Everything About You

This extra moment in time.

But would this memory be something to trash or treasure?

Would it bolster or break me?

Unfortunately, there was only one way to find out.

Back then, I had wanted forever. Unexpectedly, he only gave me “for now.”

Now he wanted a second chance for the forever we missed out on. But I wasn’t sure I’d ever be willing to give it to him.

However, I was willing to carve out this time for him. For us. After that…

I couldn’t think about what would happen after. I had to wait to see what happened first.

He kept his back to me as I set the lube and condoms nearby and stepped into his personal space. The scent of his soap or whatever he was wearing—maybe even whatever he used to prep—filled my nostrils.

When he slowly turned and his blue eyes met mine… I knew right then how dangerous all of this was for me.

It wouldn’t take much for him to crush my heart and soul all over again.

I knew better than to do this, but was about to do it anyway. I was once again being stupid when I should’ve learned my lesson the first time.

I hated the fact that in the time in between, no one could ever replace him. No matter how hard I tried. No matter what I did. No matter who I did.

Whether he knew it or not, Tate was my soulmate. He was also my obsession.

One I was never able to recover from.

I had lived with it for all these years, hoping one day I’d wake up and it would disappear.

Just like him.

And similar to an addict, I tried to convince myself that one more hit wouldn’t hurt. It would just give me some temporary relief and I could easily quit tomorrow.

I closed the gap between us until our bare toes actually touched. I leaned in until our mouths hovered. Neither touching or moving away. Just an exchange of warm breath over parted lips.

With each inhale, I stole his oxygen. With each exhale, he stole it back.

However, my thoughts kept interrupting me.

Warning me I shouldn’t do this again.

Reminding me that I already had a permanent hole in my heart. If he broke it again, there might be nothing left to heal the second time around.

I shouldn’t kiss him at all. Kissing was far too intimate.

But when he whispered, “Roe,” I focused on his mouth. Then I crushed it with mine.

The impact was so hard, he stumbled backwards until his back hit the window behind him, shaking the glass. But I stayed with him, keeping us connected. Pillaging his mouth. Warring with his tongue.

Battling those doubts invading my mind.

Trying to convince myself that what we were about to do meant nothing. No different from a Grindr date.

Even though, I knew…

I knew deep down that wasn’t true.

And when he touched me… His long fingers gripping my jaw, encouraging me to take the kiss deeper…

His mouth greedy. And needy.

Familiar.

Like returning home after a long trip.

His fingers trailed down my chest, skimming over my nipples and stroking the trail of hair leading from my navel to my aching cock.

His touch caused a current to snap and crackle along my skin. The same as when I was a child and foolishly stuck a fork in the electrical outlet, even after being told not to do it.

Would this be a similar lesson I’d need to learn all over again?

He didn’t stop the drag of his warm fingers at the waistband of my shorts, he pushed them down as he went until he circled his hand around me. His breath caught at the back of his throat.

I deepened the kiss when he began to pump me. Softly at first. Tentatively. Then each additional stroke became bolder, more aggressive.

If he continued as he was, I’d shoot cum all over us both. But I didn’t want that. My plan was to take his ass and make it mine. Even if only for tonight.

I ripped my mouth from his so I could find my breath, gather my wits. Not just drift away, lost in his touch.

But I wanted it. I needed it.

And, fuck me, I had missed it.

It caused an ache in my chest almost as great as the day I lost him.

Grabbing his wrist, I freed his hand from my cock, then pulled his shirt up his torso and over his head, leaving that unruly lock of hair of his falling across his forehead.

I ignored it but what I couldn’t ignore were his eyes.

Darker than normal and full of heat and desire.

If I looked in the mirror, I was sure mine would be the same.

But I read the pleading in them, too.

For forgiveness or for the sex?

Maybe both.

“Fuck,” he whisper-groaned.

I planned on it. Long and hard and fast.

But we needed to get there soon, before my protective walls completely collapsed around me. They were already beginning to crack and crumble with pieces landing at my feet.