Boyfriend Goals

“Deal.”

“They’re hot…on you…and your piercings. Especially the ones in your nipples. I like to flick them with my tongue.”

Heat spread through my groin. “Stop giving me a boner in public.”

He gasped, looking over my shoulder. “You’re hard?”

“No, but I will be if you keep talking about sucking things on me.”

“Ugh. Fine. Turn around so I can do your front.”

I did, cocking a brow at him. “You know I can do this myself, right?”

“Yes, but I like touching you.”

I liked him touching me too. He rubbed sunscreen on my torso and arms, but I drew the line at my legs. I could do that myself. I returned the favor, adding the lotion to his front, back, then his cheeks, nose, and forehead. “We wouldn’t want this pretty face to burn.”

Damned if he didn’t blush.

“Did you go to the beach often in California?” I asked when we lay beside each other on our sides.

“When I was younger. It’s weird to go alone or with your mom as an adult.”

I didn’t understand why Milo didn’t have friends. There was no one I liked spending time with more.

“There were people, Gideon,” he said, reading my thoughts. “It wasn’t like I was completely lonely; just…no one who lasted or that I connected with. No one that my brain would call a true friend because I knew that I’d be too much for them. And honestly, I was okay with that. People are difficult. You’re not, though…or Rachel. It just clicked. I’ve never experienced that before.”

We had clicked, hadn’t we? “That’s because I’m awesome.”

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” His eyes didn’t meet mine when he asked, but I couldn’t pull my gaze away from him.

Jesus, it twisted me up when he said things like that to me. Made me realize I wanted things that weren’t on the table, that he didn’t see us ever being more. “You asking me out?” I teased.

His eyes snapped to mine. “God no, I would never do that.”

“Sometimes I think you hate me.” My smile must have told him I was joking because he buried his face in his hands and laughed.

“I’m sorry. I’m the worst. I didn’t mean… I wasn’t saying…”

“It’s fine, Lo.” He didn’t have to explain himself. He wanted friendship and sex. There was nothing wrong with that. I quite liked our arrangement, though sometimes I wondered if I’d be okay with the boyfriend thing too.

“So why don’t you have one?”

“Well, I’m not sure you’ve noticed, but Little Beach is sincerely lacking in queer, eligible men.”

“Good point. Did you have one before?”

“When I lived here as a teenager, or when I moved to the city?”

“Both. Everything. I want to know everything about you.”

I didn’t think there was anything I wouldn’t share with him either. “I was dating someone for about a year and a half before I moved back home. I thought it was serious, and we’d discussed monogamy and supposedly were on the same page. But I found out he’d been cheating on me almost our whole relationship.”

“Why would someone ever cheat on you?”

“Right? It makes no sense. I’m a catch.”

“Did you love him?” Milo traced circles on the blanket with the tip of his finger.

“No. I liked him a lot, though. I thought there was a chance I could love him. It wasn’t meant to be.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

I sighed, unsure how to answer. “That’s a difficult question. You know Kris? We’ve been best friends our whole lives. When we were teenagers, we started to experiment with each other. He was the first person I ever told I’m gay.”

“Is he bi?”

“Yes, and while his wife knows, it’s not something he shares with many people, so that needs to stay between us.” I trusted Milo with the secret, and I knew Kris trusted my judgment and would be okay with Milo knowing. “But yeah…I loved him, and that got confusing because he was my best friend and I didn’t know if the love came from there or if I was really in love with him. Eventually I decided it was the latter, but Kris didn’t feel the same. For him, it was friends with benefits. It was tough because he felt bad, like he’d let me down, because he hurt me and didn’t see me the same way. But he couldn’t help how he felt—or didn’t feel, I guess.”

“Is that why you left?”

“Part of the reason. I always wanted to experience life off the island, though. I didn’t think I would come back.”

“Is it awkward between the two of you?” he asked next, and I shook my head.

“No. He’s my best friend.” I nudged him. “Well, one of them. I have two now.”

Milo bit his bottom lip and grinned. It did something to my insides, twisted me up in a good way. “Did you have sex?”