ‘There was a strange car on our driveway when I got home, but I didn’t think anything of it. I don’t know if you remember but we were always having workmen come in – a house like that was under constant repair. But as soon as I put my key in the lock and opened the door, I was greeted by silence, not the banging or drilling I usually heard.’

She could hear her voice start to wobble. All this detail she was giving them was more of a way to put off the inevitable than anything else. And it was making things worse – she could almost be standing there in that hallway, waiting for her world to cave in.

‘I called out but there was no answer. Nobody in the kitchen when I walked past it. By that point I thought there was nobody in the house, and decided to go and sleep whatever bug I had off.’ Her chest tightened as she continued to speak. ‘I was walking past Mum and Dad’s room when I heard a noise. And for a second everything made sense. I thought Mum must be ill, too – maybe she had the same bug as me. So I pushed the door open to tell her I was home.’

She had to bite her lip not to cry out, the same way she had when she’d walked into that bedroom. The carpet had been soft beneath her feet. Across the room a window was open, the curtains dancing in the breeze, but that wasn’t what had drawn her attention.

‘I saw her in bed with a man. It was only later that I recognised who he was. He was her co-star from the play she was in. Dan Simons was his name. But he really didn’t look the same with his clothes off.’

‘Oh, Jesus.’ Cesca shook her head, covering her mouth with her hand. ‘You saw them.’

‘Only for a second, and then I ran out. I barely made it to the bathroom before I was being sick all over again.’

‘Were they…?’ Juliet trailed off, though her question was clear.

‘No, thank God.’ Lucy wrinkled her nose, not wanting to think about that. ‘But they were lying together on her bed. On Dad’s bed.’ She could feel the anger take over her, the same fury she’d felt as a teenager. Her mother’s betrayal had felt like a slap to every one of them.

‘It was a few minutes later that she came into my room. We had an almighty row. I told her I was going to tell Dad, I was going to tell all of you, too. I said she was a bitch and I hated her.’

She could see her sisters were crying, and felt a tear roll down her own cheek. She wiped it away impatiently. ‘That was the night before she died.’

‘And did you tell him?’ Juliet asked. ‘Did you tell Dad about them?’

Lucy shook her head. ‘I wasn’t brave enough. I wanted to, but I was scared. I couldn’t stand the thought of them divorcing, and him leaving us all. I thought it would all be my fault that our family would be broken.’

‘You’re wr

ong, it was never your fault.’ Kitty’s voice was soft. ‘None of this was your fault.’ Behind her, Adam hooked his arms around Kitty, pulling her closer to him. She rested her head against his abdomen. Seeing the tenderness between them made Lucy’s heart clench.

‘The rest all seems a bit messed up in my head,’ Lucy told them. ‘Of course I remember going to school the next day, and Mum picking me up. I wasn’t expecting her, she obviously decided to have a chat with me, to tell me that it was nothing, just a fling. That’s when I lost it with her, and we were both screaming at each other, making all kinds of accusations. She was driving too fast, and it was raining too hard. As soon as she lost control of the car it was all over.’

‘And she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt,’ Cesca said.

‘That’s right. But I was.’ And that was all it took – the difference between life and death. A thick strip of fabric and some moulded metal. ‘And she died because of me.’

A loud sob escaped from Juliet’s mouth, echoing over the connection. ‘She didn’t die because of you,’ she said, her voice thin. ‘None of this was your fault.’

Lucy paused to take in a lungful of air, feeling the oxygen course through her like a bolt of adrenalin. She couldn’t stop now, not when it was almost over. She owed them the rest of the truth. ‘As soon as I came home from hospital I tried to talk to Dad about it, to tell him what had happened. But he blanked me. He’d hole up in his office for hours, he’d forget about meals and the fact he had four daughters. He was in his own world of pain and it was like he couldn’t be reached.’