A Bad Habit - Taking The Leap
This can never be.
This can never be.
This can never be.
Internally chanting this mantra doesn’t seem to be helping but I need it to work.
“Did you need something, Beth?” he asks after who knows how long I stand there staring at him.
“Mmm. Yes. I need the keys to the car and some money. I need to go grocery shopping.”
“Of course. Of course,” he says, taking a card out of his wallet handing it to me along with a set of keys. “There is a Black Ford Escape outside for your use. You do have a driver’s license, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do. I’d never be so reckless.”
“Very well. Drive safely,” he says, winking at me. WINKING at me. I don’t understand what is happening here nor do I understand why I am drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
“What is my limit?” I ask.
“Limit?”
“To spend?”
“Oh, get whatever you want. No limit,” he says, and I balk.
“Father, that is wasteful.”
“We literally have nothing, Beth. Get whatever you think we need to survive for a while,” he tells me before turning his back to me. I watch as his fist clenches at his side. He turns again to look at me. “Take my coat from the rack in the rectory,”
“Okay. I’ll take it.” I leave quickly. As soon as I am behind the wheel of the SUV, I begin to relax. How can the man, any man, but especially him, make me so nervous? Make me forget to breathe? Make me wish things were very different? Putting the coat on, I take a deep breath, which is a mistake. It smells like him. Sandalwood, and sweat maybe. I don’t know what exactly, but I like it. Far too much.
Starting the car, I use the navigation system to locate a grocery store about three miles down the road. I pull out of the little parking lot behind the church and into traffic. Following the directions, I make it to the store in just a few minutes. I begin shopping by going up and down every aisle, grabbing everything including the basics. Quickly, I plan a week’s worth of meals, snacks, drinks, and desserts. I take my time shopping because I am totally hiding from the priest who sets my blood on fire.
Eventually, there’s nothing left to get, and I make my way to the checkout. Four hundred eighty dollars later I head back to the rectory. I pull up as close as I can to the kitchen door and begin to unload. I am not there for thirty seconds when Father O’Riley is out there helping me.
“You don’t need to do that, Father,” I tell him trying to take the bags out of his hands.
“Nonsense, Beth. And, please, call me Jacob. No need to be so formal,” he says chuckling. Raising my eyes skyward, I pray for strength, because mine is quickly waning.
“It wouldn’t be right. Dinner will be ready in an hour, Father.”
“If you insist, Sister. If you insist.”
“I am afraid I must insist,” I tell him, barely above a whisper, looking down at the floor. He growls, startling me. I look up a split second later. Our eyes meet and before I know it, or can think coherently enough to stop him, his lips are on mine and I am lost in this kiss.
This is happening.
This is happening.
This is happening.
This new mantra is running through my mind and I am unable to stop it. Do I even want to? I can already tell that he’s going to be a bad habit that I never want to break.
Chapter Four
Jacob
I honestly don’t know what came over me. Kissing her is a colossal mistake and the sweetest torture I have ever endured. For the life of me, I can’t stop kissing her. She is so responsive that unquestionably I need to see how far I can take this. I shouldn’t pull her wimple off, but I do. Her dark, wild, soft, and silky hair is in my hands. She groans and uses her small hands to push me away from her.
“Father O’Riley, have you lost your mind?” she asks touching her lips before running her hands through her hair.
“I think I have, lass. I think I have.” What is wrong with me? Kissing nuns isn’t something I should be doing. Hell, it isn’t something anyone should be doing. Especially not pretty Beth.
“You can never, ever do that again,” she says putting her wimple back on.
“I don’t think I can promise such a thing,” I reply honestly.
“Dinner will be ready in an hour,” she says after daintily clearing her throat.
“Thank you, Sister,” I say leaving the room in order to give her space she so obviously requires. I have to adjust myself as I leave the room. Willing my erection to go down, I head into my office and sit behind my desk. I should be working on my scripture selections and homily for Sunday, but I am unable to concentrate. All I can think about is Beth. Why was she so responsive? Did she have a lover before she took her vows? Just the thought of some unknown man touching what I already think of as mine has me wanting to break a Commandment or two. That sentiment stops me in my tracks. I shouldn’t want a woman to belong to me, but help me God, I do.