Flawless Ruin

JULIET

Caleb doesn’t move.He stays frozen to the spot.

“We’ll… Uh, we’ll go.” Jonathan speaks up, and I remember there’s a room full of people. People all staring at me like I’m crazy.

And maybe I am. I just know, I can’t go on like this. Taking one step forward and two steps back. Loving Caleb, and fighting with him, and all the while wondering, deep down, if we can ever move past what I did before I even knew who he was.

“No. Stay,” Caleb says to them, his voice low and controlled. Then he looks at me. “Juliet. I can’t do this right now. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

Every eye in the place turns to me.

I gulp. I hate having my feelings broadcast for everyone to see, but this won’t wait.

It can’t.

Because I know that if I take the night to sleep on it, my resolve will crumble. Caleb will slip into bed with me after his meeting is over and tempt me back to him with his passionate kisses, and thrilling commands. He’ll whisper sweet nothings the way he did in Italy, clouding my judgement and making me pant for more.

My body will always want him more than anything. But my heart?

It can’t do this anymore.

“No.” I say it softly. “I’m not waiting until the morning. We talk about this, now.”

Caleb stares at me for a long moment.

“Gentlemen,” he says, without breaking the stare. “We’ll pick this up tomorrow morning. Leave us.”

They don’t need to be told twice. Silently, they turn and head away, while he continues to meet my unflinching gaze. It’s only when the door closes that he leans back and crosses his arms.

“Well?” he asks quietly. “You wanted my undivided attention, and now you have it.”

“Only after practically begging,” I shoot back.

“What do you expect?” he exclaims. “Christ, Juliet, I’m in the eye of a storm here, trying to keep everything together! The last thing I need is you…”

“What?” I demand. “Me trying to have an honest conversation about our relationship?”

He doesn’t reply.

I take a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. I want so desperately for him to tell me that I’m wrong. That he doesn’t still hold a grudge for what happened with Olivia. That it’s all in the past. But every moment that he paces on the other side of the room, my stomach ties tighter in knots.

“Italy was amazing,” I start softly. “Spending that time with you away from all of this. I thought I saw the real Caleb Sterling. And I—I loved him. I loved us. But it’s not real, is it?” I ask, hollow and aching with regret. “The minute we arrived back in New York, you turned into a different person again. You’re holding me at arm’s length, keeping me shut out of your thoughts. It’s because of how we met, isn’t it? Because I was working undercover for Olivia.”

“Can you blame me?” Caleb asks, his voice edged with resentment. And my heart sinks even further.

I was right.

“I told you a thousand times, I’m sorry.” I tell him, choking up with emotion. “I was desperate. For my mother’s sake. And from everything Olivia told me, you were the villain here. If I knew then what I know now, I never would have taken her assignment!”

“But you did.” Caleb glances away. “And now I have to lay awake in bed beside you, wondering how much of our relationship is a lie. How far you went to seduce me, and if you would ever lie like that again.” He grips the glass in his hand, eyes dark and conflicted. “You think I want to live like this? Dammit, Juliet, you drive me crazy! All I wanted was to be done with you, but I just can’t stay away! I tell myself we can’t be together, but all you have to do is look at me like that… Touch me like you do…”

He reaches for me, tormented, but I pull away.

“So you’re just going to keep punishing me, is that it?” I ask, blinking back tears. “Fucking me like I matter, then pushing me away before you let your guard down?”

“I don’t know!” Caleb roars. “What the hell else do you want from me?!”

“I want you to forgive me!” I cry back at him. “I’m not the only one who’s made mistakes here. You’ve kept secrets, too,” I remind him. “You faked accounts, moved money around. You may be doing it for good reason, but Olivia has good reason to be suspicious of you, too.”