Bare Yourself (Consumed)

Pain stabs my chest. My mom died a little over a month ago from a heart attack, a week before Minnie had Luna. I had no one at home. Minnie was here and incapable of traveling and Bryan—well, Bryan never showed up. I called and left several messages for him about her being in the hospital and the doctor’s prognosis, but he didn’t return them. He knew she was sick. He freaking knew she was dying, but he still never called me back. That hurt worse than everything else he’s done.

“How bad is it?” Minnie asks as she caresses the top of Luna’s head.

Her question sends a shard of pain to my chest. Not only because of how much Bryan has changed, but also because I know Minnie partially blames herself for what he’s become.

I shake my head, forcing back the tears trying to spring from my eyes.  I hate telling her this, but she has a right to know. “You wouldn’t recognize him. He’s not the Bryan we used to know.”

Minnie was Bryan’s best friend as well, but for over six years she thought he was the love of her life. I always knew they had feelings for each other, but both were too nervous to admit it. When we were sixteen, Bryan finally grew some balls and told Minnie how he felt. From that day until our senior year in college, everything was perfect between the two.  Our senior year of college our father was murdered during a gas station robbery. Bryan, being extremely close with our dad, didn’t cope very well. He started hanging out with a crowd of guys who were known to do drugs. He didn’t break it off with Minnie, but he pushed her away, always coming up with excuse after excuse to avoid being with her. He claimed to not be doing drugs, but Minnie and I knew better. His eyes were glassy and dull more times than not, he lost weight, then his job because he stopped showing up, and he always seemed to be in a bad mood.

One day after work, Minnie was headed home to grab a work sheet she forgot for class; we all shared an apartment. She walked into the bedroom she and Bryan shared and found him doing a line off the chest of a naked girl, with his dick inside her. Of course, Minnie broke up with him, even after he begged her not to, promising it would never happen again. It took him months to realize she wasn’t taking him back. The pain you could see in Minnie’s eyes for a long time afterward would make anyone cringe and want to hug her. My twin brother broke my best friend, and although it was Minnie he cheated on, the betrayal hurt me as well. I would have never thought he was capable of doing such a thing. It just went to show how much he had changed.

Bryan got even worse after that. He moved out and on the rare occasions we saw him, he looked like a ghost of himself. He started doing bad things, like stealing, hurting people, breaking and entering. He even started stealing our mom’s antidepressant and pain pills. My mom was in her own world of pain, so to see her son act like that tore her to shreds. Things have only gotten worse since Minnie left.

She feels guilty because she thinks her ending things with him tipped him over the edge. While that may be true, it’s still not her fault. None of this is her doing. He made the choice to go down this path.

“I’m so sorry, Willow,” she whispers, confirming my thoughts on her feelings of guilt.

I tuck Luna closer to my chest with one arm and grab her hand with my free one.

“This is in no way your fault.” I squeeze her hand. We’ve had this conversation before, and I keep hoping she’ll believe me one of these days. “He did this himself, Minnie. He chose to go down this path instead of coming to us for support, even before you broke up with him. I have no doubt he would have still gone down it if you hadn’t. Please, you’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”

She looks down at our hands, but I can see the tears glistening in her eyes. I fucking hate this. Bryan is my brother, and I love him, but I hate him too. He broke my best friend’s heart and she’s obviously still hurting over it. Don’t get me wrong, Minnie loves Logan with her whole heart, but Bryan will always be her first love and will forever have a piece of her.

“I just hate knowing he’s become this. He used to be the best guy I knew.”

I give her a sad smile. “He was the best boy I knew too, and maybe one day he can be again, but he has to want to change. Until then, there’s nothing either of us can do. That’s part of the reason I left. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep watching him sink further into a deep hole.”

I look down and see a pair of curious beautiful blue eyes watching me. I smile at Luna, letting her innocence wash away the pain my brother’s caused.

The reason behind me moving here may suck, but I’m still glad I did nonetheless. Minnie and I may not be related by blood, but we’re as close as any two people could be. The thought of being part of her life again and watching Luna grow up makes me incredible happy. Being happy isn’t something I’ve been since my dad died, Bryan’s change, and Minnie left Texas. It’s something I’m really looking forward to.