Forsaken Desires (The Deepest Desires 2)

chapter thirty-four

Aston

One Month Post Break-Up

Luca: You’re coming tonight, right? Feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.

Me: Yeah, I’m coming with Anderson and Calina in just a bit.

Luca: Sweet! It’ll be fun. I know you don’t want to tell me what’s going on with you, but whatever it is, it may help to get out and take your mind off things.

Me: Ya. You’re probably right. Thanks, man.

I’ve been a zombie this past month, and I can’t seem to snap out of it. I haven’t been able to bring myself to talk about it with anyone. Luca is concerned, and I don’t blame him, but I can’t. Anderson knows better than to ask me about it or try to talk about it. I’ve bitten his head off more than once when he’s tried.

The only reason I’m going tonight is because Anderson mentioned that Knox doesn’t go anywhere lately, so I don’t have to worry about running into him at the party. Luckily, I’ve only seen him around campus a handful of times, and I’ve managed to steer clear of him each time.

I have a class with his friend Katie. She constantly looks at me like she wants to say something, to intervene, but she hasn’t yet. Hopefully, it stays that way.

Finished with getting ready, I grab my wallet and phone and head out. Anderson and Calina are meeting me outside the dorms, so we can walk to the frat house together. It’s a warm night, the sun not quite down yet.

Walking outside, I see them already waiting.

“Hey, guys.” I wave.

“Hi, Aston,” Calina says with a smile. She seems like a nice chick, and she appears to be really into Anderson. He deserves to be happy.

“You guys ready?” I ask.

“Yup, let’s go,” Anderson says, shoving his phone in his pocket.

“Have you heard from Crew?”

“Yeah, I talked to him earlier. Seems to be doing good.”

“That’s great to hear.”

The rest of the walk is quiet. Calina and Anderson hold hands and talk amongst themselves, but I stay out of it. I’m suddenly so nervous I’m going to run into him. I honestly don’t know how I’ll react if he’s there and tries to talk to me.

He tried to reach out to me one time since we’ve come back from break, and I ignored him. He seemed to take the hint because he hasn’t tried since. The self-control I had to possess to ignore the text was massive. There is still a large part of me that wants to talk to him, that misses him.

I tried going on a date a couple of weeks ago, after he texted me, and it was a disaster. It was with some chick who’s in one of my classes. We went to dinner, and I ended up getting trashed and embarrassing myself. Not doing that again.

It’s almost ten o’clock when we walk across the lawn of the frat house. It doesn’t look too packed yet, but the night is young. Walking in, the three of us head to the kitchen to get a drink.

“Hey, hey! You made it,” Cash says, walking over to give me a hug.

“Yup, I made it. How’s it going, man?”

“Can’t complain. How’re you?”

“Same. Going to grab a beer or two and enjoy the night.”

“Right on, bro. I’m going to say hi to some more people, but I’ll catch ya later, okay?”

Cracking open the beer, I take a huge swig and make my way to the living room. There’s a pretty rowdy game of beer pong going on right now. Travis and his roommate are playing a couple of the frat guys.

“What’s up, Aston?” Travis says in between shots.

“Hey, man. Good to see you.”

He’s shifting on his feet, almost looking nervous. “It’s been a minute! How are ya?”

“I’m doing alright, you?”

“I’m good. I’ll be even better in a few minutes when we kick these guys’ asses. Want to play the next round?” His smile is wide and genuine, but I don’t know if I’m up for playing.

“Ahh, I don’t know.”

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun, bro.”

“Yeah, okay. Let’s do it.”

Watching on the sidelines, two teams battle against each other. Both sides are clearly drunk already, but it’s fun to watch. Ultimately, Travis’s team wins just like he predicted.

Derek walks up to me and says, “You can play with Travis against the next team. I’m gonna head home.”

“Aight, man. Sounds good. Have a nice night.” I slap him on the back.

