Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

Branson

“I’m not sorry for loving him.”

How is he being so calm and level-headed about this?

But why am I being such a fucking weirdo about it?

And why is that the sweetest thing he ever could have said at this moment?

“Okay,” Mom says, completely relaxed, while my heart is pounding. “How did it happen?”

“Uh, what?” Luca sounds genuinely taken aback by the question. “How does any relationship happen? How did you and my dad happen?”

“No, honey, that’s not what I meant. I just meant… I wasn’t even aware you liked guys, Luca. I mean nothing negative by that.”

“Well, I don’t, not really. I like Branson, well, I love Branson.” His shameless declaration for his feelings has me soaring.

“Okay… and have you two always had feelings for each other?”

“No, not until this year. Something shifted when I moved to Pullman. I don’t know. I don’t really want to get into all the logistics with you.”

He sounds so shy. It’s the most adorable thing.

“I don’t want you to do that either. Please.” My poor mom, she is blushing. I have no idea why I blurted all of that out the way I did earlier.

Luca and my mom decide to take a drink of water at the same time, probably to try and clear some of the awkward energy.

This inevitably was going to come up one day, especially since I have zero intention of ever letting Luca go, but fuck, this is far more uncomfortable than I could have anticipated. I am not one to get embarrassed easily or shy away from tough topics, but right now, proper sentences are a challenge. Why on earth would I blurt out something like I did—about having sex with Luca to my mom?

Mom clears her throat, looking between the both of us. “Well, like I said earlier, this wasn’t exactly a surprise. Your father and I had a feeling this was coming, so we’re not blindsided by the news. I know he isn’t here to speak for himself, but we talked about this when we started getting suspicious. We want you two to be happy, and if that’s with each other, then we support you. We love you, and you both deserve to be happy and loved.”

“What?!” I finally seem to find my voice. “Really? That’s it?”

She chuckles lightly. “What did you expect? Us to banish you? Come on, I hope you two think better of us than that.”

“Uh, wow. Thanks, really. Your support means a lot.” Shock and relief flow through me simultaneously. I feel lighter, but I didn’t even know this was a weight on my shoulders until now.

“We love you both, so much. I hope you know that.” Mom is on the verge of tears now, and one look at Luca says he’s feeling emotional too.

I’m the only stone-cold soldier in this household right now. If Andrew was here, he would be too.

* * *

We spentthe rest of the afternoon hanging out with Mom, helping her clean up the house and running errands. The pot roast that was simmering in the crock pot before we got home was delicious. Dinner felt normal. I was worried things would feel strained after everything came out. I think I speak for all three of us when I say I wish Andrew was here now even more, though. It doesn’t feel the same without him. Mom heads back to the hospital after dinner. She’s going to spend the night up there with Andrew, in case anything changes.

Luca and I are pulling into the driveway from running to the gas station when he places his hand on my thigh. I look over at him and he looks positively mischievous.

“What is that look for, Luca babe?”

“I was thinking when we get inside, we should maybe… try something a little different.” I didn’t know it was possible for him to look any more devious than he already did, but he does as those words leave his lips.

“Different? I’m listening.”

“Have you ever bottomed?”

The howl of laughter that comes out of my mouth is unexpected, but goddamn, that is the last thing I expected him to say. I mean, I figured this would come up—we never really talked about preferences before we hopped into bed, but I didn’t expect him to be the one to initiate the conversation.

My sweet, innocent Luca is getting ballsy. I love it.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. Yes, I’ve bottomed before. Why?”

“Do you prefer to top, though?”

“I don’t really have a preference. I’m vers.”

“Vers?”

“Oh, you sweet baby gay.” I reach over and slap his cheek lightly. “Versatile. I will top or bottom.”

“Okay. We’re going to slide right over that ‘baby gay’ comment. Why haven’t you ever wanted to bottom with me?”

“Luc, you’re new at all of this. I didn’t want to throw too much at you too fast and freak you out. It’s not that I didn’t want to—trust me, I do. I just wanted you to feel comfortable.”

He sits on that for a minute, pondering. To be honest, the idea of Luca railing me, turns me the fuck on. While I do consider myself vers, more often than not, I hook up with bottoms, so it’s been a hot minute since I’ve taken it.

Getting out of the car, he speaks up again, and his words nearly make me choke on my own spit. “I wanna fuck you, Branson.”

He sounds cute and playful, but also very serious.

Well, okay then.