Victoriously Yours

Tori smiled cheekily, then disappeared back down the hallway. I then decided to not mince words or waste any precious time. As I opened my mouth to speak, Madeleine placed her hand on my arm. “You’re really starting to scare me, Kenzie. Have you taken your—”

I knew she was going to ask about my medication, but this had nothing to do with that, so I just blurted it out. “Her father knows about her and he wants to take her away.”

“What?” Her head fell back so quickly it was as if she had been struck. “What are you saying?”

I took a few deep breaths, then tried to keep my voice steady despite the flood of tears threatening to spill forth. “J-Jonas was here, and he saw Tori. He knows she is his, and he threatened to take her away from you.”

There, it was finally out. The myriad of emotions on my sister’s face was nearly enough to do me in. They went from compassion to shock and now her eyes shone with the same fear inflicting me right now. She opened her mouth once or twice but quickly shut it each time without saying anything. Her lips quivered, and I could feel the shaking of her hand as it still lay on my arm. She finally ripped it away.

“How could you do this to me?” she asked, then added, “after everything I’ve done for you.”

“I’m s-sorry,” I stammered, but she shook her head. Her eyes closed as she did, and when they reopened, they looked a lot like my father’s had that day in the hospital.

“I’m going to tell Jim we need to go see Mom and Dad, and during that time, I want you out.”

“I’m so sorry,” I told her, but it fell on deaf ears as she hurried out of the kitchen, leaving me all alone.

I had no idea what I was going to do. Maybe I could reason with Jonas. If I could make him see this was for the best, he would let Tori stay and all would be good again. Well, at least for my sister. There was more than simply Tori tearing my heart to shreds. He’d told me the night before that he loved me, and I believed him. I still did. I also knew he would never forgive me for what I have done, and I couldn’t honestly blame him.

I forced myself to get up as well and as I walked down the hallway, I stopped near Tori’s bedroom door and listened for a few seconds as my sister tried explaining to her that they were going to see Grammy and Grampa. They doted on her, and always had. They never blamed or punished her for the mother who sired her, and for that, I was grateful. Tori didn’t ask to be brought into this world, and she didn’t deserve to lose the only home she’d ever known because of my continued mistakes, either.

I kept going down the hallway to the room where I’d been staying. I needed to leave. Madeleine would never forgive me for this. She already wanted me out, and while I had no idea where I was going to go, I knew I had to stay in Phoenix. Everything I had been working so hard for the last couple of years was here, and I only wished that Reece was as well. I needed one of her pep talks more than anything else right now. I couldn’t keep expecting others to help me out of these jams I kept finding myself in. I needed to stand up for myself, and those I loved despite wounded pride. But how?

I heard the front door open and close and knew my sister and Tori were gone. Madeleine was likely on the phone with Jim, and he would be as understandably worried as she was. I could leave, but the problem would persist. The only way out was to appeal to Jonas, although I had no idea how I would do that. Finally, I pulled my cellphone out of my shirt pocket. I dialed his number and waited through each ring until it went to voicemail.

I hung up without leaving one. I decided to try again in a few minutes and bided my time by retrieving two suitcases from the closet and laying them atop my bed. I walked to my closet and grabbed everything, hangers and all, and tried stuffing them into the largest one. Every second that ticked away was one closer to the end. I would rather die than allow my daughter to experience even a second of pain because of something I did. My tears continued to roll freely down my cheek, and I was becoming more distraught.

I picked back up my phone and as had happened a few minutes before, the call went to voice mail after ringing several times. I had to get through to him, so I kept on hitting redial. Eventually, it went straight to voicemail and I finally formulated my thoughts enough to speak. At the beep, I just started to talk.

“J-Jonas, please answer me. I need to tell you how sorry I am about everything and to explain why I did it. There are things you don’t understand about me. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought my entire life was over. You’d used and humiliated me, and I felt so alone. Nothing with us had been real, so there was no reason for me to believe a child would’ve changed anything. I’d lost the love and respect of my family, and I—”

The voicemail cut off and I quickly redialed him again, hoping he’d answer, but he did not. It went back to voicemail, so I continued. “I lost everything, including my sanity. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and bipolar depression. I know that telling you this only gives you more ammunition to use against me, but I am telling you this because I know deep down that you love me. You told me so last night, and if you’re as sincere as I believed you to be, then you can’t rip Tori away from the only home she’s ever known. I’m begging you to let her stay with my sister. Maybe, something can be worked out where you can get updates on her. If so, you can see what I already know which is that she belongs here with them and not with either of us. I—”

Again, my message cut off. He was not calling me back or giving me any indication that he was even considering what I said. The truth was that he was likely on the phone with his attorneys, and they were already searching Texas laws for any loopholes that would allow him to take her away from Madeleine and Jim. If that happened, I would’ve destroyed my sister and lost the only family member I had left.

I called him back again and as with the last two times, it didn’t even ring before going straight to voicemail. “Please call me, Jonas. I need to talk to you.” This time, I ended the call and decided to pack more as I waited.

I finally got everything from the closet stuffed into the first suitcase, then began emptying the contents of my drawers into the second one. I had managed to get most of it and when I glanced over at my phone, I didn’t see any missed calls. The despair was full-fledged panic at this point. I had no idea if he was at his hotel, or already en route to Houston where he would be able to find out whether he had a leg to stand on when it came to filing for custody.

My hands were shaky and when I picked up the silken scarf that had slipped from my hand earlier, I pulled it taut. There was nothing I could do to stop what I had put into motion. In fact, the best thing I could do was go somewhere where I couldn’t hurt anyone else. I remembered my mother in tears as my father told her to take one last look at me before she would never see me again. I had cried and reached out for her, but she still walked away. None of my other siblings would speak to me at my father’s insistence, and now the only one who would, just demanded for me get out of her house. I needed to get out of her life, too.

I looked down at the scarf, then over at the large hook on the ceiling where a hanging plant once hung. It would be so easy to just end everything. I would be in no more pain, and I wouldn’t find myself alone in this world once again. The Desert Pointe Grille was my baby, but others could run it, and likely even better than me. I wasn’t needed by anyone. That realization created a sharp pain in my chest. I picked up my phone and dialed a different number this time, but like with Jonas, it went to voicemail, too.

“Hi, Reece. I’m calling to hear your voice. So much has happened and I wish I had the time to tell you all about it, but I don’t. I must leave, but before I do, I want you to know your friendship has been the best thing to have ever happened to me. I love you. Despite what might come out about me later, please never question that. Goodbye.”

I hung up, then looked at the scarf before glancing back at my phone. I redialed Jonas, and after hearing his voice on the greeting for what would be the last time, I kept this one short and simple. “I’m so sorry for everything. I love you, and I always have. Goodbye!”

I then dropped the phone at the realization no one else would even care about my death. I stood up and placed the scarf on the bed, then moved the desk chair underneath the hook. Once I had it situated where I wanted it, I picked up the silk and tied it to the metal hook. While fearful, I was also at peace with what I needed to do. There was only one more person I’d love to say something final to, but I was already about to hurt Tori, and I didn’t want her to spend the rest of her life feeling guilty as if she had anything to do with my weaknesses.

I stood on the chair and because I was tall, I was easily able to place my head in the small noose. As the silk dug into my neck, the tears kept flowing. It was pure irony that the first two encounters with Jonas had ended so badly I considered taking my own life. I guessed the third time was truly the charm because I was no longer thinking about it, but about to actually go through with it. To succeed, I needed to not question anything. I took what was to be my final breath, then kicked the chair out from beneath me.