Inn Love

But that’s not the part that’s really bothering me. I’m telling myself that I’m upset because he didn’t tell me about this, but it’s about something much more sinister. I strain my ears, listening to him talking to the paparazzi downstairs.

I take a deep breath. I don’t really care that he’s a big star and that he didn’t tell me. I care about what it means for us. For me….

Because if he’s hitting the news every other day, then that means anyone he dates will too. If he and I enter a relationship, I won’t be able to escape his lifestyle. Cameras will be pointed in my face all the time. Paparazzi will trail me wherever I go, wanting to know more about Elijah’s mystery woman.

And I can’t allow that to happen.

I came here to start a new life, away from the place I once resided, away from the people who haunted me there. I ran away in the middle of the night, not just because I lost my home but also because I lost my nerve. I was tired of looking over my shoulder, waiting for my stalker to finally catch up to me, to get me alone without the walls of my home to protect me any longer.

I came here because I didn’t think he’d be able to follow my trail. I picked this place out at random, and in theory, I thought that would make me safe.

But he’ll be looking for me in every place possible. If any photographs of me hit the internet, he’ll jump on them in seconds. He’ll figure out where I’m staying and track me down. And if he finds me, who knows what he’ll do to me?

I know what he wants. He made that clear when he was stalking me around the city. He used to show up at my work and stare at me, his wandering eyes making me feel sick. He used to send me letters and push them through my door, detailing all of the things he wanted to do to me. Sometimes, I’d open my curtains at night, and he’d be standing in the street, waiting for me like a predator stalking its prey.

I feel nauseous even thinking about it now. I thought I’d left all of that behind me…but if I go public with Elijah, then my safety won’t stay with me for long. My stalker will find me and make my life hell again. But, maybe away from the city, he’ll be even braver than he was there. In the quiet of the town, maybe he will see that I’m more vulnerable.

I shudder. I can’t bear to think about the risks. The things Elijah kept from me…they’ve changed everything for me. How can I possibly be with him when his exposure threatens to give up my hiding spot? How can I ever truly hide when he will always be in the limelight?

Tears sting my eyes.

I never thought it would come to this. Questioning whether I can be with the one man who is capable of making me happy. I want him more than anything in the world…but if I’m selfish enough to drag him into my chaotic life, then what might it cost him?

I don’t know what my stalker is capable of. What if he hurts Elijah on his path to find me? What if he stops playing nice and makes Elijah suffer for his relationship with me? I know Elijah can handle himself, but I don’t ever want him to be in the line of fire, even if he can take a thousand bullets for me and still stay standing. That’s not the point. The point is, it would change his life, too. And I don’t think I can risk that.

I don’t know what I can do in this scenario. Is there some way for me to salvage this? I don’t know. Elijah’s secret threatens my own. I don’t want to burden him with everything I’ve been through. It’s not what he signed up for, and I can’t, in good conscience, make him a part of all of this. He’s too important to me for me to let him get in harm’s way.

I can feel the tears coming again. I know what I need to do, but am I strong to make it happen? Do I have it in me to walk away from the one person on Earth who has ever made me happy? I’ve endured so many hardships in my life, and I’ve done it all alone. I’ve never had someone care about me before. Maybe I can go back to the way things used to be…but I’ve begun to get used to being someone who matters to someone else…I’m not sure I can be the one to sever the ties.

But I have to. For his sake, I have to.