Perfect Tenn

“You are a dead man. Sleep with one eye open or better yet, don’t sleep at all because I’m going to fucking Lorena Bobbitt your ass. Only they aren’t going to find your dick on the side of the road, I’ll make sure of that,” I whisper from my seat. He can’t stop laughing, and I want to knock out his perfect white teeth.

“Relax, it’s all in good fun,” he laughs.

“Fuck you,” I hiss.

The moms sit down, handing me a glass of wine, and I look around for the bottle because this one glass isn’t going to do shit for me.

“Why wouldn’t you just come to me with your questions, Regan? Is it that you can’t find your orgasm, because there are many women who have a hard time? The Kegels will help, plus if you self-pleasure, you will be amazed what you learn about your body,” my mom says, keeping her eyes locked on me.

“She’s right. Sometimes the simplest of touches make you see God,” Brenda adds.

“Holy shit, great. Thank you both. I feel so informed now. Wow, you guys are good. So, what’s new? Any gossip that we need to know about? Where is Keith?” I rush over each word, needing to move on from this.

Grabbing my wine, I drink down half of it before pulling it away from my mouth. Work damn it.

“She wanted to learn how to please a man. You know, blow jobs, hand jobs, that kind of stuff,” Tenn says, nodding like a fucking bobble head. I reach over under the table and pinch his leg, hard. He jumps and hits his knees on the table.

“You alright, Tennyson?” Brenda asks, concern clear in her voice.

He smiles, a big, huge smile. A smile I know means in about three seconds I will want to drink bleach. Reaching over, he plays with the ends of my hair before squeezing my shoulder. “I’m fine, Mom. Regan here just can’t seem to get enough of my cock, though.” I stand up, ready to race out of there, but he grabs me and holds me on his lap. “Stop, we can fool around when we get home.” He looks over at my mom, smiling. “You’ve got one insatiable girl here.”

“Tennyson, shut the fuck up. He’s lying. None of this is true. I don’t need his cock nor do I have any questions. And let’s not forget, even if I did there is fucking Google and YouTube,” I yell, struggling to get out of his hold. Damn, he’s so strong. He’s not even moving against all my fighting.

“Regan, relax,” my mother coos. Just like when I was a child and throwing a fit because I wanted another ice cream bar. “There is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you need Tennyson to help you understand the male body better, there is nothing wrong with that. He’s a great friend for letting you use his cock.”

I can feel his chest shake with laughter from behind me, and I toss back my elbow hoping I inflict pain. He’s such an asshole. I can’t believe he’d do this to me. I’m mortified, and they don’t believe that it’s not true.

“So, I guess the next question is,” Brenda starts and looks at my mom who gives her a slight nod. What is this, the fucking mob? “Are you two having sex or is this just oral play?”

I hold my hands over my ears like the many four-year-old children in my class when they don’t want to hear something I have to say. This whole situation is ridiculous, and is Brenda kidding? Sex or oral play? Why can’t they just ask if I need new socks?

“Well, it started with Regan learning the secrets of hand jobs and then she moved on to blow jobs. Which, by the way, wow she can suck a cock like a damn hoover. You should definitely be proud, Claire,” he says. I risk a look at my mother, and she is beaming with pride. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

“Okay, yep. I’m done. I need to go stand in front of an eighteen-wheeler,” I say, pushing out of Tenn’s hold. “I can’t believe you all think this is real. I’m dating someone for fuck sake. Why would I cheat on him?”

“Sweetheart, obviously if you are craving Tennyson’s meaty cock, that boy you are with is not a good one,” my mom says.

“Oh my fucking God. I don’t want his cock,” I yell, feeling my face flush with embarrassment.

“Whose cock don’t you want?” my dad, asks kissing my cheek.

This has to be some kind of alternate universe. There is no way that this is really happening, that my parents’ and his parents’ want to talk about his meaty fucking cock. Parents are supposed to shy away from talking about sex, lock their bedroom door, and pray no one comes knocking. They aren’t supposed to want to talk about cock and pussy.

I can’t take it, I need fresh air. Rushing to the sliding glass door, I push it open and walk out into the yard. I don’t stop, though, I continue walking until I come to the edge of the woods at the end of our backyard. I’ve always been scared to go in there alone. So many times as a kid, I would stand right here and wonder what lurked in the dark. Right now, I’d be happy to find whatever it was and let it pull me into his den away from Penthouse page sixteen up there.

Listening to the sound of the crickets and the wind blowing through the trees, it’s like nature’s music. The lightning bugs flash to the beat and even the dog howling down the street adds to the tune. I close my eyes and enjoy the peace. Until I hear footsteps behind me.

“Do not touch me or I will take that meaty cock of yours and shove it up your ass,” I threaten.

Hearing his laughter makes me want to hit Google when I get home to see how I could in fact do it.

“Regan, come on. Where the fuck is your sense of humor? You take things so literal lately. I told them it was a joke, so come back inside,” he says, reaching out and touching my shoulder.

I jerk away from him and continue staring into the woods. “I have a fantastic sense of humor, but talking about giving you head to our moms is just, well it’s just wrong.”

“They don’t think so,” he mumbles.

I spin around and lock my heated gaze on him. “What?”