Midlife Do Over

Valona sucked in a breath, her nostrils flared as she leaned across the kitchen table with a suspicious look. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“I do.” With my chin lifted in defiance, I refused to back down. It had taken years for me to come to this realization, but it was a natural part of the healing process. “High school couples break up all the time, especially before jetting off to higher education or the military or the workforce. Sometimes it’s necessity or geography that breaks them up, and it’s sad and eventually they get over it. None of that describes my break up with Ryan.”

“Pippa, you were over the moon for him.”

“I was, and I’m not debating that, but he clearly wasn’t over the moon for me. That’s the part that offended him.”

“Offended the pants off him,” she shot back with a short laugh. “And you.”

“We weren’t wearing pants,” I told her. “We were wearing big and fluffy robes. Very nice, if you’re looking for a short weekend getaway with a hot young thing.”

Her face flushed furiously and she shook her head in denial. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Right. Anyway, I think we cleared the air, engaged in some really incredible and ill-advised sex, so there’s nothing left to say about it.” And whenever I found my mind wandering to other possibilities, alternative endings, I told myself exactly that. “Now I can focus on the restaurant, and he can do whatever he does when he’s not around.”

“You seriously haven’t talked about it? Not even on the ride back from Gatlinburg?”

“Nope. We talked about menu specials, upcoming events and ways he could promote the restaurant using his fame.” He’d been surprisingly cooperative about the whole thing which I should’ve found suspicious at the time, but I was so grateful he didn’t want to talk about the previous night that I just went with it.

“You two have to be the most stubborn people on the planet. Is it really so hard to open your big mouths and communicate?” The words came out on an angry growl and I knew her feelings had more to do with what happened with her never-to-be ex than Ryan and me.

“Valona, this isn’t the same. We ended decades ago and we were never serious, definitely not married like you were.”

“I know,” she said on a sigh. “And I’m sorry. You’re right. Your situation with Ryan is nothing like mine, except for the fact that you two need to talk, to hash it out for real to see if there’s something more than leftover anger and hurt between you.”

“The hurt is going to go away Valona, believe me I’ve tried a lot over the years. I’m not angry.”

She snorted and arched a brow. “You’re not?”

“Not until he starts saying stupid things like how he misses me and still loves me. That does piss me off because I hate a liar, and Ryan Gregory is a liar, at least when it comes to me.” I finished off my coffee and refilled it right away. “I got over the anger years ago, Val, as soon as I realized that I had placed more importance on our relationship than he did. And then I was just sad.”

“And the hurt, where does that come in?”

“How do you feel about trusting a man after what Randy did?” It was the only way to make her understand.

“I’m not thrilled about the idea of dating again, or trusting a man with my heart. Or the girls’ hearts.”

“Exactly. That’s why I’m still hurt because my misperception of our relationship allowed me to go all in with a teenage boy who was never truly serious and that one heartbreak set the stage for future relationship failures. All of them.” That was something I wasn’t sure I could ever forgive Ryan for doing to me.

“Pip,” she said on a sympathetic sigh. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“Because contrary to what it seems like now that I’m back and he’s back, I haven’t had a reason to bring this up, or think about over the years. I realized it, healed from it, and for the most part, I’ve moved on. But trust issues don’t go away easily.”

“Amen to that, sister.”

We shared a smile and I shook off the melancholy of thinking about my past relationships and how spectacularly they all failed. “At least I have a job that I love and so far, it’s going well.”

“Professional success is pretty darn great, isn’t it?”

“So good, especially when I thought my days working in fine dining were over.” That was the upside of coming back home, far enough away from Chicago that my past wouldn’t follow me constantly. “Private room bookings are increasing and we have some events booked months out for wedding rehearsal dinners, bachelor and bachelorette parties, book club dinners, even athletic associations for awards dinners. And Nina is a dream to work with, she’s creative and brilliant and fun.”