To Love A Scoundrel (London Season Matchmaker 5)

“No, indeed not,” she answered breathlessly, spying the open French doors and guiding them slowly towards it, barely aware of the slight limp that Lord Whitehaven had. “It is something of a relief to have turned from Lord Irving, that is all.”

Lord Whitehaven nodded, but barely glanced away from her as they walked, his concern still greatly evident. The cool air brushed against her warm cheeks, her heart still pounding with a furious sense of anticipation and excitement. Now that she had rejected Lord Irving entirely, she suddenly felt as though her path had been laid out clearly for her, with only one person remaining before her eyes. Lord Whitehaven.

He had changed his character so greatly, had revealed his heart to her and the depths of his struggles and pain, that she had found herself growing closer to him than ever before. Her desire was to help him, to aid him in whatever way she could, instead of turning further away from him as she now knew he had intended. Even now, she could remember the fervency in his eyes as he had promised to give up his gambling if she would only forget all thoughts of joining a convent. He had wanted her to remain close to the family – or had it been close to him? Was there more to what he felt than he wanted her to know?

What of your own fortune? Of your chance to live alone and in contentment?

The idea, she realized, no longer held any sense of delight. She did not want such a life any longer, not if it meant turning away from Lord Whitehaven entirely. To be without his company almost every day was a life that she could not even consider without pain. There was, she realized, a deep affection for Lord Whitehaven within her heart. An affection that Dinah believed was already beginning to form itself into love.

The thought had her catching her breath, stumbling slightly as she clung to Lord Whitehaven’s arm. It was overpowering, for the realization that she loved him had taken her completely apart and was slowly putting her back together again.

“Dinah!” Lord Whitehaven exclaimed, turning at once and catching her in his arms. “Goodness, whatever is the matter?”

A laugh escaped her, breathless and joyous, as she looked up at him, seeing his features etched with concern as he looked down at her. The flickering lanterns—spread sparsely over the small gardens—illuminated his face and filled her with such a desperate longing that she could not fight against it.

“My mother always told me that should I continue to follow after God, then He would reveal the path for my life,” she began, her voice quiet and her heart filled with hope. “It has only been in turning away from Lord Irving that I have seen the path clear itself of all confusion and doubt, Whitehaven. I know now what I am to do.”

He nodded slowly, his brows furrowing together and lines forming across his forehead. “I see,” he replied, his hand sliding from her waist as he let her go carefully, clearly now less afraid that she was about to collapse in front of him. “And what is it that you intend to do?”

Dinah, linking her arm through his, began to walk slowly along the path again, aware that they were almost entirely alone save for one or two others. “I have recently come into a small fortune,” she told him, aware of how he stiffened for a moment with evident surprise. “The solicitors wrote to me to inform me that the money left by my parents had finally been accounted for in its entirety – including the sale of their property and the like – and now is in my own account and left entirely to my own discretion.” Hesitating, she glanced up at him but saw, even in the flickering light, that his eyes were fixed straight ahead and that he did not so much as glance at her. “I had thought that I might live quietly, mayhap in a small cottage, as the money would give me more than enough to live on should I be careful.”

“I see,” Lord Whitehaven replied dully. “And so you shall have a convent all of your own.”

Surprised by the sadness in his voice, Dinah turned to him, grasping his arm a little more tightly so that he was forced to come to a stop. He did not turn to her, however, but dropped his head low, as though he could not bring himself to look at her.

“I have considered it for some time,” Dinah continued quietly. “I have not informed another soul of the money, for fear that I would be talked out of doing such a thing.”

“I would not try to convince you to do anything other than follow the path your heart guides you towards,” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, his head suddenly lifting, his eyes sharpening towards her and his jaw set. “I would not want you to think that I have any ill will towards you, Dinah. The reason I urged you to step away from Lord Irving was simply because I could tell it was not within your own desires to accept his courtship.” He was speaking more quickly now, her hand falling from his arm as he turned to face her. “I am glad you have this fortune, Dinah, truly.” Pausing, he swallowed hard for a moment, his eyes darting away. “I will not say that I would be glad to have you in a small cottage away from my estate, for that would not be the truth. But if that is what you desire, Dinah, then I would be glad to aid you in whatever way I can. I will not try to talk you out of doing as you wish. That would be entirely wrong of me and is not something that I have any intention of doing.”

