Gummy Bears & Grenades (THIRDS 9.50)

"It sounds like he's shouting something, Barb."

"You're right, Scott. He appears to be apologizing to someone. Repeatedly."

"A significant other, perhaps?"

"It may be, Scott. I think someone might be sleeping on the couch tonight."

Sloane shook his head. "Where...? How...?"

"Really?"

"You're right. I should know better," Sloane said with a sigh. He turned to Tony and gave him a pointed look.

"Why are you looking at me? You're the one marrying him."

"He's your son."

"He's an adult."

Sloane thrust his hand at the TV.

"Okay, maybe adult is too strong a word here. What I meant to say is he's your fiance. Deal with it. Don't act like this is the first time he's done something weird." Tony turned his attention back to the screen. "You know, I suddenly feel marginally better about the whole TIN thing."

"Oh?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah, because whoever your new boss is, they're going to have to deal with a lot worse than this all day, every day." He motioned to the TV and the close-up of Dex's reddened face as he promised Sloane on national television that it wasn't what it looked like.

What it looked like was a crazy person in a bear costume hanging upside down. A crazy person who was in a world of trouble.

Sloane let out another heavy sigh. "Do you think he's drunk?" One could only hope. At least then it would make more sense, but he knew what Tony's answer would be.

"Nope. He's stone-cold sober." Tony stood and patted Sloane's shoulder. "Good luck with that." Tony left him, and Sloane pulled out his cell phone and put in a call to Hudson. The phone was answered, but no one said anything. There was some shuffling before Hudson's breathless voice came on the line.

"Seb pushed the head at me, and I didn't know what to do with it! It was so big. Where was I supposed to put it? I wanted to go after Dex, but the bloody head was weighing me down."

"Please stop talking." Sloane groaned. His friend was plastered. "I really don't want to hear about your sex life."

"What?" Silence, then peals of laughter. "Oh! You thought I meant--" More laughter, then a very indelicate snort. It stopped suddenly. "Sloane, I think I might--"

Sloane closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as Hudson retched. Clearly he should have called Seb, but he figured wherever Hudson was, Dex couldn't be far. They were like a couple of peas in a pod these days. A couple of peas who couldn't seem to keep themselves out of trouble. "You okay there, Doc?"

A groan, then a sigh. "Yes. Thank you. I was talking about the bear head earlier, not... what you thought."

"I'm relieved to hear that," Sloane grunted. "Where is your husband?"

"He went after the drug dealers."

Sloane sat up. "What drug dealers?"

"Well, you see, Dex wanted to try on the bear, and despite my telling him it would be an awful idea, he commandeered the bear and then found the tummy was filled with drugs. These men showed up asking for the drugs, and when they realized they were in trouble, they legged it. Dex ran after one, because they all spread out, you see, and Seb gave me the bear head so he could give chase. I told Ash like I was supposed to, and everyone split up and left me here with the stupid bloody bear head, and I think I'm going to be sick again, excuse me."

More retching sounds. Wonderful.

Hudson returned. "I may have had a wee too much to drink."

"You don't say. So Dex took some guy's bear costume, tried it on, found drugs, and then ran after one of the guys who came to buy them. Am I following that right?"

"Yes."