Daisy's Decision (Icehome)

“I know how things work. Trust me.” Her tone is wry. “And we might never resonate. But…the healer could fix that for us.”

I forget all about tea.

I stare at her, shocked. “You…want to force a mating?”

For the first time since I woke up, the intense light in D’see’s eyes eases, replaced by a hint of uncertainty. “It’s not really forcing things. Veronica said she can help things along. She can make the khui do what she wants it to do. And remember when Gren and Willa were having so much trouble conceiving? She helped them with that, too.”

“That was different.” My tongue feels thick as I reply. Does D’see know what she asks of me? She is offering me everything I have ever dreamed of…and yet something about this feels off. She does not want me, she wants a kit. I am simply the easiest way for her to get one. “The healer has said she will do this for you?”

“Well, no. I just thought of it. I figured if we were united and went to her to ask her to help us, how could she refuse?” D’see bites her lip and gives me an excited look. “We can both get what we want!”

“And what is it you think I want?” My voice is flat.

She seems surprised at my question. “Why, me.”

From anyone else, the statement would be complete and utter arrogance. But D’see knows me well. She knows we are friends. And perhaps she has caught me staring at her a little too long, or I have doted upon her too much to hide my feelings. I do want D’see. I do…just not like this.

Not like I am her last choice. I am always last choice, and it makes my skin prickle with distaste. It is one reason I have always wished for resonance. For the first time in my life, I will be first to another. I will be the one chosen. Forcing resonance because D’see is tired of waiting takes that longed-for moment away from me. In exchange, I will get the female I have always wanted, but I will be aware that she only has taken me to her side because she is out of options.

That realization leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I am reminded of my mother, and the disappointment and sadness in her eyes when she gazed upon me. “What makes you so certain that I want you?”

D’see gasps, flinching backward with hurt. “Oh.”

Immediately, I regret my words. “D’see…”

She sniffs, and her eyes fill with tears. “No, it’s fine. You’re just telling the truth. I am rather ugly now—”

I reach over and grab her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes. “You misunderstand me, D’see. It has nothing to do with your scars. It has to do with how much you ask of me. It is a lot to think about, and a decision I will not make in the middle of the night. Understand?”

D’see closes her eyes, nodding. “It’s fine.” Her voice is dull and lifeless again. “You hate the idea. It was…I just thought it would be great for both of us. I guess I’m wrong.”

I squeeze her chin, giving her head a little shake. “Look at me.”

She opens her eyes again, her expression full of emotion. D’see is so beautiful it takes my breath away, but I cannot let that sway me, just like the warmth of her body in the furs tonight makes me think of everything I have been longing for. I must make the right decision. I must not follow my cock’s lead in this. I must listen with my heart. “You are the most beautiful of females and you know if we resonated I would be beside myself with joy. But you are asking to change everything between us, and I must think things over. It is not a no, but it is also not a yes, understand?”

“All right.” D’see gives me a fragile smile. “I just thought it’d be nice to take control of our own fates for once, you know?”

Is that what we would be doing with this plan of hers? I wonder.

I wake up early the next morning and stoke the fire again, putting tea on over the tripod. We went back to sleep after D’see’s strange proposal, but I did not allow myself to touch her under the furs. We were together, but apart. This morning she hugs a pillow as she sleeps, looking incredibly vulnerable and young. Her mouth is parted, her soft hair spilling around her face, and my fingers twitch with the need to touch her.

I do not, though. She needs her sleep. Lately she has been so tired and sad…

And now she wishes for me to give up resonance and make a kit with her. I am torn. It is everything I wanted, just not in the way I wanted it. Yet I have a hard time refusing D’see anything. Even now, I want to awaken her and pull her into my arms. I want to tell her that I will give her what she wants, just so her arms will go around me and she will mouth-mate me like the others do. I want her to see me as O’jek, her mate, not O’jek the friend and the one that takes care of her.