Playboy Pilot

Sometimes love is for a lifetime.

Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.

Ours for a little while.

Wings for eternity.

It had been twelve years, yet time hadn’t closed the wound that was ripped open by Lucy’s death. It still hurt like hell. Fresh pain. Only today, instead of chasing it away, I welcomed it.

I read the beginning of the inscribed words again.

Sometimes love is for a moment.

Sometimes love is for a lifetime.

Is this what Maria wanted me to see? I tried to make sense of it. Was Lucy my moment and Kendall my lifetime?

Wings for eternity.

Was she trying to tell me I didn’t deserve either? That I was destined to fly around the world for eternity and never settle down?

The ache intensified. I squeezed my eyes shut as the taste of salty tears hit my nasal passage. Was this my punishment? Lucy had loved and lost. I’d done that to her. It made me realize that my life was easier to live before Kendall ever walked into that airport bar. They say that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but right now, I was thinking that’s a bunch of bullshit. Wouldn’t Lucy and I both have been better off if we’d never loved? I wouldn’t have realized that my life sucked before Kendall and Lucy would…still be here.

My shoulders started to shake long before the sound came. When it all hit me, I had to sit down in the snow, or I would have fallen over. As much as I tried to fight it, I couldn’t anymore. The sobs rose from deep within me, and I cried for all of the losses. For Lucy’s parents who never got to experience any of the joys that my parents had. For Lucy and Kendall, for letting them down because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. And for the realization that…

Sometimes a Moment is a Lifetime

…and that’s all you get.

FIVE DAYS OF R&R didn’t help. I’d decided to forego visiting my parents even though I was only a short drive to their house. I was a mess, and if they’d seen me in this condition, it would only make them worry.

Sadly, I couldn’t wait to get back to work. Being in the air had become my home, and I was going stir crazy anywhere else. I arrived at Detroit airport three and a half hours early for my flight. The crew check-in hadn’t opened yet, so I headed to the Sky Lounge to get some breakfast while I waited. I’d just ordered a turkey and Swiss omelet and sat down to read the paper when a familiar voice called my name.

“Hey, Trip.”

Alexa Purdy was definitely not dressed in the standard-issue Captain’s uniform. She looked more like she was going to the beach than about to command a commercial flight. Her toned legs were long to begin with, but the short shorts she had on coupled with high heel sandals made her look like she could be a New York City Rockette.

“Alexa.” I nodded.

“Where you heading today?”

“New York. You?”

She gave me an I’m-going-to-eat-you-for-dinner smile and purred, “New York.”

“Flight plan had Ken Myers listed as my second.”

“Oh. I’m just a passenger. I was supposed to meet my friend in the city for a few days. But she cancelled on me at the last minute.” She pouted and flirtatiously swayed back and forth. “Now I’m all alone.”

I cleared my throat. “It’s a busy city. I’m sure you’ll find lots to do.”

Without being invited, she sat down across from me and tilted her head. “Do you still have that little blonde girlfriend? What was her name? Kylie?”

I didn’t bother to correct her because saying her name hurt too much. “It ended.”

Alexa didn’t even pretend to hide that my answer made her happy. “And how long are you in New York for, Trip?”

“Just the one night. Have a flight out to Copenhagen tomorrow evening.”