Victoriously Yours

Kenzie

Ihad no idea what the hell I was doing by asking him to touch me, but he offered up no qualms, and I was soon leaning back against him. Jonas’s strong arms were wrapped loosely around me, and I closed my eyes. I rarely got to enjoy moments like this simply because I’d become so private over the years. I’d been called everything from aloof to an ice queen since high school, and it was because no one else made me feel as alive as this man. He was my arch enemy. Or, was he more of a nemesis? Whatever he was, Jonas Courtland was the last man I needed to provide me any comfort, yet here I was.

I tried to convince myself that I was simply using the comfort he offered, even if he was the one to have caused it. It was that reason alone that should’ve had me across the room from him, but I obviously never quite seemed to learn my lesson. I hadn’t since high school, and that still rang true after CHG Seaport. I was pretty sure he’d continue to slice me open, and leave me exposed for the world to see, but I couldn’t push him away, no matter how much I knew I needed to.

My panic attack had subsided and even though this one had weakened me considerably, my heart rate and breathing were slowing down to a normal rate as he simply held me as I’d asked. Jonas was being the perfect gentleman. He wasn’t trying to cop a feel, which would be easy enough to do since I was shirtless other than my bra. He’d probably removed enough of them over the years and could have mine on the floor beside us in seconds if he truly wanted to.

“I always seem to find myself in some sort of alternate universe when around you,” I truthfully admitted.

“How so?” he asked.

“My head... my heart... every part of me knows I should keep my distance from you, yet here I am in your arms again.”

“Sounds like fate,” he suggested, and I shook my head against his chest.

“It’s more like temporary lapses in sanity. I...” Pausing, I didn’t know how to even explain what I was thinking, so I chose to be quiet instead.

Moments later, he nudged enough of my hair aside with his nose that I could now feel his warm breath on my ear. My skin had chilled during my panic attack, but his warmth and a newfound sense of calm heated me up a bit.

“Everything about us wasn’t bad.”

I wanted to disagree, but there’d been times when I thought he was the one placed into my life. My father would go on about soulmates, and stupidly, I had believed Jonas was mine. Why else would the star football player and one of the most popular guys in school finally notice me. I’d gone from being the weird, preacher’s daughter that no one gave a second glance, to a girl being invited to parties and paraded around as if he was truly proud to be with me.

I knew now it’d been all an act... a part of the game where he pretended no one else existed but me, when it’d been the farthest thing from reality. Knowing all the special moments we’d shared had been a lie was the worst thing to move past. My trust had been irrevocably broken, and it remained so to this day, which was another reason I didn’t understand my foolish and pathetic reaction to him time and time again.

“I suppose you’re right,” I finally answered. “It’s been so long since those days that I barely remember them.” A small lie never hurt anyone. They’d been ingrained so deep into my memory I’d never be able to forget them, even if I tried, which I have.

Jonas wrapped his arms tighter around me. “I remember all of them as if it was yesterday.”

Of course, he did. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t think back on those days and pat himself on the back for making me fall so quickly and completely. I’d been a pawn in some sick high school game, and the only thing that brought any solace was knowing I wasn’t the first, or the only, to have succumbed to him. I just hoped for other’s sake that I had been the last.

“What do you remember?” I finally asked him as I cocked my head to the side to look up at him.

“Well,” he answered while still smiling, “I remember the weather.”

“The w-weather,” I sputtered. Maybe I’d been more forgettable than I thought.

“Yes,” he replied right away, then raised his head. “I hate cold weather, and the first thing I noticed when the two of us got together was that the days were unusually warm. I mean, we usually got a few cold days between January and February, but not that year. There were a few rainy ones, but for the most part, they were all warm and sunny. I had eventually attributed them to you.”

“I’m not following.” He was talking in riddles, it seemed, and I was too irritated with current circumstances to want to play a game of twenty questions to find out his intent.

“You are my sunshine, or at least I used to like thinking of you as such. You would brighten up whatever room you walked into, and it was the same thing you did to my life. I hadn’t realized exactly how dark things were, especially after coming back from my uncle’s cabin in New York.”

I wasn’t really sure what to say, especially because he sounded so sincere. Wanting to change the subject, I focused on the last part. “Is that why you moved to New York City and became a Titan?”

“Titan,” he repeated with a chuckle. “It’s not something you join or become. It is something you are. I was born in that world, and if we hadn’t moved to Texas for my father’s work, I would’ve likely been raised in the city, too.”

He didn’t seem too lackadaisical about being a Titan, so I wondered what had caused the sadness I heard in his voice the moment he mentioned his uncle. “Did you not like to visit your family there?”

He grew quiet and I did too as I waited for him to respond. I was about to ask something else when it became obvious it wasn’t a question he wanted to answer, but he started speaking anyway. “I used to love going there until I got older. I’m not even sure when it all happened, but my step aunt… she began doing things I used to push aside in my head. I—”

“What sort of things?” I asked, not even sure I wanted to hear the response.

“She would touch me in ways that she shouldn’t. I used to wonder why Logan refused to go after a while, and now I think she must’ve been doing the same things to him.”

“Oh my God, that’s awful.” I pulled out of his arms and turned so I could face him. His eyes met mine before he dropped his head. “Did you ever tell anyone?”

He shook his head. “Logan found reasons to stay in Texas while I avoided the truth by pretending as if it never happened. In fact, it was only recently that I recovered those memories. It explains a lot, though.”