H is for Hawk (Men of ALPHAbet Mountain)

Yet, there I was, asking out a man who just had a newborn baby left in his care.

I let out a sigh and flopped over onto my belly, pulling the pillow over my head. What had I gotten myself into?

17

HAWK

I had a notebook that had most of the advice Dee gave me, scribbled to the edges with things I thought might be important. It might have been a bit overkill, but I wanted to be diligent. Besides, I was always a good note-taker. My grades were always better because I was smart about taking notes, something my sister never picked up on.

It served me well going into my career, where a lot of my work was taking field notes while I was out tracking. Being able to keep a log of what I saw and when and where was exceptionally important, since I couldn’t always pull out a tablet or laptop to jot things down on. If I could scribble down notes in a notebook, note the time, and take a picture with my phone, that removed twenty pounds of equipment the old-timers used to have to lug around with them.

Several pages of my baby notebook had to do with changing diapers and swaddling. It seemed to be about half the job of taking care of a newborn, and I tried to make sure I knew everything possible about it. I wanted to consider myself an expert on changing a diaper as soon as possible, and after a near seminar from Dee, I thought I had it figured out pretty well.

It wasn’t nearly as disgusting as I had been made to believe. Sure, it was messy, and the smell was sharp and acidic, like someone was boiling buffalo sauce, but it wasn’t but so bad. Considering I spent a lot of my time tracking animals by their waste, it wasn’t as if I was completely foreign to the material.

I just never expected it to be orange. That was what probably threw me the most, and I did a fair number of holding the full diaper at arm’s length walks to the diaper disposal. A diaper disposal that was already filling up.

Dee had dropped off a few more things that I needed as well, and I felt like the wicker cabinet that held all the baby equipment was now stocked as full as it could be. Between rash cream, baby powder, flushable wipes, varied brands of diapers in a couple of sizes, and burp cloths, I felt like I might be ready for just about anything.

I did my best to follow everything Dee taught me and felt like I was getting the hang of it, even if it was stressful. It was my duty. My sister couldn’t care for her baby, so I had to. I was all she had. She depended on me. That sense of responsibility was something that I knew other people would say I was crazy for, but ever since I was young, I felt an intense belief in family. I took care of my mother as best I could while she was alive, always was there for my sister no matter the choices she made, and now I was going to be there for my niece. No matter what.

That meant I was going to have to take some time off work, at least doing the outdoorsy aspect of it. It wasn’t uncommon for me to put a backpack together with a tent in it and go camp in the woods for a couple of days at a time while I followed animals I was tracking. That wasn’t going to be an option with a newborn.

So, I emailed my bosses and explained the situation, asking for an emergency leave of absence for a bit, or in lieu of that, only doing the remote digital work. They were more than understanding and said I could have the time off I needed and that when I came back I could go remote digital for a few weeks to make sure I got settled in. They didn’t want to lose me, and they made that very clear.

I was extremely grateful for the support I received from them. I knew not all parents were as lucky. Rose had laid down for a nap, and I collapsed into my easy chair, kicking up the feet and then staring longingly at the blanket that was still on the couch. I wanted a nap myself. I had been awake for quite some time and just wanted some time to rest. Reluctantly sitting up, I reached over to grab the blanket, and my phone rang in my pocket. I pulled the blanket over me, turning the volume on the baby monitor all the way up, lay down in the dark cocoon with the blanket over my head, and swiped the phone open.