Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

His back muscles flex when he removes his shirt, and he has dimples right above his ass—which, by the way, is fucking perfect and so plump.

Now I get to lie next to him and know all of that is on display inches from my body. These thoughts are doing nothing to calm my nerves or my crotch.

He hands me a spare blanket, so we don’t have to share, and we climb into bed. His scent envelopes me. It’s everywhere, and it’s intoxicating. We lie there in silence, both of us flat on our backs. I’m trying not to think about how awkward this is.

Sleep is not an option for me right now.

He breaks the silence first, and what comes out of his mouth surprises me. “Why are you and Courtney still together?”

There is so much sincerity in his voice, it throws me off.

“Uh, what do you mean?” I ask, hesitantly.

“Well, I mean, aside from tonight, it seems like you guys are always at each other’s throats or not talking that much. Even tonight, you guys weren’t fighting at all, but you barely touched, and you spoke so briefly. She hung out with Jessica and Weston more than she did with you.”

That has me speechless. The only thing running through my mind is, he was watching me that much tonight?!

“I don’t know, honestly. We’ve been together for a while now and we’ve never been that touchy-feely with one another, and I guess it’s gotten more prominent since we started college. Sometimes I feel like we should end it, but I don’t know. It’s hard to end something that’s been a part of your life for years.” I turn and face him on the bed. It’s dark in the room, but there is a little light coming in through the blinds, so I can make out some of his features.

His eyes are big, open and staring at the ceiling, his nose is straight and proportioned to his face, and his lips are plump–the bottom a little bigger, making him appear to be pouting. He turns to face me at that moment, and we stare at each other for several seconds. There is an emotion on his face that I can’t quite read, but I could be imagining it since it’s so dark in here.

Clearing my throat, wanting my voice to come out strong, I ask, “Why are you asking me about my relationship?”

I have to know.

When he speaks, his voice is so quiet, I have to really focus. “I think you deserve better.”

With that, he looks at me for a few more seconds and rolls onto his back again. Conversation over, apparently.

I follow suit and roll onto my back, closing my eyes and begging sleep to take me. I’m so hyper focused on the look on his face and the question he asked.

I think you deserve better.

What the hell does that mean and where the hell did it come from?

I relax my arms and accidentally brush up against his, and I have to force myself to not jerk away. It isn’t a big deal if our arms touch, but it would be weird if I moved now.

Our arms are freaking touching and it’s electric. The part of my skin that is touching his feels like it’s on fire.

Does he feel this, too?

I am focusing so hard on keeping my breathing calm, when I feel his pinky finger rub against mine. It’s so gentle that he could easily be doing it in his sleep, but based on his breathing, he isn’t asleep yet. No, he’s choosing to touch me, no matter how little it is.

As if it’s the most natural thing in the world, he softly wraps his pinky around mine. We are holding pinkies. This can’t be real.

Almost immediately, I hear his breathing even out as he drifts to sleep, with me following not far behind.

We fall asleep holding each other’s pinkies. It’s the smallest gesture, but it brings me so much comfort.

What does this mean?