Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

I’m back at this house. Dad is out of town with his girlfriend, and to make matters worse, Connor’s mom is also out of town, visiting her sick mom. It’s just Connor, me, and his dad.

I used to hope things would go back to normal, but they keep getting worse. Every time I’m here, they do. The last time I was here, he made me touch him. Touch his penis. He’s touched me too. I always tell him I don’t want him to, but he tells me he knows I do because of the way my penis reacts.

I want to tell my dad, but I’m scared. What if he thinks it’s my fault? I can’t help the way my body reacts, but what if he doesn’t see it that way?

Body freezing, my breath falters, ice flooding my veins when I hear the doorknob twist.

He’s here.

I don’t want to touch him.

I don’t want him to touch me.

Why can’t he leave me alone?

“Boy, I’ve come to make you feel good. Wake up.”

No. No. No.

I don’t want this.

Startling awake, I feel hands on me. Am I still dreaming?

No. No, this feels real. I’m still drunk, so maybe I’m imagining it instead?

There are hands on me right now, real hands. Hands inside my underwear. Throwing myself out of bed and panicking, I knock the lamp onto the floor, breaking it.

Turning around, I come face-to-face with Courtney on my bed. What the fuck? “Courtney, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I left the party and missed you. I wanted to be with you. I was horny and thought you might be too.” She giggles.

Fucking giggles.

“Are you drunk?”

“No, not really. I had like two beers.”

I can’t do this. I feel like I can’t catch my breath, and I need her gone.

“Courtney. I was sleeping. I was sleeping, and you snuck into my house without my permission, and touched me… without my fucking permission.”

“Luca, you’re being so dramatic. I’m your girlfriend, I’m allowed to touch you. I wanted to make you feel good, and you’re hard. You obviously liked it.” She crawls to me on the floor and continues to try and get my underwear off. “Luca, baby, I want you, now. Want to make you feel good.”

She grabs me through my briefs, painfully, and I fucking lose it, seeing red.

“Do you hear yourself? OF COURSE, I’M HARD. YOU ARE TOUCHING MY DICK. Any man would get hard from stimulation. That doesn’t make it okay. How can you not see that?!”

“What the fuck is your problem, Luca?”

“Get out.”

“What?!”

“You heard me. GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.”

She is seething right now. If looks could kill, I’d be dead.

“I’m not fucking leaving, Luca. Chill the fuck out. What kind of man doesn’t want to fuck his girlfriend?”

“We are done, Courtney. I can’t do this anymore. GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE.”

She jumps out of bed and acts like she’s going to come at me, but my bedroom door flies open so fast, making her jump back.

Branson.

When did he get home?

“You need to go, Courtney.” His voice is deep and angry. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he’s looking at her right now. He must have heard the entire fight.

“Fuck off, Branson. I’m not taking orders from you, and I’m not leaving.”

“Oh, but I think you are.” He steps up to her, lip curled into a snarl, shoulders squared, jaw clenching. He is furious. “I’m not above forcefully removing you. Do not make me repeat myself, Courtney. Get the fuck out of this house and don’t ever fucking come back.”

She looks at me, like I’m going to come to her rescue, but I want her gone. I mean it when I say we’re done. This has been a long time coming, but this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

“Fuck you both.” She storms out of the room, and a few seconds later, we hear the front door slam. I’m vaguely aware that she still has the spare key, but I’m so relieved that she’s gone.

Peering up at Branson from underneath my lashes, I find him already looking at me. All the anger that was filling his eyes is now gone, replaced with concern and worry.

He’s moving before I can even register it, wrapping his arms so tight around me that all I can feel is him. Burying my face in his neck, I’m unable to stop the tears from pouring down my face. His touch, his scent, his presence, calms me.

He pulls me tighter, flush against him, petting my hair and telling me it’s okay. That’s the thing, though—I know it’s okay now. He makes everything feel okay. He’s my comfort.

As if it’s the most natural thing in the world to do, I bring my hands up to his face, looking into his eyes briefly, before bringing my lips to his. “Thank you, Branson. Thank you,” I say against his mouth before placing another kiss on his lips.

Moving to step back, he pulls me to him and crashes his lips down onto mine before I can get very far. My heart soars, electric waves rushing through my body like a current. Opening my lips for him, groaning when his tongue enters my mouth, the feel of the barbell massaging mine is staggering. I’ve never felt so utterly consumed by a kiss before.

I can’t get enough of him, nor can I get close enough to him. Pushing him backwards, his legs hit the side of the bed. As he sits down, I climb onto his lap without ever breaking the kiss.

I need him.

In the back of my mind, I recognize that I shouldn’t be okay with this right now. Not after what just happened and after the nightmare, but I am okay with it. He makes me feel safe, whole. I need to forget the nightmare and forget Courtney’s unwanted touch. Replace it all with something I want, something I need.

Grinding shamelessly on his lap, his erection is rubbing against mine, a deep throaty groan coming out of me at the friction. “Please,” I can’t help but plead against his lips, not even sure what I’m asking for. I just know I need it, need him.

“Tell me,” he says in between kisses. “Tell me what you need, Luca.”

“You. I need you, please. Need you to touch me.”

I break our kiss to grab the hem of his shirt and bring it over his head, desperately needing to feel his hot skin against mine. With the hall light on, I’m able to see his gorgeous, firm muscles and lust-drunk gaze.

Gripping my waist tight, he flips us so I’m lying on the bed, him on top of me. Taking his time, he looks me over, drinking me in. My body grows hotter as I squirm under his gaze, waiting impatiently for his hands to be back on me.

He leans down, kissing me hard and deep, moaning as his tongue explores every inch of my mouth. Pulling back, he runs his fingers down my body tantalizingly slow. The look in his eyes is wild, untamed. His pupils are blown wide as he catalogs every inch of me to memory. I’ve never felt more seen in my entire life. His touch, his kiss, his gaze, calms every storm brewing in my mind, and the feeling of love and desire pouring out of him grounds me.

“Branson, please.” I greedily thrust my hips up, looking for relief. “Give me more.”