Darkest Hour Before Dawn (THIRDS 9)

"Really? You, me, the Hobbs family, we're the only ones who know how much pain Seb endures every day just walking, because if he didn't push through it, he'd have a permanent limp. He goes to physical therapy every week, and the only reason he doesn't take the needed level of pain pills is because he wants to stay in the field and not have it affect his job. So he suffers through it."

Hudson's jaw clenched, but he remained silent.

"When he'd come to your office, almost on a daily basis, I teased you that you two couldn't keep your hands off each other, but I'm not stupid, Hudson. You think I didn't see his eyes when he left here? I pretended not to know the real reason he was in here was because with you he felt safe enough to cry his fucking eyes out because his body hurt so goddamned much."

"That's enough," Hudson said quietly, the back of his eyes stinging. He didn't need a reminder of the pain the man he loved suffered, or of how much Hudson wished he could take that pain from him.

Nina leaned forward, gripping his desk's edge tightly. "What you feel right now is what I feel every time I see Rafe wince. It kills me that I can't do more. All I can do is be there and show him how much I love him. I didn't tell you because, as much as I adore you, Hudson, you can be spoiled and selfish sometimes."

Hudson stared at her. "I beg your pardon?"

"You reacted like I thought you would. It's all about you and how you feel. Rafe is going to end up like Thomas, and you're upset I chose to protect him. He didn't want to bring his family any more heartache. He didn't want his brothers treating him different or patching things up just because they pitied him. I did what you would have done for Seb."

"I--"

Nina put up her hand to stop him and stood. "Don't. Don't treat me like an idiot."

"I would never," he protested angrily, standing.

"Then don't act like you've always told me everything. I'm not saying I needed to know everything, because I didn't. What went on between you and Seb was none of my business. As long as you were happy, I was happy. But you always did things your way, no matter what anyone said. You listened, but you still went ahead and did whatever the hell you wanted. Always."

"That's bollocks. How can you say that?"

"Really? Can you name one time you argued with Seb where you didn't get your way?"

Hudson frowned deeply. "There were plenty of times."

"Like?"

"I can't remember every disagreement we had. If he thought I was so bloody wrong, why did he give in?"

"Because he's crazy about you! The man was so damn head over heels in love with you that he'd give in, even if he didn't agree, just to make you happy. That's not a sustainable relationship, Hudson, and I think deep down you know that." Her gaze was unwavering as she leaned her hands on the desk. "That's the real reason you won't give him another chance, because if you fuck it up this time, that's it. There's no going back."

Hudson's temper flared, and he slammed his hands on the desk. "That's enough! I don't know where you've gotten that ridiculous notion, but it couldn't be any further from the truth, and I am done explaining myself to you. I hope you and Rafe are bloody happy together, because you deserve each other."

Nina flinched. She straightened to her full height. "I know you meant that as an insult, but it's not to me. He's a good man, who deserves to be loved. He treats me as his equal. We're a partnership. He's not a self-righteous asshole."

Her words stung, and he opened his mouth for a rebuttal but instead only a choked sound escaped. His vision blurred, and he dropped down in his chair, turning away from her in the hopes of gaining some control over his emotions. He was so damn tired. This wasn't like him at all. Last night at Dekatria, Seb's words, hearing from Julia again, Alfie's death replaying itself in his nightmares over and over.... He'd barely slept. It was all catching up to him. A soft touch to his cheek startled him, and he was taken aback to find Nina kneeling beside his chair, her beautiful face void of anger or disdain. She cupped his face, wiping a tear from his cheek with her thumb.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You're right. Everything you said...." For years he'd been telling Seb what they'd had was broken, unfixable, and somewhere inside him he feared that had been the case, even before the incident that tore them apart. They loved each other fiercely, of that he had no doubt, bu

t Nina was right. Hudson had always pushed, and Seb gave in. What a fool he was, believing he'd changed. That coming to the States would give him a new life, a different one, but he hadn't changed at all. He and Seb had been happy, but how long would it have lasted with Hudson's incessant need to push, to be right, to be so bloody perfect? And Seb gave in every time. Was that really what he wanted from Seb?

Tears clung to the thick black lashes of Nina's hooded, almond-shaped eyes. How could Rafe's heart not melt? She was beautiful inside and out, kind, and selfless, unlike Hudson. Nina never hesitated in putting someone else's needs before her own. She wanted to take care of everyone. She deserved to be happy, and if she'd found that with Rafe, Hudson should be excited for her. Who the hell was he to judge? In fact he should be the last person to judge anyone's relationship. God, when had he become such a mess?

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. I missed you." Hudson sniffed, and his heart swelled when she threw her arms around his neck, squeezing the breath out of him. How could he have been so petty? So pigheaded? It hit him how terribly he'd missed her, missed them, their friendship. He'd been walking around with a Nina-shaped hole in his heart, wallowing in his own self-imposed misery, and he hadn't even realized what an arse he was being.

"I love you," Nina said between sniffs before kissing his cheek.

"I love you too." He wiped at his face and smiled up at her when she stood. "Do you forgive me for being such a pillock?"

She chuckled and nodded, leaning against his desk, her delicate, long fingers gripping his hand firmly. "You know I do." She worried her bottom lip, and he gave her hand a gentle tug.

"You can tell me."

"How long are you two going to keep dancing around each other?"

It was a perfectly valid question. One Hudson didn't know the answer to. Actually, he did. "I'm afraid to let him go, Nina, but I'm even more afraid of... of having him. You're right. We were broken, and not just because of what happened. Even if we somehow moved past the guilt of that day, we can't go back to how things were. We'd never last, and knowing it's over for good would kill me. At least now I have hope. What will I have if things don't work out? If neither of us has changed? I haven't changed. You've said so yourself." His heart ached, and the mark on the back of his shoulder blade burned. He'd spent so long refusing to think about what had been and what could never be that the very real possibility of not having Seb in his life terrified him. His inner wolf stirred, whining softly.