Want Me (Mess with Me 4)

“People talk. It isn’t just us noticing that Sunfire keeps stealing accounts from us.”

“Great.”

“This isn’t just a job for me. I love this place and I don’t want to work anywhere else. Milo feels the same way. If Elizabeth is going to fight dirty, then maybe we should, too.”

Before I can talk myself out of it, I spill the whole story about the cabaret club and all of my fears about taking on another risqué client. Mya listens closely, only interrupting once to clarify a point. She paces back and forth as she takes it all in.

“I understand your fears. It’s always a risk to step outside the lines but maybe that’s exactly what we need.”

“What if it blows up in my face like last time?”

“Unless you plan on running away with one of the cabaret dancers, I think that might have been a once in a lifetime thing.”

Her wry comment breaks the tension and we both laugh. For the first time, I think there might be light at the end of the tunnel. My worries about the business crashing down around me have been heavy on my mind for the past few months. I’m so used to doing everything on my own and that includes shouldering the burden of worry. But as Anya pointed out, my staff members are capable and ready to help out.

The only one holding them back is me.

“You’re right. I’ve been so focused on the negatives but there are a lot of things we could do with this account to take us to the next level.”

Mya nods her agreement. “It’s a risk but I think it’ll be worth it. Let’s make a pros and cons list. There might be some things we haven’t considered that will help make the decision easier.”

When things get quiet, I look up to find Mya watching me.

“What?”

“Ever since Elizabeth called, you’ve been different. I just want to say that sometimes things go tits up.”

“Excuse me?” I splutter with laughter at the mental imagery that phrase calls to mind.

Mya shrugs. “That’s probably not the most professional way to put it but it’s true. Sometimes in life things just don’t go our way. Even if we do everything right. Especially when we do everything right.”

Her words hit a chord inside. Isn’t that often how I’ve felt? Years of playing by the rules and walking the straight and narrow and look how things turned out.

“Yeah. I hear you.”

“Anyway, my point is that the potential for disaster is always there but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means you haven’t found what does work for you. Yet.”

An hour later, we’ve come up with an impressive list of reasons for and against bringing on the cabaret club. We also generated a list of research topics the junior agents can tackle for us to make the decision easier. Just before she leaves, I call out her name. She pauses next to the door, her eyebrows raised in inquiry.

“What do you do? When things go… tits up.”

Her soft laugh makes the question less awkward.

“Personally, when it feels like nothing makes sense, I go where I feel safe. Where things seem right.”

Mya’s words are still on my mind hours later. I’m thinking about what she said even as I approve the month’s payroll and field a call from an angry client about the late notice our accounting department sent. As I’m dealing with all the usual annoyances of being the boss, I’m turning her words over and over in my mind.

Where do I feel safe?

It’s not something I’ve ever really thought about before. It’s not like I’m a little kid anymore, hiding with my brother from one of my father’s tirades. No one controls me and I’m strong enough to defend myself. I don’t need other’s opinions or approval. But even as I have the thought, I know that’s not what Mya meant. She wasn’t talking about physical safety clearly.

When I look up, I’m standing outside of Anya’s office. Resigned, I knock once and then wait. When she doesn’t answer, I twist the doorknob and walk in.

“What in the hell?”

I peer around the room in confusion. Every inch of floor space is covered with boxes. The label on t

he closest one is from the company that handles our office supplies. I recognize the name from the large invoices that come across my desk quarterly. We used to order supplies monthly as needed but Anya worked out agreements with our suppliers to get us better discounts if we made larger orders. I wonder if she’s working on some special project and needed to order way more supplies.