Until Lexi

“What about you, Penny? When are you going to tell us what happened between you and Hope?”

Penny drops her head, not liking her place in the hot seat.

I guess tonight's a night of truths.

So much for no drama, or talking about Hope.

“It’s a long story,” she says with a sigh.

“You got somewhere to be?” Riley asks.

“I’m mad at her,” Penny admits, but we already knew that.

It was in her reaction when Hope dropped the bomb on us about Mercy. Penny went through a whirlwind of emotions in the span of a few seconds, but whatever she was feeling… she kept that shit to herself, like she always does. Especially when it comes to Hope.

“I’m not mad that she kept everything a secret,” she admits, which makes one of us. I’m mad about it. “I’m pissed at her because she lied to me.”

Penny downs the rest of her first drink and pops the top on the second, taking a big gulp. I guess her story time is gonna take a little longer than mine. Hopefully we don’t have to pry it out of her.

“When Hope told me she was pregnant… my first thought was that it was Noah’s baby. I asked Hope outright. I asked her flat-out if the baby was Noah’s. She denied it and told me it couldn’t be. Said that she’d cheated on Noah with a guy at school, that the baby was his, but she didn’t want to tell him because he was bad news.” She stares out into the dark and chuckles. “So, you know me. I gave her my full support, and then some.”

“And you had no idea she lied?”

“I didn’t want to think so, but deep down I think I knew. Gut feeling, I guess? I don’t know. She said things sometimes that made me question her, but I think I ignored it on purpose.”

“Why?” I ask, knowing she needs a push. I know Penny well enough to know there’s something she’s trying to say, but she’s not sure how.

“I didn’t want the baby to be Noah’s. I’m an asshole for thinking he dodged a bullet, but Hope was never good to him. She wasn’t good for him, but she didn’t care. She’s never cared about anyone else’s feelings… not even mine.”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

“You were in love with Noah, weren’t you?” Riley asks gently.

“Did you know that I met him first?” Penny asks wryly. It doesn’t directly answer Riley’s question, but it speaks volumes. “Hope knew I was attracted to him, but it didn’t matter. She swooped right in and took center stage. She always had to be the center of attention, had to have everything be about her.”

“If he chose her over you, Pen…” I try to find the words, but I’ve never been good at offering comfort.

“No, it’s not Noah’s fault. Hope had this big, bold personality. It was impossible not to be drawn to her. Everyone was. I don’t blame Noah. He had no clue how I felt, and even though they were together, he and I became good friends for a while. Until Hope ghosted him, then I guess he forgot about me too.”

“I’m sorry, Penny,” I say, knowing it’s a useless platitude, but feeling like I need to say something.

“Yeah,” she says, scrunching up her nose. “Me too.”

We grow quiet again.

But quiet never lasts long around here.

“Well, fuck. That conversation went downhill fast,” Riley drawls.

We laugh.

Because what else can we do?

We’re all fucked up.

No one ever said we were good at dealing with our emotions.