5
An hour later, she trots out of her room, with her chin up in the air and her suitcase strolling behind her.
“Where are you going?” I question, confused, but also a little panicked.
I expected us to end, but I also hoped we could talk things out, agree to be friends while I find her an apartment or whatever. I didn’t expect her to flee from my house within the hour.
“Home.”
“What do you mean, home?” I get up from the couch with my coffee cup in hand.
“North Carolina.”
“Baby, you don’t have to go,” I say, my voice pained while I feel tears pushing behind my eyes at the thought of her leaving. By the thought of her staying. How come both thoughts make my heart squeeze in fear?
“I’m not going to pretend we’re friends, Bodi.” She gives me a disappointed look. “Thank you for the opportunity to work for you.” Her voice cracks and tears fall from the corners of her beautiful eyes. “You gave me a chance when I thought no one would, and I’ll forever be grateful for it. You gave me the chance to find out what I’m capable of.”
“Kayla, please don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing this, Bodi. You are!” She points her finger at me, her hurt expression flashing with anger again. Her breath stops as she pinches the bridge of her nose, then lets her shoulders slog down. “You know, I can’t even count how many times you told me I was too young for you. Funny, that now, when it matters, I’m the one who’s acting like the adult.” A sad chuckle falls from her pursed mouth before she sucks in a deep breath, then slowly exhales with her gaze aimed at the floor as if she’s finding the courage to keep going. When she looks up at me again, she bites her lips to hold back her tears.
“I love you, Bodi. I’m in love with you and I might be only nineteen years old, but I’m not afraid to say it. I’m not afraid to tell you that falling in love with you was both terrifying and thrilling and that as much as I resent you right now for breaking my heart, for not acting like the strong, sensible man that I know you are, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret us. I just regret making myself believe I was enough for you to face my fears.”
I gasp when she throws the last line on the table, my heart splitting in half when she does.
She throws a bundle of paper on the counter. “Here is your next bestseller. Maybe that will bring you the happiness you want,” she sneers. “Goodbye, Bodi.” Without giving me a second glance, she walks past me, tugging her suitcase behind her. My heart screams that I need to reach out for her, yank her back into my chest. But I’m frozen to the floor, my muscles completely rigid while my fear cripples me.
“Kayla!” I shout right before the door falls shut behind her and I squat to the floor.
“Fuck!” I roar, throwing my cup across the room. The glass splinters onto the floor and it feels like they are all cutting through the soft tissue of my heart. Tears flood from my eyes as I weep into my hands, but they don’t make me get up and follow behind her. They don’t demand that I chase her.
“What the fuck am I doing?” I whisper to myself, repeating the words over and over again like a chant. My eyes stay fixed on the broken shards, the frown on my forehead giving me a headache while it feels as if my heart is slipping from my chest. I keep saying how I don’t want to end up like my dad, not willing to lose my mind. But the more minutes that pass by, I wonder if living without a heart is worse. Because I have no fucking clue what to do. I have no fucking clue what choice to make. But there is one thing that’s fucking clear; Kayla took my heart with her when she walked out the door.