Burn My Hart (The Notorious Harts 2)

‘Why did you come here?’ My voice emerges as a whisper.

‘It’s complicated,’ he says. And then shakes his head, rejecting that. ‘No, it’s simple. I can’t... I don’t want to live without you, Ash.’

Disbelief sweeps through me.

‘I’ve been so dead set against marriage, relationships, the idea of the whole fairy tale happily ever after crap, but when I think of you, all I want is to hold you tight and never let you go.’ He glares at me with a swirling torrent of emotions.

‘I fucked up. I really, really fucked up. I treated you like you didn’t matter, when you’re all that matters to me. I acted like we were just sex when sex is... I mean, I love sleeping with you, but I love being with you so much more. I love talking to you and laughing with you, eating with you, walking with you. I love listening to you talk about your company and your passions, I love holding your hand and running my fingers through your hair. I am so in love with you, and I have been fighting that because I thought loving you would mean losing you, and losing you badly, like I’ve seen happen time and time again in other people’s lives and marriages. But I’ve already lost you. I’ve already lost you in a way that’s killing me inside, so what the hell am I so afraid of? Nothing can be worse than this.’

He swears under his breath. ‘Nothing except coming here to tell you this, ten weeks too late.’ He takes a step away from me, pressing his back against the wall opposite. ‘Nothing except finally realising how I feel about you and seeing you with someone else.’

He closes his eyes, breathing in deeply, and I stand right where I am, staring at him, unable to look away, transfixed by the appearance of him at my apartment and the words he’s saying, and the fact that I hear his sincerity and I understand, completely, how he feels. I expel a soft breath and something like warmth flows through me. A warmth I haven’t felt since before we left for Australia.

A warmth that promises spring and fresh growth, fleurs sauvages and sunshine. But pain has made me cautious.

‘What did you expect me to say when you showed up here?’

He lifts his eyes to mine and he is so bereft, so lost, it costs me to stay where I am, to stay here when he’s there and my heart is already straining towards him.

‘I don’t know. I think I hoped...but how could I hope? After everything I put you through.’

Still, I stay where I am. ‘So why come here?’

‘I needed to see you.’ He shakes his head. ‘I needed to tell you. Because even if you’ve moved on, you deserve to know that I get it. That I was wrong, and that I’m sorry. I need you to know that I love you, irrespective of how you feel now.’

His words tumble through me and I close my eyes, breathing them in. In my mind I see a dandelion, the seeds flying away on the breeze. I am free.

‘I look at our relationship and see the myriad ways I let you down. And still you loved me. Still you stuck by me and tried to explain. God, Asha, I’m sorry.’

I nod, because he’s right. He hurt me. But none of us exists in a void. His life, his childhood, the wounds that were inflicted on him, are all part of who Theo is today.

‘You saw what heartbreak does to people.’ I step into the corridor, towards him. ‘You saw your mom being hurt again and again by your dad, and as you grew older you heard how your dad had done that to Jagger’s mom and Holden’s mom. You saw so much hurt and you decided relationships can cause only pain.’ I press a hand to his chest and feel his good, solid, beating heart. ‘And then you met me, and you fell in love, and even though you tried to fight it, you realised that there is good in relationships too.’ I press up onto the tips of my toes and brush my lips over his. ‘With the right person, there is so much more good than bad. And the bad is worth putting up with to get all the good.’

He’s frozen still, his breath trapped inside of him.

Standing so close to Theo, I feel like a part of me that was missing is being returned, stitched back into the foundation of my soul. But he’s still hurting. He doesn’t see the full picture.

‘That’s my assistant, Kevin.’ I wrap my arms behind Theo’s back, smiling as his eyes widen and he exhales for the first time in a long time. ‘He’s taken on cheering me up as his mission in life.’

‘So you’re not...he’s not...’

‘I love you,’ I say simply, loudly, clearly. ‘And always will. There’s no one else.’

He drops his head then, pressing our brows together, and I hear his ragged breath, like he’s run a marathon. My heart bursts.

‘I love you.’ Because he needs to understand that. ‘I can’t promise you that we’re not going to fight from time to time, that’s life, and people don’t always agree. But you’re not your dad, and I’m not your mom. We’re us, and what we have, what we share—’ I press my hand to his chest again ‘—this is the real deal.’

‘I know,’ he groans, lifting his hands and cupping my face. ‘God, I know, I just can’t believe it took me so long to wake up and see this clearly.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ I shake my head urgently. ‘You did wake up, and today is just the beginning for us.’

‘The beginning of what?’ he murmurs, but he’s lifting me up, taking me into the apartment and kicking the door shut.

‘The rest of our lives.’ I kiss the words into his mouth and he laughs, a sound of sheer delight.

He pulls his head away for a second, his expression serious, his eyes holding mine intently. ‘For as long as we both shall live. Okay?’

My heart turns over in my chest. ‘Yep.’