Ringmaster

Elke rolls her eyes. “I think you mean melodramatic.”

Despite everything, I find myself smiling. “That was my reaction. Both my reactions. Stop being melodramatic, Cale, but oh how romantic. Now he always throws the sixth knife.” My mind drifts back to that beautiful night. The precious memory of being in Cale’s arms. Of being alone in bed with him, with nothing between us anymore. The tender memory makes my heart ache.

“I’m afraid it might all collapse if we tell everyone how we feel about each other. I had to work so hard to make him notice me.”

Elke makes a derisive noise. “Please. I watched him the morning after you came to the circus, and he brought Dandelion to you. He was glowing. That man was smitten the moment he saw you.”

I flop onto my back, staring at the ceiling of the wagon. I wish I’d seen that, if it’s true. What a beautiful thought, that he might have started feeling special things for me then, like I did for him. The moment he reached down from Jareth for my hand.

I stare at the ceiling for a while, feeling depleted after the show and the short conversation with the girls. Soon I start to feel queasy, a sensation I realize has skirted the edges of my awareness for the past few weeks. I didn’t eat much for dinner, but suddenly my stomach revolts. I’m going to be sick.

I bolt for the door, but when I put my hand on the latch, I merely dry heave and my stomach settles down again. I turn back to my bed and sit down. “It must be the stress. I haven’t been myself lately.”

Anouk nods understandingly, but Elke looks suspicious.

“What?” I ask, accepting the mug of water she passes me, and take a sip.

“You don’t think you could be pregnant, do you?”

I spit the water all over the floor and start coughing. “What? No!”

“I’ve noticed you haven’t been eating much lately, and you’ve been pulling faces like the smell of food makes you feel sick. When was your last period?”

She’s right. I usually love Gorran’s cooking, but lately it’s not been agreeing with me. I scramble to remember when my last period was, but the word pregnant is sounding in my head like an alarm. “Um. The hearing?”

“Before or after?”

“Before.” I stare at the other two in shock. That was two months ago. How did I not notice?

“Have you and Cale been using protection?”

I feel a blush creep over my face. I’ve loved feeling his bare flesh against mine, and the spurt of his seed. It’s kind of hot. Plus I get to take some of him with me when we go back to our own beds.

I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Well…no. But that doesn’t mean anything. My friend’s mum ranted to us when we were nine about how hard she was finding it to get pregnant and she was so tired of counting days and taking her temperature. That’s why they say you have to try for a baby. Cale and I haven’t been trying.”

I look between Elke and Anouk, who are gazing at me with a mixture of amusement and pity. Something other than nausea stirs in my belly.

“Is that the extent of your sex education?” Elke asks.

“Well, kind of? At school we talked about periods and things. It was ages ago, though.”

“Some people have to try hard for a baby,” Anouk explains. “Some people don’t. My grandma told me once that it seemed like grandpa only had to look at her, and bam. Pregnant.”

I stare at her in shock. I know Anouk’s exaggerating, that it takes more than just looking, but I thought pregnancy took effort. Planning. Hoping. I never imagined it could just happen.

Thinking about it now, I realize how dumb that sounds.

“Does he, uh, pull out at least?” Anouk asks with an embarrassed grimace.

I shake my head.

“Oh, my god. Cale’s an idiot if he thought you weren’t going to get pregnant.”

“Cale probably knew exactly what he was doing!” Elke snaps.

I turn to her in surprise. “Why do you say it like that? He wasn’t thinking any more than I was. Besides, babies are lovely.”

Cale’s baby. I touch my belly, feeling the first tendrils of excitement. He has so much love in his heart, and so do I. If I’m really having his baby, it’s going to be the most loved little creature in all the world. A smile breaks over my face and tears swim in my eyes. I’m going to have Cale’s baby.