Flawless Ruin

JULIET

As the daysof the week drag on, I realize I’ve made a horrible mistake.

David’s a really nice guy. He doesn’t deserve to have to spend time with someone who is not going to give him her full attention.

That’s me.

I already know I can’t, because instead of forgetting about Caleb—which I really hoped I’d be able to do—he’s all I think of now. Obsessively. Night and day. I have wild sex dreams when I sleep, and then I wake up on Mara’s couch, desperate and alone.

Damn him.

The good news is, I’ve gotten my resume polished, and even sent it out to several places. The bad news is, I’ve gotten no bites. Turns out, my scattered background of assorted admin jobs isn’t in high demand.

So to get away from Caleb, I find myself spending most of my time in the office in the design dungeon. It’s not really a dungeon, but it has no windows so it’s dark and a little foreboding. But it’s my safe haven—far away from Caleb and his withering stare.

I sit at Mara’s station, watching her finish the sketches for the future season’s line. She’s such a talent, all I can do is gape.

She lifts it up. “What do you think?”

I nod, breathless. “It’s—”

“Actually, scratch that. As much as I love your opinion, it doesn’t matter. What do you think Caleb will think?”

I hate to admit it, but she’s right. It’s all about him. He’s a hard-ass, but his taste is spot-on. If he hates it, and he usually does, there’s a good reason. He only accepts the best from his people, doesn’t give second chances… Blah blah blah.

I tilt my head, trying to see it through Caleb’s eyes. “Maybe downplay the jewel in the center somehow. Smaller, I think.”

She studies it. “You’re totally right.”

As she hovers over it on the light board, making the correction, I say, “That’s it. I’m definitely going to cancel.”

Mara looks up, exhausted. And she should be. She’s been dealing with my should-I-or-shouldn’t-I-cancel-on-David ordeal for the past three days. “You’re just having pre-date jitters.”

“No. I think it’s more than that.”

“But I thought you said you weren’t going to cancel?”

I had. But now the pendulum’s swinging the other way, and… “My heart just isn’t in it.”

“Darling. We discussed this.” She taps my thigh. “Remember? You said it would take your mind off certain other men. It would be good to get out there. See what else was around. Plus, David’s a real sweetheart.”

“Right. He is. But it feels evil. Like I’m playing him. It’s not fair to him.”

She flicks some eraser bits away from the paper. “You should move on. Give him a chance. You might discover you guys are perfect for one another.”

Doubtful.

I’m about to tell her that when she adds, “And Caleb’s been partying it up all over New York this week. Every night, a new hot woman.”

That doesn’t surprise me, after Jacqueline, but still it’s like a knife to my chest. “I know, but—”

“But you somehow feel you deserve it, for something terrible you did to him?” she prods.

I nod. Guilty as charged. When she says that, the shame washes over me anew. I jump off her workstation and wipe my hands together. “That’s it. I’m cancelling. Right now. I can’t—”

I stop short when I turn and see Caleb, standing over in the doorway of the art department.

I stiffen from head to toe. He strolls in like he owns the place, since he does.