A Queen of Ruin (Deliciously Dark Fairytales 4)

I clutched at his shirt and cried into his chest, the real reason this meant so much thickening the air around us. My many failures crowded my memory, things like flight issues, fucking up the names of the key players in the other courts, which fork to use at dinner, and all manner of other things that just didn’t seem to make sense. They were required all the same, though. For everything I did properly, there seemed to be eight things I got wrong.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he said softly, rocking me. He petted my hair, something he hadn’t done since my freak-out when Father was deteriorating in health. “You are trying to learn a lifetime of mannerisms and education in a few short months. You need to be easier on yourself. You’ve come so far in such a short time. Arleth is incredibly pleased with your drive and determination. She thinks you are doing great.”

I let out a ragged breath before more sobs racked me, all the fear, worry, and anxiety bubbling up and spewing over. I’d tried to be strong and keep it down, but it had grown to be too much. It was too consuming.

“You’ve already shown Nyfain your worth ten times over,” Hannon said. “You saved his kingdom. You saved him. You chased the demon king away, nearly dying to do it, and you cured his people. Now, your elixirs and draughts are helping fill our coffers. You’re creating unreal expectations for yourself, Finley. You’re not seeing things clearly.”

I wiped my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to calm down.

“Nyfain isn’t a prince,” he said, pulling back so that he could look me in the eyes. “He doesn’t have the blood of kings. He has the blood of a villager from another kingdom and a strong and determined commoner, like us. He is blazing his own path, and he wants you beside him. He wants the woman who doesn’t care whether he has wings. Who doesn’t care that he looks like some sort of handsome nightmare. You’ve never judged him. You’ve always supported him, even when he didn’t think he was worthy of it. You’ve always loved him unconditionally. That is what makes you perfect for him. Don’t sell yourself short because you might not have created a cure that no one has ever heard of. You’re more than that.”

The tears flowed freely. “That stuff doesn’t take any effort, though. I need something else to bring to the table.”

His smile was sweet. “No you don’t, you idiot. Not to him. And as for the rest of the kingdom, what more could you do for us than produce cures that fetch the highest price in the kingdom’s history? I hear they are more sought after than the faerie remedies, especially with my special plant in the mix. You need to sleep, Finley. Fatigue is muddling your brain.”

I frowned at him. “It’s time for hard truths, is it?”

“You know the drill. This isn’t the first time you’ve been like this. I could basically write up a script for it.”

“Oh yeah, Mr. Perfect?” I pulled away and wiped my face. “You never freak out?”

“You know that’s not true. I just haven’t been the focus for a while. I’m waiting in the rafters, hoping for the time when I can be useful.”

Which wasn’t entirely true. He’d been leading the advisory circle these last months, and he’d come up with ideas that had helped bring our people together, including bringing in a traveling circus and merchants. It had also helped word get out about my cures. While he was kicking ass there, he was also sticking his nose into the budget, using his years of handling our family’s accounts in hard times to save the kingdom money hand over fist. He was the only one that could scold me for wasting supplies and have me actually listen. I knew not to push back when he had the tone, something that had surprised a great many people. Still, I could tell he was unsatisfied. That he felt incomplete.

“You need to get out from under my shadow.” I pulled a cloth from the workstation and blew my nose before tossing the soiled cloth into the corner of the floor. I took a deep breath.

“I’m okay here for the moment,” Hannon said. “When you stop needing me, I’ll find someone else to baby. Maybe Sable will be getting into trouble by then.”

“Not her. It’ll be Dash we have to worry about.”

“That’s probably true. He has found all the secret passages in the castle and gotten caught in countless rooms he shouldn’t’ve have been in.”

“Getting caught is his problem.”

Hannon rolled his eyes. “Not the lesson he needs to learn, Finley.” He paused for a moment. “Maybe you shouldn’t give Nyfain the elixir just yet? Why don’t we wait until you get some rest and shake off your expectations? You don’t need to go into heat to fall pregnant. It just helps. It’s not the end-all and be-all. Dragons do get pregnant without it.”