Chugging the rest of my beer, I open another one as Travis sets the table up. Our opponents are two girls I’ve seen around campus a few times. They’re in their second year, if I’m not mistaken.

“Hey,” one of the girls, a brunette, says. “Aston, right?”

“Yup, and this is my buddy Travis. What’s your name?”

“I’m Trish and this”—she points to her redhead friend—“is Kylie.”

“Nice to meet you ladies. May the odds be ever in your favor.” I lift my beer before taking a swig.

The girls get the first shot, and they miss. This should be easy.

Movement on my right catches my eye. Turning my head, my breath catches in my throat. Walking in the door are Luca, Branson, Weston, and Knox.

Fucking hell.Of course he’s here.

His gaze lands on me immediately, and it’s like a punch to the gut. Some emotion, that looks like regret, crosses his face, but it’s gone in a second. He looks from me to Travis, his stare hardening to fury when he sees him.

Shit.

******

Knox

As I take in Aston, and then immediately looking toward fucking Travis, my blood boils. What the fuck is he doing here with that fucking idiot?

Aston is wearing an expression I can’t decipher. He’s giving nothing away, and that pisses me off. Is he here with Travis? Are they hooking up again? I don’t know why I fucking care. It’s been a fucking month since we’ve even spoken.

“Aye,” I say to the guys. “I’m going to find something to drink. Catch you guys later.”

The house isn’t too crazy for a Friday night party. I didn’t want to come at all, but Branson and Weston practically dragged me out of my room. They’re sick of my shit, and I honestly don’t blame them. I’ve been a dick to everyone.

Even Katie. She snapped at me yesterday and we haven’t spoken since. Weston says she’s coming tonight. Apparently, they’re best fucking friends now that they share a class together.

Fuck everyone.

In the kitchen, I find a bottle of Jack and swipe it, taking a few swallows. The burn making its way down my throat is exactly what I need. Looking around, I don’t see anyone I know in here, so I take the bottle and make my way back into the living room.

Call me a masochist, but I have to watch him. I need to know if they’re hooking up, if he’s moved on, if he’s happy. The sadist in me, though, hopes he’s as miserable as I am. Parking my ass in a chair in the corner, I crack open the bottle and take another large pull. They’re dominating these chicks they’re playing against, and the way Travis looks at him, it’s clear he’s still into him.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. Taking it out, I see it’s Katie.

Katie: You here?

Me: Yup.

Katie: Where?

Me: Living room.

It doesn’t take her long to find me. Walking across the room, she climbs into my lap and gives me a hug.

“Why’re you doing this to yourself?” she asks quietly.

“Don’t know what you mean.”

“Knox.”

“What?”

Sighing, she says, “Gimme that bottle. If you’re going to be this stubborn, I definitely need a shot or two.”

“Go for it, girl.”

“Why are you sitting in the corner with a bottle of whiskey, watching Aston playing beer pong?”

I ignore her question. “You know that guy he’s playing with? That’s the one I walked in on him with that one time. When we first started hooking up.”

“Knox,” she says softly.

“Don’t, Katie. I don’t need your fucking pity.”

As if he’s aware we’re talking about him, he looks over at us. His expression is blank again as he looks between us, before turning his attention back to the game. I watch Travis grab his arm when they score.

It makes me stabby.

“Babe, you gotta talk to him or move on. You’re killing yourself with what you’re doing.”

“Give me the bottle. I don’t need therapy. I need to get drunk.”

What I don’t tell her is that before I came here, I sat in my room like a fucking fool, staring at the picture Aston sent me over a month ago. He looked delicious in his gray sweats, grabbing his cock over his clothes. Looking at his picture got me hard, and after I jacked off to it and came, I broke down and fucking cried.

I can’t even remember the last time I cried, but I did tonight. Now I’m here, watching him play a game with fucking Travis, and I can’t fucking do it.

“I’m gonna go. I can’t be here.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“Nah, stay. I won’t be any fun.”

“Text me if you need me, Knox. I mean it.”

“I will, later.”