A Bad Habit - Taking The Leap

Her little pussy squeezes my dick as I give it to her. Everything I have, which isn’t much, my vow of poverty and all, is hers.

“Jacob, this is so intense. I love it. I need more,” she whispers, mindful that we are not alone in this house.

“Come for me, Beth. Let me feel it.” I feel my orgasm start to rise and I fill her with my seed. Collapsing on top of her, we lay there in silence. The gravity of what we’ve done sinks in and I start to think about the reality of what this means.

I am done with the Church unless I decide to be like my counterparts of history and make her my mistress while keeping my position within the church, but I know that I can’t do that to her. I also don’t think it would be good for my sanity or my moral compass.

“Oh goodness,” she says from under me.

“I’m sorry, Beth. I should have controlled myself better. This was-”

“Don’t you dare say this was wrong or a mistake, Jacob.”

“Alright, I won’t say it,” I say getting up from the couch, putting my clothes back on. This is weighing heavily on me. I couldn’t resist her, and I didn’t want to anyhow. She lays there watching me dress with a bit of a pout which warms my heart. “You really are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life,” I tell her. Kneeling near the couch, I kiss her again.

“Thank you, but I am already in love with you. You don’t have to keep saying that.”

“I will always say that, and I will always mean it.”

“What about when I am old and grey?”

“Especially then because that will mean we got through the rest of this life together. Whatever happens, we will get to the other end of life.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” she says.

“And what did you come up with?”

“We are already in the thick of it. What if we just continued as we are? I’ll stay a novitiate and you still do what you do.”

“That’s pretty dishonest,” I say.

“Is it though? It’s not in the Bible, meaning it’s not God’s Law. Just the Church.”

“But that is so we can focus on our flock.”

“You don’t seem like the kind of man that would allow this to divide his focus,” she says.

“No. It would. I am already so conflicted. Guilty. While I don’t think that there is anything wrong with our love, I really shouldn’t celebrate Mass or give Communion.”

“So, we’ll leave the Church. Start over somewhere new. You could be a pastor or something if you still feel called to the cloth.”

“You’d do that for me?” I ask.

“I’d do anything for you, Jacob. This has been weeks in the making, but it seems like much longer than that, but I am glad that it finally happened.”

“Me too. What happened here?” I ask finally tracing the scars on her taut belly.

“The car accident. They are all over my back too,” she says rolling over to show me.

“Poor baby,” I say while smoothing my fingers over her back. She shivers under my touch. “I should let you get dressed.”

“I have to make dinner anyhow, but you’ll come to me tonight, right?”

“Try and stop me,” I reply helping her to her feet. I watch as she puts the sexy underwear she has back on. Later, I will love her more thoroughly than I had a chance to this afternoon.

After kissing her again. She goes on her way and I sit down behind my desk. I have long been an advocate for removing the requirement of celibacy from the priesthood. Taking out a sheet of paper, I begin a letter to the Vatican. In order to leave my vows, I have to write a dispensation to the Pope. A leave of absence would be too painful for me. I know the Church is experiencing a shortage of priests, I think that it would be crazy to turn away someone who wanted to be a priest. There is no way God would only want celibate men spreading the Good Word. I would think that anyone with Him in his heart would do, to be honest. I begin to pen my letter.

Your Holiness,

I hope this finds you well, Your Eminence. I am not sure if you’ll remember this, but we met about four years ago in Rome for a conference on safety in the Church. If you do remember me, this will come as a shock, I am sure. I was so adamant that my calling was being a priest. Even then you told me to be sure of this before I take my vows. I have valued your counsel all these years. I thought I was sure. Surer than sure. I thought that nothing else would ever feel this right. Therefore, this is either the happiest or saddest letter I have ever written. I regret to inform you that I have fallen in love and acted upon that love. She is also a Godly woman, a good Catholic with a charitable heart. A Novitiate. She was sent to me as my secretary and it was truly meant to be. The decision to act upon our feelings weighed heavily on us, but in the end, as 1 Corinthians 13:8 tells us that love never fails, we decided that we could not leave it be. As such I should seek to leave the Church or hide my love from the world. However, the truth is that I do not wish to do either of those things. Instead, I simply seek to ask you to reconsider the Church’s position on celibacy. I am not saying that priests should be allowed to have multiple partners or be immoral, but if they seek to have a loving relationship that also lifts the Lord on high, it should be allowed. I know that exceptions have been made for South American priests and those that convert from other religions to help with the shortage, but it should be a universal canon. I am sure you have come across this topic before and this letter will be one of many, but I would be eternally grateful for a response one way or the other. If I must leave, I will, but know that I do not wish it. I still feel every bit the priest I am, but I am also a man. A man in love with the one woman meant for me. One who will help me on my journey, and I think that there is something to be said about that. I await your response. Thank you for your counsel once again.