Side Squeeze (Jasper Falls 6)

He caught her arm and pulled her away from the door, prying the key out of her grip, shoving it into his pocket. “Why won’t you listen to me?”

“Because it’s not true!” She tugged her hand out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you!” Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to retrieve the key from his pocket. “Harrison, don’t do this to me. I can’t handle any more.”

He trapped her hands against his chest and hugged her close so she couldn’t move. “Listen to me, Mariella. I love you.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to see me with someone else.”

“That’s not why I’m saying it. Yes, I hate the thought of anyone else dating you or touching you, but this is deeper than that. This is about us.”

He caught her face and forced her to look at him, but she shut her eyes.

“I’ve tried to leave, but I can’t. This time’s different. Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe it has to do with my dad passing. I don’t know. But I’ve made it halfway back to the city three separate times, and I can’t get there without feeling like I’m leaving something behind.” He pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, “It’s you, Mariella. My heart’s stuck here because you’re here. I’m in love with you. I’ve always loved you, but it’s gotten too big. It’s more than wanting you. I need you.”

Eyes pressed tight, she shook her head. “No, Harrison. When you love someone, you don’t leave. Not once. You tough it out, every time, and figure out a way to make it work.”

“Mariella, listen to me.” He kissed her eyes, wishing he could rewrite history. “That wasn’t our time. Everything that happened, needed to happen so that I could become a better man for you. You deserved more than anything I could have offered, and I knew that the moment you walked into the bedroom at Jenn Moore’s party.”

She shook her head, rejecting his words, but he persisted.

“You’ve always been too good for me. God only knows why you liked me, because I could never figure it out. But I did love you, Mariella. Even back then. I loved you so much, it killed me to leave you. But I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to be happy and with someone who could give you everything you deserved, but I wasn’t strong enough to stick around and watch it happen. My home life was a nightmare, and I needed to save myself. I thought I was also saving you from me.” He kissed her cheeks. “Don’t you see? You were the only person who made me happy, but I loved you so much I knew I needed to let you go.”

She wiped her eyes, the old cracks of her heart breaking under the strain of too many painful memories. “I could have gone with you. I would have—”

“No. I needed to figure out how to survive on my own. It wasn’t always easy, and there were a lot of times when I thought of giving up.”

“Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything’s changed. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I finally know what I want. I finally have the courage to go after it. Mariella. I want you more than anything else in this world. I need to know we have a future together and you haven’t thrown me away.”

“What about New York? Your job? Your apartment?”

“We can figure that out as we go. I only need to make it to New York on occasion. I can work from anywhere.”

“But you hate it here. You’ll get bored and eventually resent me.”

He laughed. “Never with you.”

“You did before.”

“No, Mariella, I got scared. My entire life was framed around my dad’s endless disappointment. I had this twisted desperation inside of me that needed to earn his praise. But I never could. No matter how hard I tried, I never got a good job, son, or an atta boy. All I got were daily reminders of what a screw up I was and his promise that I’d never amount to anything. I needed to get away from him so that I could think for myself and escape his endless criticism.”

“You could have told me.” She’d had an idea, but to hear him actually express it in words made her wonder why he waited so long.

“I never wanted you to know how awful it was. I never wanted you to look at me with pity. That would have destroyed me.”

If he only knew how much she worshipped the ground he walked on. “Still, you could have talked to me. I could have listened and maybe helped you.”

“You did help me. You have no idea how many nights the thought of your smile alone kept me alive. When I was with you, he didn’t exist. You made me feel like a king. I could be someone else with you, someone I liked being. I needed to get far enough away from my dad to figure out how to be that man all the time.”