CHAPTER NINETEEN

THE DAY WASwarm and bright, and I decided that there was no way I could spend it inside. I poured myself some water, grabbed a book, and headed out the back door.

Now that the weather was consistently warm, I wanted to spend all my time outside. The chirping of birds and low buzzing of distant lawn mowers provided a lulling backdrop of sound as I opened my book and began to read. But as much as I wanted to read and relax, my mind kept drifting to the upcoming weeks.

I still thought that I would get excited as the time to leave got closer. I would be building an entirely new life for myself, after all. But as the day drew nearer, less than two weeks away now, nothing had changed. I was still anxious, still uneasy, still reluctant to leave Alex and Damien. I had planned on doing this for months, yet it didn’t feel right.

But I had to go. I had to do this for myself . . . Right?

The door behind me opened and closed with a soft swish, and Damien pulled up another lounge chair next to me. “You look like you need a kiss,” he joked as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. He was wearing basketball shorts, a t-shirt, and sneakers, and his long hair was tied back in a messy ponytail.

I chuckled. “I do.”

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “What’s going on?

“I’m just thinking.”

“About?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. I’m starting to question my decision to go to California, I guess.”

He was silent for a moment, his face unreadable. “Why?”

“I—I’m not sure, really. The more I think about it, the more I question myself about why I wanted to go in the first place. I had thought there was nothing left for me here, and I wanted to get away from everything I had known to start a new life. But now I’m beginning to realize that I’m starting the life I want, right here. Maybe I wasn’t running from this place, but from myself. I can’t escape my past or who I am, but I can work on living my life the way I want to from this point forward.” I took a deep breath. Everything that had been weighing on me in the past couple of months was finally out in the open, and it felt liberating. I had been arguing with myself in my head for so long, that speaking my thoughts made it feel real. Like it wasn’t just a silly idea floating around in my head, but a conceivable possibility.

“Does that mean you might stay?” It was clear that he was trying to talk me through this while remaining unbiased, and I adored him for it.

“I . . . I think I might.” Saying those four words felt as if, in one breath, I had let out all of the anxiety and fear I had been holding onto. I had known deep down that I would be happy here with them, but I hadn’t let myself admit it until now. And the more I thought about it, the more it felt right. Like this was where my life should be, like I didn’t have to run from who I was and reinvent myself in a new place. Life had tried to break me so many times, but running from this place wouldn’t change who I was.

“Would you . . . stay here? With us?”

I looked up at him and bit my lip to hold back my smile at the look of innocent excitement on his face. “If that’s okay with you . . .” I had known in my heart for quite some time that this was the right decision, but I had fought it for so long. After thinking long and hard, though, I knew that leaving without facing my issues wouldn’t help. Damien was right when he had said that changing my location wouldn’t change my problems.

“Obviously it’s okay with me!” He practically shouted, jumping from his chair and scooping me up from mine. I held on to his neck for dear life and giggled as he spun me around a few times, holding me tight to his chest. My heart swelled at the pure joy on his face. And it was all for me. I just hoped Alex would be okay with it. We had been on great terms after he had visited me and brought me back, but he also anticipated only having me here for a couple of months, maximum. Now that I didn’t need to spend money moving, I could get my own apartment. But I had to admit, seeing the two of them was the highlight of my day, every day. I didn’t want to give that up quite yet.

“Will Alex be okay with it?” I asked after Damien set me down again.

“Yes. We’ve already talked about it.”

“Wait, you talked about me staying here already?”

“Yep.” Damien grinned. “When you walked in from school and asked what we were talking about last week, well, that was it. We could tell you were getting hesitant about moving, even though you tried to hide it.”

“Damn, I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it,” I laughed. I felt almost giddy with excitement now that I had come clean, and it had turned out even better than I could have anticipated.

“I’ll be here for you through everything, Serena,” Damien said softly. “I love you, and that won’t change. Whatever you need from me, it’s yours.” He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I love you too, Damien,” I said. “Thank you for everything.”

“He loves you too, you know. I’ve never seen him care for someone this much. He may not say it, but just know he feels it.”

I nodded. “I know.” I had heard him say it that night when he thought I was asleep, but I had kept it to myself. He would say it aloud to me when the time was right. But the fact that I had made so much of an impact on him, according to Damien, made me feel . . . hopeful.

Eventually, Damien went back inside to break the good news to Alex, and I laid back in my chair to soak in more of the sun, which was finally becoming consistently warm now that spring was slowly fading into summer.

My eyes began to droop as I tried again to read my book, the heavy warmth of the sun like a blanket across me lulling me to sleep. There would be more to worry about in the upcoming months, like finding a new job, but at least for right now, everything was alright.

For the first time in a long time, I was not simply going through the motions, but I was alive, taking risks instead of taking the path of least resistance. Entrusting my heart to not even one, but two people instead of isolating myself. It was terrifying, but it was freeing. And as I basked in the warm afternoon light, I knew that it would only get better from here.

Tags: Lyla Andrews Erotic
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