Fighting For a Second Chance (Fighting 1)

She laughs through all of this and I’m glad she had Kayla and has good memories, but I hate those memories don’t include me. I cuddle her harder, needing her closer to me. “I wish I could have been there. I would’ve held your hair back when you were sick, and we definitely would’ve found out the sex of the baby. I would’ve gone crazy not knowing how to prepare. I know Kayla was there, but I hate that it wasn’t me.”

“I know, baby, but you can’t think like that or you will go crazy from guilt about something you can’t change. Okay, let’s see… At forty-two weeks pregnant, they induced me because Bella didn’t want to come out, and after forty-seven hours in labor they had to do an emergency caesarean because her heart rate dropped. When they took her out, at first, I couldn’t hear her crying. I kept asking Kayla if she was okay and I could tell by Kayla’s answers something was wrong, but they had a sheet put up, so I couldn’t see.

“When Bella came out she wasn’t breathing so they had to pump oxygen into her lungs. Finally, she took her first breath and started to cry, and it felt like my world was complete. They brought her over to me and announced she was a girl. After a few days, we both went home and then the fun began.”

I know she’s trying to make light of the situation by joking, but I can’t even imagine how hard it was for her and Kayla to raise a baby on their own at eighteen. I don’t say anything though, because I like listening to her talk. Instead I give her a kiss and she continues.

“The first year was exhausting. Bella had Colic, which is like acid reflux, kind of. So, she had to get put on a special formula, and I wanted to breastfeed, but I couldn’t pump, and I had to go back to school. I had her in the middle of the semester, so I only took off the days I was in the hospital. I couldn’t afford daycare and I didn’t want her to be with strangers so Kayla and I made sure our schedules were opposite, so one of us was always home with Bella.

“My mom came to visit for a few weeks after Bella came home. She slept in my room, and I slept in the third bedroom with Bella.” She smiles absently like she is reliving those memories. What I would give to be in her head and heart, and see all of her memories firsthand.

She pulls out her phone and opens a photo app. “I lost all our photos and such in the fire, but luckily, I have all Bella’s pictures saved digitally.”

She begins flipping through them showing me Bella as a newborn, Bella at one, two, three years old, Halloweens, Christmases, and birthdays. Most are of just Bella, but once in a while I see a picture of Kayla and Liz as well—it’s like watching them all grow up together. When she gets to the last one, she has silent tears falling down her face.

I swipe them away and turn her to face me. “Why the tears, baby girl?”

“I love looking at pictures of Bella, but looking at them with you feels bittersweet. I have such mixed emotions because I feel like I should feel bad I messed up with the birth control but at the same time I don’t want to feel bad because my screw up got me Bella and I would never wish to not have her. Then I feel bad that you didn’t get to experience any of those memories, but at the same time I wouldn’t trade those memories for the world because I created them with Bella. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it makes perfect sense, and I’m thankful for your screw up. I can’t imagine not having Bella in our lives.” I kiss her forehead and we sit together for a few minutes just enjoying each other’s company. I don’t know what comes over me but suddenly I blurt out, “I want to have a baby.”

She looks at me like I’m crazy so I continue. “I missed so much with Bella and she’s already almost five years old. I want to experience all of that with you. I know we aren’t married, but we’re living together and we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. I’m an only child and would have loved to have a sibling. I bet Bella would love having a little brother or sister, plus we have plenty of rooms here. I can move the gym to the garage or we can move. We can buy a bigger house with a bigger yard…”

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down, there. Are you sure, Cooper? I mean… you went from not wanting a family to having an insta-family. Are you sure you want to add another baby to the mix?”