Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

Every yearon the last weekend of summer, Alpha Tau Omega throws a huge back to school party. We didn’t go last year since we were freshmen and didn’t know anyone, but this year we are definitely going, and I’m dragging Luca along.

Give him his first taste of college parties.

Cash is in the frat, which is still hilarious to me. When you think of typical frat boys, Cash is the furthest thing from that image. Like me, he very much has the rocker vibe, and he has the whole quiet and broody thing going for him. We all thought he was fucking with us last year when he told us his plans to pledge, but here we are.

He’s also bisexual, but where I am out and proud, he is very much in the closet still—at least here at school.

Queer guys aren’t exactly a widely accepted thing in frats.

I came out when I was a freshman in high school. I wasn’t hiding it or confused before then. In fact, I knew I was into boys since puberty, but I didn’t date at all, so there was no point in coming out. With everything that happened with my dad, I was too angry and detached from the world to even care about shit like dating. My first kiss didn’t even happen until right before high school.

Everyone was supportive when I came out, which I knew they would be.

Cash was actually one of the first people I told, and that was when he confided in me that he thought he may be bisexual. We experimented a lot during our freshmen year and were each other’s firsts for a lot of stuff.

I was his first kiss with a guy. His first blowjob and handjob from a guy also came from me, while he was my first blowjob and handjob in general.

I can still vividly remember sleepovers at Weston’s house. We would wait until both he and Knox were asleep, then we’d sneak into the living room and jack each other off.

We were such horny, curious teenagers, but we never let it affect our friendship. We were always friends first, experimental partners second. Our “fling”—if you’d even call it that—only lasted freshman year. I found my confidence that year and started dating a lot during sophomore year, while Cash got a girlfriend that lasted most of high school.

As I’m getting dressed for the party, a knock sounds at my door. Opening it as I’m slipping on my black t-shirt, Luca is standing on the other side, looking rather awkward.

“Uh, hey. So, I don’t think I’m going to come tonight,” he mumbles while completely avoiding eye contact.

He has done this for as long as I can remember. He is super introverted, almost to a fault, and has such a hard time putting himself out there. I’m the complete opposite and love being around people, so I don’t get it at all.

“I don’t think so, man. You’re coming. You’ll have us with you. Plus, aren’t Anderson and Aston meeting you there? What about Courtney?”

Truth be told, I’m not even sure if he and Courtney are together anymore. He hasn’t talked about her at all, and she never came over to the house today when he arrived. I would be kind of glad if they have broken up, as shitty as that sounds. They make no sense as a couple.

“I know that. And yes, Anderson and Aston are going. I honestly don’t know if Courtney is yet.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “It’s so many people I don’t know. I’d rather stay home and unpack.”

I swear to God, he looks like a kicked puppy. It’s pathetic and endearing all at the same time. “That’s fucking lame and not happening,” I deadpan. “Come downstairs with me. We’ll take a couple of shots before we head out and you’ll loosen up.”

Without waiting for his response, I turn and leave the room, heading down the stairs and into our kitchen.

I’m sure he thinks I miss the way he rolls his eyes, but I don’t. He follows me all the same. “Bran, you know this is completely out of my comfort zone,” he whines behind me.

“You’re right,” I say, grabbing the bottle of red berry Ciroc out of the freezer. “Which is exactly why I think you should come. You’re in college now, bro, and you’re going to be around a lot of people you don’t know. Why not start now and have a little fun while you’re at it?”

I give him a pointed stare and raise my eyebrow at him, because he knows I’m right.

Pouring us each a shot, I slide one to him. “To college! Cheers!” I clank my shot glass with his, tap it on the counter, and toss it back. That familiar burn slides down my throat and begins to warm my belly.

Immediately, I pour both of us another one right as Knox waltzes into the kitchen.

“Hey, fuckers. Where’s mine?”

I roll my eyes with a chuckle and proceed to pour him one too. Then we all throw our shots back quickly.

Tonight is going to be fucking amazing, I already know.

A few minutes later, Weston joins us in the kitchen, and we head out. The walk to the frat house is only about fifteen minutes and the night air is still comfortably warm. We see several other groups of people walking, presumably to the same place we’re going. Frat parties are always huge.

It’s about ten-thirty by the time we arrive, and as expected, the party is already raging. There are people flooding the front lawn and music bumping from inside the house. I recognize Or Nah by Ty Dolla $ign as soon as we step inside. It’s packed in here, smelling like sweat and bad decisions.

I’m glad we took those shots before we left the house. Luca doesn’t seem as awkward as he probably would be otherwise. Although, I can still feel the tension radiating off him in waves.

Nothing more drinks can’t fix.

We head into the kitchen, each taking another shot of whatever liquor is on the counter and grabbing some beers, heading for the living room.

Luca hits my arm. “Courtney is over there. I’m going to go say hi. I’ll be back.”

“No worries, man. Have fun.”

Guess they’re still together after all.

No idea why that makes me feel irrationally angry, but not digging into that right now.

I see her across the room, and she’s clearly flirting with a couple of the frat guys. She was flirting with other guys at the party over the summer too, and it pisses me off. Luca would never entertain any other women, and I know he sees her behavior.

The song has changed to Pony by Ginuwine, and my eyes connect with a guy across the room. I think his name is Jasper. He was in one of my classes last year, I believe.

His heated gaze takes me in, as a smirk plays on his lips.

I can’t help but match his smirk as I make my way over to him.