Osamu Dazai's Entrance Exam (Bungo Stray Dogs 1)

“I can’t deny that I knew you had the wrong idea, and I just decided not to say anything ’cause it was funny, though.”

You little…

That said, a pure, honest man such as myself could have had it much worse in this kind of situation. Dazai could have said something like “You assumed the worst all because she spent the night at my place? Gee, Kunikida, you’re a real perv.” I wouldn’t be able to refute that, and I’d probably die an agonizing death on the spot. I guess I should just be thankful that didn’t happen.

…But how could I not imagine something like that? This is Dazai we’re talking about. In any case, if there is anything to be thankful for, it’s that he’s not some lecher who jumps on any woman he can get his hands on. Keeping a professional distance from the victim is more difficult than I thought.

“Just stop wasting my time, Dazai. If nothing happened, then we have nothing to worry about. But from now on, let’s make sure to keep a healthy distance during work and forge proper relationships with our clients. This is what it means to be a professional.”

“…I hear you.” He firmly nods before facing Miss Sasaki once more. “So what’s your type?”

“Didn’t you just say you heard me?!”

I take it back. He is a lecher who would jump on any woman given the chance.

“M-my type…? I’m sorry; I just feel it would be rather presumptuous of me to seek out a specific type of man, but…I do find men who are passionate about their ideals and really devote themselves to something to be…very attractive.”

…Come again?

“Aw man. You basically just described Kunikida! Looks like I never had a chance. Tsk. Well, you two enjoy the rest of your date. I’m gonna go make sure I still have all my fingers.”

“D-Dazai, get back here!”

“What? Ugh, now I forgot what finger I was on!”

“Quit sulking and take a seat!”

You can’t leave me alone with her! I wouldn’t know what to talk about!

“But I’m just an ordinary woman. Even if I was with someone who lived for his ideals, I wouldn’t be of any help. Even if I devoted myself to supporting those ideals, I would only end up getting in the way and exhausting us both… Ultimately, he would choose his ideals over me, and things would end there. So I think I will abstain from dating any idealists in the future.”

There is a hint of sorrow in her smile…but why?

“You’re so easy to read, Kunikida. You know that?”

“I—I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular! Quit looking at me, Dazai!”

“Ouch!”

I twist Dazai’s head until he’s facing the opposite direction.

“First, you want me to sit. Now you want me to look the other way. Can you make up your mind? Anyway, can we just get back on topic?”

…What were we talking about again?

“Oh, about keeping Miss Sasaki somewhere safe, yes? Well, I do have some acquaintances with the police I could contact…”

“Hey, um…I really appreciate what you’re trying to do for me, but I don’t want to bother you any more than I already have… So please don’t worry about me. I’ll find a hotel to stay in tonight.”

“I can’t allow that. Hotels aren’t safe, and sending you to one after the recent events would be in bad taste. Having said that, I wouldn’t trust Dazai to keep his hands to himself if you stayed at his place again. Come stay at mine.”

“Huh?”

“Huh?”

“D-don’t get the wrong idea! I have no ulterior motives, if that’s what you’re implying!”

“Actually, from the way this conversation’s been going, it sounds like an ulterior motive is all you have. You just don’t know when to quit, eh?”