Dinah’s breath was gone from her chest, her eyes filled with none but him. The fervor with which he spoke, the tenderness in his eyes and yet the sorrow that flew from him as he considered her absence from his house all wound their way into her heart, leaving her breathless with anticipation. All she had to do was tell him what she had just discovered, what she had just understood about herself, and thereafter the path she had set foot upon would reveal itself. Either it would turn her further towards Lord Whitehaven or it would set her away from him. If it were to set her from him, then she would simply consider her cottage and her quiet life as she had done before, but if it set her towards him – then what possibilities might come from that!

“As I said, Whitehaven, I have considered it for some time,” Dinah answered, her heart beating so loudly she was certain he could hear it. “But my mind has turned itself from that idea, for I have only recently discovered something about my heart.” She saw his gaze slide back towards her, her whole body tingling with both anticipation and a small, desperate fear that he would reject her. “My heart does not incline itself towards Lord Irving, Whitehaven.”

He nodded. “I am aware of that. I am truly glad that you found the strength within you to tell him the truth.”

She swallowed again. “As I must now tell you the truth,” she said softly, reaching out in the darkness and managing to capture one of his hands in hers. “My path may not turn me towards Lord Irving, Whitehaven, but I believe it has turned me towards someone else.” Pausing, she closed her eyes, feeling the swirl of anxiety within her as she forced the final word. “You.”

Dinah did not open her eyes but heard the way Lord Whitehaven caught his breath. His hand slackened in hers for a moment, and she feared that he would drop it altogether and step back from her, shattering her heart entirely as he did so. The air grew thick as she struggled to keep her tension from overflowing, stopping herself from demanding to know what reply he would give her.

And then, his arms were about her, she was drawn close to him and his breath was warm on her cheek. Opening her eyes, she saw his head lowering and felt herself burn with a heady anticipation, realizing what was about to happen and welcoming it with every part of her. Wrapping her arms about his neck, Dinah felt his lips press lightly against her own and let herself melt into Lord Whitehaven’s embrace. Once more, his lips sought hers and, this time, Dinah returned his kiss, feeling his arms tighten about her waist all the more and wanting to laugh and cry in equal measure. When he tilted his head to deepen their embrace, she clung to him, her happiness and her desire burning through her and sending waves of heat down her spine.

?

?Dinah.” Lord Whitehaven’s breathing was ragged, his forehead resting against hers as he spoke. “Dinah, you do not know how long I have tried to hide my feelings from you.”

“Hide them?” she asked softly, her eyes still closed as sheer joy lingered in her heart. “Why would you do so?”

“Because,” he breathed, reaching up to trail one hand down her cheek. “Because I have so much darkness compared to your beautiful light, Dinah. I have vices, sins, and wrongs blackening my soul. And you – you are purer than any other creature I have ever met.”

Dinah shook her head gently, looking up at him as he lifted his head. “That is where you are wrong, Whitehaven,” she told him. “I am forgiven, not ‘pure’ as you say. I asked you to accept my apologies, and you did so. Titania also.” She smiled at him, capturing his hand in hers again. “God will forgive you, if you ask it of Him,” she continued. “His love is greater than you can even imagine, Whitehaven. That is the only difference between you and I. You have not failed in my eyes, Whitehaven, truly. I have come to care for you with an affection that has startled me, that has taken my breath from me when I have allowed myself to consider it.” Taking in a long breath, she settled her shoulders and silently prayed that Lord Whitehaven would not allow his guilt to break apart what had only just begun to grow between them. “You have promised to turn your back on gambling, and I have trusted your word. What else can show you that I do not consider you to be a failure, to be less than I?”

Lord Whitehaven swallowed hard, his head lowering again. “Nothing,” he replied truthfully. “You have shown me with your gentle consideration, your refusal to reject me even when I showed you the very worst of my heart. And now, you offer me your heart, when I am the least worthy gentleman to accept it.” His hands wrapped about her waist again, the tenderness in his eyes making the love in her heart burn anew. “But I accept it with all gratitude, Dinah, promising you that I will be true. I will be devoted to you. I will reform myself out of the love I have for you, in the hope that one day, I might truly be worthy of your heart and your love.” Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead gently. “Your love makes me a better gentleman than I have ever been before,” he finished quietly. “And I swear to you I shall never break your heart with sorrow, my dear lady. You mean too much to me for that to ever occur.”

“I believe you,” she told him, before reaching up to accept his kiss once more.

Chapter Eleven

“You have a visitor, Lord Whitehaven.”